I look across at Ali and sigh quietly. She’s sat beside me fiddling with her camera. Brian and Nick are playing basketball in front of us and she’s supposed to be getting some photos. She’s really not the Ali I know anymore. Not after splitting up with Nick. She looks up from her camera to follow Nick’s movements around the court. Her eyes suddenly fill with tears and she looks down.
“Don’t give up on him,” I say quietly.
She looks at me. “He gave up on me.”
“He hasn’t.”
“He has, Jade. It’s over,” she brushes away a tear and sets her jaw determinedly. “I’m gonna do my job and move on. Maybe I’ll have enough photos in a week or so, then I can go.”
“You can’t!”
“Why not? I don’t exactly need to hang around the ENTIRE tour. One place pretty much looks like another from inside.”
“But you can’t leave, Ali,” I look at her, torn between Brian and her. I really want to tell her about what was said to Nick. It would give her hope. But Brian had been so adamant. I make up my mind, Brian will understand. He always does. “Ali… Nick hasn’t given up on you. I KNOW it.”
“How?” she stares off into the horizon.
“He did an interview today and he told the writer that he wasn’t single cos his heart still belongs to you. He said somethin’ about waiting for it to catch up his body before he could really move on. And she told him that it should be the other way round and to follow his heart.” Ali looks at me. “Brian told me earlier. He thinks Nick is starting to think about starting over with you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Go talk to him Ali. Tell him you love him. Tell him you’re sorry. This is your chance. He’s not mad anymore, and he misses you like hell.”
“I can’t.”
“Do it Ali,” I stand up, pulling her with me. “You’ll regret it if you don’t at least try.”
“But what if…”
“What if?” I repeat. “Would you prefer regrets or ifs?” She nods and we walk over to the guys. They’ve just called a break and Brian is bouncing the ball slowly.
“Nick,” Ali walks up to him. “Could we go someplace to talk?”
“Uh…” he looks at her and then shrugs. “I guess.”
I finally get enough guts to talk to Nick, and now I’m completely speechless. I have rehearsed this a thousand times, just concentrate Alicia!
“Nick, I know this doesn’t make any difference, because I’ve said it over and over but-”
“I know, I know. You’re sorry right?” he says rhetorically, and tears slide down my cheeks.
“I love you so much, Nick. And you have to believe the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. That’s what I told Brian. He said you’d understand, but I knew better. I was right,” I lowered my head to the ground, and he quickly wiped a tear from my face.
“Alicia, I love you too. I just can’t… be with you. I can’t be with someone who’s gonna lie to me. I mean look at me, honesty HAS to play an important part in my relationships.”
I laugh slightly, and shake my head. “Once again,” I whisper.
“Once again what?” he asks, confused.
“I was right, once again. Jade said you wanted me back. And once again, I knew better. I’m making my decision right now. I’ll work for one more week, pick up my pay check, and start my new life in New York,” I turn around to walk back to the hotel. Nick runs after me grabbing my hand.
“No, wait. Don’t leave. Just stay the rest of the tour. We need you.”
“Y’all need me? See, that’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear you say that YOU need me,” I say, poking him in the chest. “I’m sorry, Nick. There’s nothing I can do to make it up to you. You don’t believe I love you, that’s your problem.”
“I know you do, Ali! And I love you too. But you lied to me, cheated on me, and hurt me in ways you can’t possibly understand. You meant so much to me, but…no, you don’t understand.”
“So make me understand!” I yell.
He bites his lip and his eyes water. “I don’t know how.”
“Baby, you don’t know how much I want you. It kills me every day that I want you so bad, but you don’t feel the same.”
“You don’t know that! Killing you? What about ME?! I felt like I was dying that night in the bar when Jay told me the truth. Especially when he told me y’all had been seeing each other. I mean come on, Ali! How can I compete with a guy like him?!”
“Nick, he couldn’t compare to you!” I debate, but he cuts me off.
“Well, obviously he does if I couldn’t satisfy you enough that you had to see Jay on the side!”
“Nick! I’ve never felt this way about anybody, not even Jay. I thought I was in love with him, but then I met you and it was like, ‘Whoa, Ali. Now THIS is love.’ The best part was, I realised I was capable of letting someone actually love me back. And that was scary for me, I wasn’t used to that.”
“Ali-”
“No, let me finish. I kept pretending you were going to be this absolutely perfect knight in shining armour, who’d rescue me from the person I used to be. Then I though, ‘Who ya tryin’ to fool, Ali? Get real,’ and before I know it BAM, you’re breaking up with me. I know, Nick. I’m a slut, whore, little dirty bitch. Call me whatever you want, ‘cause I’ve heard them all. I can’t help it; I’m labelled for life now. Guys would be too embarrassed to ask me over for dinner. They told me, as gently as possible, “Ali, you just aren’t that bring-home-to-my-parents type of girl, but don’t worry I still love”,” I say mimicking a man’s voice.
“I would,” Nick whispers.
“You would what?”
“Bring you home to my parents,” he finishes.
“Kinda late for that, now isn’t it?” I reply, sarcastically.
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He goes to sit on the bleachers and puts his hands to his head. “I don’t know! See? This is what you do to me. I’m confused, I don’t know what to think.”
“Well, when you figure it out you know where to find me. Wait too long, and the only place you’ll be able to find me is Brooklyn,” I bite my bottom lip, and walk back towards the hotel, leaving Nick behind.