“Aje!” I greet him cheerfully and sit down by him in catering. “I haven’t seen you all morning. Where you been?”
“Asleep,” he says grumpily.
“Okies. Didn’t you guys have a radio thing though?”
“I missed it,” he pushes his dark shades further up his nose.
“Oh. You’re not ill?”
“No,” he looks at me. “I was just tired.”
“Nothin’ to do with you stayin’ out real late huh?”
“Nothin’,” he says and looks back down at his sandwich. He raises it to his mouth and then throws it down with a disgusted sigh. “I’m gonna go,” he stands up and heads out of the room just as Ali walks in.
“Hey cuz,” she smiles but he just brushes past her. “I’m doin’ great, thanks!” she yells after him sarcastically and then sits by me. “What’s with him?”
“Hangover. He’s been in bed all morning and missed the radio thing.”
“He did? I guess Kevin hasn’t seen him yet, cos then he’d be dead,” Ali says.
“Yup. You talked to him yet?”
“No. Maybe I should go find him now?”
“Yeah, nobody else is here yet.”
“Ok,” she stands up but doesn’t move.
“Want me to come?”
“Double hit him?” she laughs lightly. “Please.”
“Sure,” I stand up and we both head out into the arena.
We find AJ sat on the stage swinging his legs and we walk up in front of him.
“AJ, come outside a while,” Ali says and reaches for his hand to pull him down.
“Jeez,” he mutters but follows us anyway. We find a quiet space and sit down in a circle. “What’s this?”
“We just wanted to talk to you,” Ali says.
“We’re worried about you AJ,” I say.
“Why? I’m fine.”
“You drink too much,” Ali tells him and he flinches slightly.
“Wow, be direct.”
“Only way to be,” she shrugs. “I know you’ve had problems before and I just wanted to check in with you over this. I mean, you ARE drinking more than you used to. And you’ve started missing group stuff. And LOOK at you.”
“What?” he starts to get defensive.
“You have on the darkest shades EVER, you’re real pale and you’re kinda mad.”
“I am?!”
“AJ,” I lay my hand on his arm. “We both love you and we are just worried about you. You can talk to us about this stuff.”
“I can?!” he stares at me. “Ok, why are you two suddenly members of my love gang?! You spend all your time with Nick and Brian! I hardly see you anymore! You’re just feeling guilty or maybe you just want a pet project to take up ya time? Well I ain’t fallin’ for that so you two can just take your “love” and “worry”,” he imitates us, “and fuck off!”
“Whoah,” we say.
“Whoah is right,” he stands up and walks off and then walks back to us. “I don’t need you. Just stay the fuck outta my life!” He shoots us a serious glare and walks off.
“Well,” I look at Ali, “that went well.”
“You’re not kidding.”
AJ storms off from Jade and Ali, breathing heavily. He walks straight inside the arena and through to the restroom where he relieves some of his anger by punching the wall hard.
“Fuck!” he yells, nursing his fist.
He sinks down onto the tiled floor and cradles his arm. Nobody cares about him. How dare they say those things to him? He’s not an alcoholic. It just helps him a little. When they’re off with their boyfriends and Kevin and Howie are hanging out, he’s all alone with his thoughts. And his loneliness and his hurt. Sometimes a guy needs a little help forgetting himself. It’s not exactly a crime. He stands up and splashes his face with cold water before walking out of the restroom and straight into Brian. Mr perfect.
“Hey bro, where you been?!” asks Brian.
“Nowhere,” scowls AJ, walking past him.
“Hey!” Brian follows him. “We had a radio gig scheduled. Did you forget or somethin’?”
“Or something.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“You got drunk again huh?” Brian says and AJ stops walking. He looks at Brian and hates the defeated look on his face. Like he had let him down again. And he has. He doesn’t know what to say to him. “AJ, you need to sort this out.”
“I’m good,” AJ shrugs.
“You’re not bro. You look like hell.”
“Gee thanks. I guess you studied at the same school of compliments as Ali and Jade.”
“Ali and Jade?”
“Yeah, they just got on my back about drinking. Like they cared.”
“They DO. We ALL do,” Brian states firmly. “You’re like my brother AJ.”
“But I’m not am I?” AJ turns away and starts walking, leaving Brian to stare after him helplessly.
Brian has no idea what to do. Go and talk to Kevin he guesses. Kevin always seems to know what to do. Maybe call Denise about it, but is it fair to worry her? Brian knows why AJ drinks. He needs somebody to love him. He never had a father. His father had abandoned him as child and only resurfaced when he heard AJ had gotten famous. His grandparents had died recently and now all he has left is his mom. And she can’t tour with him all the time. He has the other guys, but they can’t be with him 24-7. They have to live their own lives too. Brian sighs heavily and turns to walk in the opposite direction that AJ had taken. He finds Jade sat with Ali in the catering room and decides to pour himself a coffee before joining them. Before he can reach the machine, Jade has jumped up and joined him.
“Hey, you’re back,” she greets.
“Yup. I wish I hadn’t bothered,” he says.
“You sound down. What’s up?” she asks.
“AJ.”
“Ah.”
“I hear you had a run-in with him already.”
“We tried to talk to him about his drinking but he wasn’t very…uh…receptive.”
“I can imagine,” he says dryly. “We went through this last tour. I thought he’d gotten through it.”
“Obviously not.”
“I wish I knew what to do,” he sighs, feeling a hundred years old.
“Me too,” Jade wraps her arms around him and kisses his lips softly. “But only AJ knows what to do. All we can do is be there for him.”
“Mm.”
“Don’t get upset babe,” she whispers. “We’ll get him through this.”
“I love you Jade,” he says. “I wish he had somebody like you.”
“That’d cause more problems than it’d solve,” she jokes weakly and he smiles.
“Possibly.”