I switch my cell phone off and sit back on the couch with mixed emotions. It was Britney Spears on the phone and I’ve just accepted a writing job with her. She belongs to the same record company as the Boys – Jive – and, as my contract is with the company, they put my name forward as a potential co-writer for Britney’s new book. She wants to write a tour book from her perspective but she needs someone to help her put it all together. It should last roughly a month and I have agreed. The Backstreet book is practically done – all that is needed is some editing and final corrections. Nothing I can’t do away from the tour. I’m just a little nervous at what Brian will say to me going away for a month. I mean, we’ve only been back on tour for a month. I’ll miss him a lot but I kinda feel like I need a little space. Being on tour with your boyfriend can be very smothering. You tend to spend most of your time together, or waiting for each other. Not a real healthy thing. And I’m interested to see if our relationship is strong enough to survive. Yeah, I know – playing devil’s advocate but I can’t help it. It’s just the way I am. I sigh and stand up. Brian is in the middle of a soundcheck and I head out into the arena to watch him. He finishes up singing That’s What She Said and then joins me.
“Hey, who called?” he greets, taking a sip of water.
“You heard huh?” I laugh, my cell going off had interrupted Kevin’s run-through of Back To Your Heart. He had NOT been happy.
“Hard not too,” he chuckles and we sit down in seats about halfway back from the stage.
“Well, it was Britney Spears.”
“Yeah? She ok?”
“Oh, she’s fine. Uh, ya know my contract is with Jive and not you?”
“Yup, we figured it would be easier that way,” he nods and watches AJ rehearse on stage.
“Well, they’ve suggested my name for Brit’s new tour book.”
“Really? Cool.”
“It would be for about a month. Following her tour and stuff.”
“Yeah?” he says and then looks at me quickly. “But isn’t she on tour right now?”
“Yup. That’s the thing – she wants someone to join her next week.”
“Oh. I’m sorry baby,” he says, looking back at AJ again.
“Huh?”
“I know you would’ve liked to do that.”
“Uh, I AM doing that,” I tell him and he looks at me again.
“But you’re on OUR tour Jade. The book’s not done yet.”
“It almost is. Just a little editing and I can do that anywhere.”
“But… You can’t leave ME!” he exclaims.
“I will miss you. You know I will,” I tell him, reaching for his hand. “But I really need to do this.”
“Why? Our book is gonna totally help your career. You don’t need to do another one!”
“I WANT to. I have loved learning about how a tour works and Brit wants this book to be written from her perspective, so it’ll be interesting in a different way. And I kinda feel at a loose end here now. I’m just waiting around for you now all my interviewing is done.”
“And that’s bad?” he sounds hurt. “I thought you liked being with me.”
“I DO!” I say. “I really do but also…” my voice tails off.
“But?”
“I kinda need a little space.”
“From me?!” he says, getting angry.
“No!” I exclaim. “Well, yes… Oh, I don’t know how to put this!”
“Don’t bother,” he stands up. “I think I get it,” he walks away angrily and I groan.
Once again I’ve managed to find the worst way possible of explaining my feelings. Way to go Jade. I stand up and decide to go find Ali.
I find her ten minutes later in the catering room. I grab an apple and sit opposite her.
“Hey Jady,” she smiles at me. “Get bored already?”
“Uh, ya could say that,” I admit.
“Oh me too,” she laughs. “Only so many times ya can hear Nick fuck up I Need You Tonight,” she giggles, referring to Nick’s tendency to approach sound checks so laid-back that he often sang the wrong words. Luckily he was always perfect on the night.
“Uh, Ali, I have something to tell you,” I start nervously.
“Uh huh?” she sounds worried.
“I’m gonna be leaving the tour…”
“You guys haven’t split up?!” she interrupts and I sigh.
“Let me finish girl! No, we haven’t. I’ve just been asked by Jive to work on another book for the next month. It’s a tour book so I’ll be flying out to join it next week.”
“Whose tour?” Ali asks. “Hey, they need a photographer? I’d hate to break up the ‘dynamite duo’,” she adds with a giggle.
“Uh, I don’t think you’d like to join me. It’s Britney’s tour.”
“Bitchney?!”
“Ali, don’t call her that!”
“Well, I don’t LIKE her!” she exclaims and I roll my eyes.
“You do a real good job of hiding it.”
“Did she ask for me too? Cos I wouldn’t go if it was that last job on EARTH!”
“She didn’t mention you,” I say.
“Figures.” We sit in silence for a few minutes. “You tell Brian yet?”
“Yup, he’s not happy.”
“Don’t blame him.”
“God!” I yell. “Is it so bad to want a little time away from this damn tour?!”
“What?!” Ali stares at me.
“I am TIRED of always bein’ around the same people Ali!” I vent. “I’m tired of not having anything new to talk about. Our entire lives revolve around the Boys’ interviews, their sound checks and whether they make it to the fuckin’ shows on time!”
“Well if that’s how you feel, maybe you should catch the next flight OUT!” she stands up and walks out. I look around and see Brian standing in the doorway, his face hard.
“Brian…” I start but he holds up a hand.
“Just go Jade,” he says angrily and walks out.
“FUCK!” I throw my apple at the doorway where he had stood and breathe angrily.
Brian heads back out onto the stage, breathing heavily. He can’t believe what he just heard Jade say. He almost bumps into Kevin who’s walking off the stage.
“Whoa,” Kevin grabs hold of Brian to steady them both. “Open ya eyes dude.”
“Sorry,” Brian sighs heavily and Kevin walks him over to a quiet corner.
“What’s up bro?”
“Jade,” he mutters angrily. “She’s leaving the tour next week for a month.”
“She is? Why?” asks Kevin, leaning against the wall.
“To go write with Britney Spears. Apparently Jive suggested her for Britney’s new tour book.”
“Well, ours is practically done and it is only for a month,” says Kevin. “I don’t see the problem.”
“You don’t?” Brian stares at him. “Kevin, she said she wants a little space. That she’s bored of bein’ on this tour and doin’ the same thing. She’s bored of ME.”
“Don’t over-react,” Kevin groans. “Dude, WE get bored of bein’ on tour and we get to perform every night. It’d drive me crazy if all I was doin’ was waiting around for someone else.”
“I guess,” Brian admits grudgingly.
“Don’t take everything she does so personally. She does love you. It’s so obvious dude!”
“It is?”
“Brian!” Kevin rolls his eyes and Brian sighs.
“Ok, ok, it is. But it just makes me feel like crap that she needs space from me!”
“Everybody needs space sometimes,” Kevin says wearily.
“I don’t.”
“That’s because you GET space. All she can do is wait around for you to finish performing and stuff. It’s like she doesn’t get a break from this life.”
“That kinda makes sense,” admits Brian. “How come you know this stuff?”
“I had this exact same argument with Kris about a year ago,” Kevin admits wryly and Brian chuckles. “Just let her go and she’ll come back to you.”
“Thanks bro,” Brian grins.
I hear Brian’s key in the lock and I turn to face the door as he walks in. The room is dimly lit and I’m sat on the couch. I’m not exactly looking forward to another argument about what he had overheard. I had left the arena without seeing him again and now here I am, about to get yelled at. Brian stops when he sees me and then shuts the door behind him.
“Hey,” he says and walks over to sit by me.
“Hey,” I say, hoping he’s not going to suddenly start shouting. “How was the show?”
“Ah, real good,” he smiles. “But I’m whacked now.”
“Aw,” I reach out to play with his hair and he leans back on the couch. “Brian, about earlier,” I decide to broach the subject gently.
“It’s over with,” he says. “I over-reacted and I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t explain it properly to you.”
“When do you leave?” he asks.
“I’m not sure yet. Probably Tuesday.”
“Five days,” he murmurs.
“Yes.”
“Lotsa things we can do in five days,” he says and I smile.
“I really do love you B-Bear.”
“You haven’t called me that in a while,” he chuckles, wrapping his arms around me as I kiss his lips.
“I know and that’s just wrong,” I tell him with a giggle.
“Damn right it is.”
I lean against the door and watch Jade pack her bags for the Bitchney tour. She’s flying out this afternoon. I have barely seen her these past few days. It seems like her and Brian have been holed up in their room the whole time, only emerging for him to fulfil his commitments. I’ve made my peace with Jade. I’m still pissed at her going to work for Bitchney but she’s my best friend and a month is way too long to be mad at her for.
“You not takin’ everything?” I ask as she dumps a case of stuff back in the closet.
“I don’t need that much,” she shrugs. “And Brian said he’ll take my case with his. You guys are only moving hotels three times before I get back.”
“True,” I shrug. “I can take some stuff too, if ya want.”
“You’d probably wear it,” she laughs.
“I wouldn’t!” I exclaim. “Ok, maybe I would.”
“Well, I’ve got it covered anyway so thanks.”
“You’re not takin’ THAT?!” I exclaim as she folds up a long slashed white dress.
“Yup.”
“You gonna be cruisin’ for guys huh?” I ask with a smirk and she rolls her eyes.
“No, it’s for the AMAs. I’ll be there with Brit and YOU will be there with the Boys so we can all meet up.”
“Yeah? Cool,” I grin. “I’d forgotten about that. About two weeks huh?”
“Yup, about that.”
“I’m gonna miss you,” I tell her. “The Boys are gonna drive me mad, especially Nick, without you around to vent on.”
“Aw,” she giggles. “It’s only a month. You’ll get by honey.”
“I better,” I warn her.