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MODERN

ABBOTT & COSTELLO

ROUTINE



In today's world, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this....



COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT:      Super Duper computer store.  Can I help you?

COSTELLO:  Thanks.  I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:      Mac?

COSTELLO:  No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT:      Your computer?

COSTELLO:  I don't own a computer.  I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:      Mac?

COSTELLO:  I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT:      What about Windows?

COSTELLO:  Why? Will it get stuffy in  here?

ABBOTT:      Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO:  I don't know.  What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT:      Wallpaper.

COSTELLO:  Never mind the windows.  I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:      Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:  No. On the computer!  I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOTT:      Office.

COSTELLO:  Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:      I just did.

COSTELLO:  You just did what?

ABBOTT:      Recommend something.

COSTELLO:  You recommended something?

ABBOTT:      Yes.

COSTELLO:  For my office?

ABBOTT:      Yes.

COSTELLO:  OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:      Office.

COSTELLO:  Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:      I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO:  I already have an office with windows!  OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I  need?

ABBOTT:      Word.

COSTELLO:  What word?

ABBOTT:      Word in Office.

COSTELLO:  The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:      The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:  Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:      The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO:  I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.  OK, forget that.  Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT:      Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO:  I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.  OK, forget that.  Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT:      Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO:  Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.  What I watch is none of your business.  Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:      Real One.

COSTELLO:  If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.   Can I watch them?

ABBOTT:      Of course.

COSTELLO:  Great! With what?

ABBOTT:      Real One.

COSTELLO:  OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT:      You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO:  I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT:      The blue "1".

COSTELLO:  Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT:      The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO:  What word?

ABBOTT:      The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:  But there's three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT:      No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO:  It is?

ABBOTT:      Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO:  And that word is real one?

ABBOTT:      Real One has nothing to do with Word.  Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO:  STOP! Don't start that again.  What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT:      Money.

COSTELLO:  That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:      Money.

COSTELLO:  I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT:      It comes bundled with your computer

COSTELLO:  What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT:      Money.

COSTELLO:  Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT:      Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO:  I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:      One copy.

COSTELLO:  Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT:      Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO:  They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT:      Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER . .

ABBOTT:      Super Duper computer store.  Can I help you?

COSTELLO:  How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT:      Click on "START"..........




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