COMPUTER SMARTIES
Actual Help Desk conversations
Help Desk 101
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ."
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's still on my desk... Sorry...
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................Thank you.
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter "V" as in Victor, and the number "7".
Customer: Is that "7" in capital letters?
A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Helpdesk: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
Helpdesk: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "p" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a "P".
Helpdesk: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Helpdesk: "P" .....on your keyboard, Bob
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
And then there is my personal favorite!!
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
