Now Approaching State Prison.
Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers

"Everybody is happy. Well, I am happy, everyone else is screaming in pain."

"If you break your mom's three-million dollar vase, don't panic. She probably bought it at a flea market for five bucks. However if it really is three-million dollars, still don't panic. Simiply buy a ticket to the deep jungles of Brazil"

"I have mastered the art of being a teenager. I answer all questions honestly without actually answering them at all." Done by my friend Meredith. Ain't it great!

"People pay more attention if they think you are up to something"-Calvin and Hobbes

"Light a man a fire and he will be warm for the rest of the day. Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life."

"I always wondered what would happen if Patrick Henry said "Give me Liberty or give me death" and one of his slaves stood up and said "me too"

"Dogs look at you like you are a god. Cats look at you like you are an idiot. Guess who is right"

"The main thing I have learned from books is that most of them aren't worth reading."

"I find TV very educational. Everytime someone turns it on I go into another room and read a book."-Groucho Marx

"What is the point of looking cool if you can't wear a sombrero"-Calving and Hobbes

The last words to the 'Star Spangled Banner?' 'Play ball!'" - Anon.

-If someone insults you just remember that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile but it takes even less muscles to hit them in the head.

Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet soda!

"The little drunk cookies with their little feet will come to kill us all."- my friend made this up randomly after eating all the choirster cookies

"I've walked the long road of knowledge,
jogged the winding path of memories,
crossed the raging sea of society,
and climbed the mountain of wisdom...So why am I still here?"

"Sometimes I look at the sky and ask myself, "Where's the ceiling."

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone eequally." -WC Fields.

"A penny saved is...not very much"- Some first grader somewhere

"The problem with life is the lack of backround music"-friend's quote that I like

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' " - Charlie Brown

"Whenever you pass a bend in life, the most likely thing to happen is you'll run into a brick wall"

"Silence is golden but loud and obscene noises are priceless"

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."- Alfred Hitchcock <

"The Lord loves me. Which is good, since no one does."

"You have green lawns, we have green pastures."-This was on a sign that stands in front of a Methodist church. Another time at Halloween all it said, was "Boo".

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."-Woody Allen.

"If you steal from one author it is plagerism. If you steal from many authors, it is research."

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom." -Bob Hope.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? -

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?- Linda Ellerbee

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."- Elaine Boosler

"Son, You'are all grown up now, and you have made me proud. You owe me 2 hundred thousand dollars"

"I don't want to ruin her evening, I just want to ruin her life."

"There are a very few things that attract a New Yorkers attention but a giant inflatable rat is one of them."

"I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"A optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimistic sees it as half empty. A born loser sees it as
something he is about to spill."-From the Comic Strip "Born Loser"

-A town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and be darned if knows how to use it- The Simpsons, "Monorail Guy"

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -Marion Pearson

"Life is tough. Get a helmet."

"I like playing doubles in tennis. If we lose, I can blame it on my partener."

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I am who I am. Who the hell are you."

"I know I have lead a successful life as a politician if I go to the grave with everyone hating me."

"I don't look to cool in a tree with my pants down."-Blink182

Have you ever notced that...?
There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
You ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
You have have noses that run and feet that smell
you park on driveways and drive on parkways
A slim chance and a fat chance be the same, but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
The weather can be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell another.

"I don't know how to light a fire or hunt for food in the woods, but I do know how to look good in camping gear." - Me

Hey Everyone I have been away for 7 weeks and I have a bunch of new Quotes. I also added some above so check it out.

My personal mottos/favorite sayings

Ode to Summer by Willey (he's this cartoonist)
Now that you are here
Who's arriveal I have yearned
I ponder the school year just passed
And all that I have learned...ZZZZ

"Don't spit into the wind."

"I'm in shape. Round is a shape"

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first

"Guys have feelings too, but who cares"

"Chaos! Panic! Disorder!. My work here is done."

Allright enough of that. During the summer this columnist called Bob Levy printed in column titled funniest T-shirts of 2001. I thought some were really good so Thank-you Bob Levy (I tell you again. I will only print the authors for some of them, mainly because I am to lazy to type them all in.)

"When your dreams turn to dust, vacum."

"God made a few perfect heads. All the rest he covered in hair"-bald joke

"To Err is Human. To really screw up you need a computer"-Bernard Yaboff

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half."

"When there's a will...I want to be in it."

"Always remeber you're unique. Just like everyone else.-

"Can you imagine a world without Men. No Crime and lots of happy fat women."

"Dinner is ready when the smok alarm goes off"

"A women needs four animals in her life. A mink on her back, a Jaguar in her garage, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for it all."

"Yes it is lonely at the top, but I eat alot better then you."

"Places to Go People to Annoy"-Carol Binswanger

"Finally 21 and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15" -Tom Wheeler

All quotes past 11/13/01

"It's amazing how the pharse 'I miss my Silver' can get so completely on your nerves after such a short amount of time."

"Eagles do very well as our American symbol, but at least weasels never got sucked into jet engines."

Nothing takes the taste out of a peanut-butter sandwich like unrequited love- Charlie Brown

He who says "Words can not hurt me" has never been hit with a dictionary.

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

Muha Mesa have many new quotes to share w/ you all after summer. Enjoy you will now.

Don't hate me because I am beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

I'm Dressed and Out of Bed -- What More Do You Want?"

"You're Just Jealous Because the Little Voices Are Talking to Me" --

"I Live in My Own World But It's OK -- They Know Me Here" --

"Be Nice to Your Children -- They Choose Your Nursing Home"

" . . . And You Say Psycho Like It's a Bad Thing"

"I Hear Voices -- And They Don't Like You"

"Life's Too Short to Date Ugly Guys"

"Good Girls Are Bad Girls That Never Get Caught"

"Now I Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young!"

"Consciousness -- That Annoying Time Between Naps" -

- "Bomb Expert -- If You See Me Running, Try to Keep Up!" --

"I Used Up All My Sick Days, So I Called in Dead" --

"I Used to Have a Handle on Life, but It Broke" --

"You Can Always Tell a Harvard Man -- but You Can't Tell Him Much" --

"Growing Old Is Mandatory -- Growing Up Is Optional" --

Me Quotes "The world is unfair. Life is unfair But peanut butter is still just"

Need I say more than nothing at all.

It is hard to look dark and mysterious in a black coat when it has bird poop all over it

My Life is like a teen movie...a really really bad teen movie.

Never argue with you socks