Chronology of the first twelve days
Feb. 1, Wednesday
ABOUT 6:00 PM. I arrived home from work, much later than usual, to find a note reading, in part, "We have to go to the Cooles. There was a big sound on the back of the house or near the door. We don't know what it was but it was very scary...."
I was initially relieved, since, in view of recent robberies in our area, we had already consulted as a family about the option for Nilda, Grace and Jimmy to stay, if they wanted, at a hotel (the Fort Young was specifically mentioned) or at one of the residences of several Ross professors who had offered accommodation. But, just hours and days before, Nilda had rejected those options. We also had consulted about moving to a possibly safer house right across the street from the Ross campus and I had already started inquiries about that and had so informed Nilda.
I called the Cooles, speaking with Sandra, who described how Nilda had called and was very frightened (the robberies in our area), how she had picked Nilda and the children up, how they went to Sandra's house, and then, after Nilda had made some calls, how Sandra had taken them to the airport to go to Puerto Rico, and that Nilda would call me upon arrival.
I asked Sandra why Nilda did not ask to stop, even if only momentarily, at the school to see me. Sandra said that she did not know. She did describe that Nilda sounded and appeared very frightened, did not speak much during the trip from Portsmouth to the Cooles' house, and appeared to be distant, far off, glassy-eyed or words to that effect.
Sandra was very concerned for my safety since she had heard from Nilda that there had been what might have been a rock or gunfire attack on our house. She urged me to leave the house immediately, that very evening, and find a safe place to stay.
[Note: In a Feb. 12 meeting of the NSA of Dominica, I learned for the first time the following. Sandra said that at the time that Nilda and the kids were at her house, she thought or understood that Nilda was leaving Dominica with our children without my knowledge or family consultation, that is, as I understood it, in a manner designed to avoid any consultation or my knowledge until after their departure. Sandra further stated that Nilda said to her that she felt that in such a consultation of all four family members, I would oppose her trip. It is sad that I did not have this substantially different picture of Nilda's behavior until Feb. 12. I might add that Nilda may have also thought that the children would want to remain with their father, in the event that Nilda wanted to leave.]
[Note: Ironically, I had realized, over one week before Feb. 1, that it may not be feasible to keep my family in Dominica, while I worked here; and was expecting that this possibility would be raised by Nilda and would have to be seriously considered since the contentment and safety of my family must take priority. That is, I would not oppose it.]
In brief, the note, which Nilda wrote, and which Jimmy and Grace had also signed, did not reflect what Nilda had actually done. It appeared that the children understood they were going to the Cooles when in fact they were taken to Puerto Rico. I immediately recognized the seriousness of this situation, and of course, had all sorts of questions.
This manner of departure was a total change from previous practices in this family with respect to all travel, much less travel of a parent with the children, and was truly worrisome. Nilda had rode with the children right by my office and had not stopped to inform me of her plans or just for me to hug her and our children good-bye. There was no doubt in my mind that this was a significant development. In sum, Nilda had taken the children from our home on a major trip without my knowledge or prior consent.
[Note: Here we might applaud the Baha'i teachings. If there had been family consultation, the disruptive and traumatic events to follow will almost certainly have been avoided. Nilda would have learned that I, in fact, did not oppose what she thought was necessary for her safety and contentment. But, even in the event of a possible impasse in family consultation that Nilda reportedly expected, as I later learned (Sandra, Feb. 12), this could have been brought to the NSA where all members of the family could have expressed themselves openly, with little reasonable expectation of an unsatisfactory outcome. Instead of consultation, Nilda, I am sorry to report, seems to have decided unilaterally what is best for three other members of her family: Daddy (me), Grace and Jimmy.]
Later, Nilda called to assure me that she and the children had arrived safely and were tired from the travel. She said there had been rocks thrown or "gun fire at the house;" it was loud; she called Sandra to come pick them up. She said she was extremely frightened and was thinking about getting out of Dominica to a "safe place" as quickly as she could. She said she had tried to call me at the School of Medicine, but that "the phones at the School were out of order." I said that I was so sorry that she had such a stressful experience and assured her that everything was going to be all right and that I loved her very much.
Speaking with Grace, after exchanging greetings and expressions of love, I asked how she was doing; she said she was fine. I asked Grace, "What happened at the house today?" She said that they heard some loud noises coming from the direction of the back of the house and that they called the Cooles to go to their house. After expressing sympathy and reassurance, I said, "Yes, I got your note about going to the Cooles' house. That was fine, dear. Why are you in Puerto Rico right now?" Grace said, "I don't know; I would like to be at home, Daddy."
Talking with Jimmy, after similar greetings, I asked, "Why did everyone go to Puerto Rico today, son." He said he did not know, but that I should "talk to Mom" (to find out).
Back to Nilda, we agreed to talk the next day so she and the kids could get some rest.
As I recall it, that same night I called the Cooles', speaking with either Sandra or Phillip, to officially report to the NSA of Dominica (Sandra is Secretary) that Nilda had departed with the children in an unusual manner, and that this might be posted as an agenda item for the NSA.
Feb. 2, Thursday
MORNING. Our neighbor, Patrick, who lives in a room with private entrance at one end of our house, and who helps "watch" the house for us, and I inspected the house exterior meticulously for any evidence of "gun fire at the house." There was none.
[Note: About fifty yards behind the house, construction is underway with heavy equipment moving earth and rock as well as a major road producing loud sounds, such as motor backfires. Further, stones from children hunting with sling shots for birds among the nearby trees have been heard to land loudly on the corrugated metal roof of the house.]
Nilda called saying she and the children were feeling fine and that she felt safe there at her sister's (Ana Davis-Flores) house in Patillas. She said that she was planning to get some medical tests at the clinic of her cousin, Migdoel Vazquez-Davis, M.D. She said that she wanted to get tested since, that day, she walked less than two blocks and had shortness of breath and felt weak, and "that should not be." I said I was very happy at this news and encouraged her to get a complete checkup, blood tests, cardiac tests, the works!
[Note: About a month after Nilda arrived in Dominica, Dr. Duane Tweeddale, M.D., a Ross University School of Medicine professor, examined Nilda because she had symptoms related to her heart. Dr. Tweeddale reported to me that he examined Nilda, found nothing wrong with her heart or physical health, but thought that Nilda was depressed. For the depression, he prescribed exercise and getting out of the house. She tried to follow this advice for a month or so, but continued up to Feb. 1 to worry about, and report to me, shortness of breath, tachycardia and anxiety, among other symptoms, and continued to suspect that something might be wrong with her heart.]
I asked her what her plans were, how long she expected the medical tests to take and when the results would be available. She said that she was not sure how long all of the tests might take and could not make any specific plans yet.
From the conversation to this point, I understood that the main objective of the trip now seemed to be to undergo medical testing. For a long time, Nilda has tried to understand "what is wrong" with her and I have encouraged her to do just that, but she had been reluctant to do that in the past, saying, "I'm afraid of what I might find out."
[Note: In several previous discussions, she had said that the wide range of her symptoms ("I seem to suffer from every psychiatric symptom in the book!") might indicate some sort of organic brain disease, such as a tumor. On those occasions, I urged her to get a complete medical checkup and I suggested that it could also be her menopause; so let's hang in there and be optimistic.]
Since it seemed there was going to be an indeterminate length of time to meet this worthy objective, I asked Nilda why she had taken the kids with her, since we each had always cared for the children when the other was doing something else, either working or traveling. There was a long pause; she said nothing; there was no answer to that specific question during that conversation. Sensing the silence was becoming uncomfortable, I said, "Well, honey. let me say hello to the kids."
I sent love, hugs and kisses to Grace and Jimmy in separate conversations with each, saying they will see me soon when they come home or I come to be with the family there. To Grace, I assured her that all was well and that, as she knew, Mom had been feeling ill on occasion, and that it was very good for Mom to get a medical checkup.
I wondered what was Nilda's perception of the manner of her departure from Dominica, since it was very unusual, to say the least, compared with prior travel planning in our family. I expressed some sadness and worry about the manner of the departure of her and the kids and asked why she didn't stop by the campus to see me, if only so I could hug everyone good-bye or why she didn't stay somewhere (see above), perhaps over night, so we could talk and have a family consultation.
Nilda seemed confused and said that she had been frightened and now was a good opportunity for her to get tested medically. I acknowledged that, yes, I understood those things, but was wondering how she felt now about the abruptness of her departure, because I have been worrying about it. She said, "I have done the right thing, and you should be very happy about it." She became defensive, asking, "I called you as soon as I arrived, didn't I?" and "Don't you want your family to be safe?"
This response caused further worry, since there did not seem to be empathy with what I felt, or appreciation of the spiritual and moral implications of taking children on a major trip that they might not understand, under stressful conditions and without consultation with the other parent. Given symptoms which Nilda has reported to me and I have observed over the years, there was also a definite safety concern. [Note: see history prior to Feb. 1.]
Trying to connect with her on these concerns, I tried a semi-humorous analogy, saying, "Well, let's swap roles. Say you go for a walk or something and come home to find that I had left the country with our children leaving you completely in the dark beforehand; you might not only feel very shocked and worried; you might call out the police, national guard, army and air force to find us. If you can see what I mean, all I am saying is that I felt awfully worried, as you might under similar circumstances." She reiterated that she thought she had done the right thing, and that I should be very happy with it. I reiterated my love for her and joy that she was finally getting a complete medical checkup.
NOON. I went to work to teach a class. Saying that my wife had tried to call yesterday, I learned from Dr. Corbett, Executive Dean, that he did not think the phones were out of order between about 10 AM and 1 PM on Wednesday. There was no message from Nilda in my box.
Feb. 3, Friday
MORNING. I went to Roseau for a dental appointment made prior to Nilda's departure. This was the first time I have lost a tooth -- a molar pulled by the good doctor. That evening I learned that this day was also the first time that I might find myself in the process of loosing a family (see below). The jaw without molar ached every day.
EVENING. Phone call. Nilda said she was getting tested at Migdoel's clinic and listed several tests including a SMA24, and an electrocardiogram (ECG) which was normal. I expressed great relief and happiness and encouraged her to spare no expense in thorough testing, including endocrine. I specifically suggested the cardiac "treadmill" stress test since she had the tachycardia and shortness of breath. She agreed to make an appointment for that and other tests she had in mind. [Note: In previous conversations before this trip, Nilda had wondered if her intense episodes of anxiety were caused by a heart problem, or whether the pounding heart, shortness of breath and sweating -- all classic symptoms of anxiety -- were merely symptoms of an anxiety disorder.]
Speaking with Grace and Jimmy, I expressed love and reassurance that all was well.
I expressed some sadness that they were away, and that I didn't hug them good-bye, but that I was saving an extra hug to make up for that when I saw them, which I expected to be soon either at home or when I came over there to Ana's house to be with them. I asked Grace and Jimmy if they were happy and all right, and each said that they felt fine.
When Nilda got back on the phone again, I realized that the testing might take some time. Plus, I wanted to be there to support the family if any of Nilda's medical test results were positive (i.e., bad health news). I asked Nilda how she was feeling and she said she was feeling fine.
Then I asked about her plans and what she needed and wanted me to do, such as wait here for further news or should I come to Puerto Rico. And what did the children want to do? Stay there more time during her testing and possible treatment or should I come and pick them up. During the course of discussing these options, I explained that we should plan what we expect will be happening in this period, which might, it seems, be relatively short or perhaps more prolonged. She became tense in discussing these options, and didn't seem to me to be well oriented to the matters at hand. So I said, perhaps I might speak with Ana a moment. She left the phone momentarily. Returning she said, "Ana does not want to speak to you. I am going to tell you the truth, Jim. You are severely mentally ill. I will not bring the children home until you get psychiatric treatment and are taking lithium. I am very worried about you, Jim. You are very ill." Then, she loudly hung up the phone on me. [Needless to say, this is not exactly the sort of family support that a "very ill" person might need, according to generally accepted medical practice!]
I then called Errol Sealy (a Baha'i who might assist our family) in Barbados. He was not home. Left message to call me about an urgent matter.
I called David Hunt (a Baha'i in Puerto who knows Nilda and me) and described to him this troubling situation, asking that it be put on the agenda of the NSA of Puerto Rico, and that I was at their service to provide my perceptions. I suggested it would be helpful for Baha'is who Nilda knows to call or visit her and the children.
I continued to be worried about my family and quite upset that Nilda did not seem to have followed the Baha'i procedure of consultation nor to even appreciate or acknowledge that fact. I also was concerned for the protection of the reputation of the Baha'i Faith and of Nilda as a physician, which I have vigorously protected over the years in spite of her complaints of psychological troubles. A recent TV documentary on "parental kidnapping" featured authorities tracking down "kidnapped" children. Thus, in several conversations, I wondered whether the manner of her departure with our children, which was lamentable to me on spiritual and moral grounds, might also be illegal. In some of these conversations, I even stated that "if it were not illegal, it ought to be!" Talking with Mr. Hunt, he reminded me that Mr. Alan Smith was available for consultation as a Baha'i and was a lawyer. I deeply thank Mr. Hunt for this help.
I immediately rang Mr. Smith, who suggested that the NSA of Dominica might consult and communicate the with NSA of Puerto Rico, and I agreed with the merit of this idea. He asked a number of questions, including whether Nilda had been seen by a psychiatrist previously. I answered, yes. I had several questions for him, including the legality of one parent taking children without the other parent's knowledge or consent. He said it was not illegal; and I said that this was very favorable news, indeed! Mr. Smith also stated that he would generally consider such a thing to be "spiritually and morally wrong."
10:30 PM. Mr. Sealy returned my call. After describing the situation to him, he suggested that I contact the NSA of Dominica and request an emergency meeting and that I should do so immediately.
Although I was hesitant due to the late hour (approx. 11 PM), I called the Cooles asking for Sandra, NSA Secretary. Phillip answered; I think, alas, I had woke him up! I apologized for the lateness of the hour to be calling, and reported through Phillip to the NSA what Mr. Sealy had suggested, namely, that I should request an emergency meeting. Beyond reporting to the NSA the content of Mr. Sealy's suggestion to me, I did not myself request such a meeting on my own behalf. I knew we would be meeting on Feb. 12 and that if the NSA, with the information it had, wanted to meet earlier, that it would.
Feb. 4, Saturday
MORNING. I called Mr. Smith to update him re Mr. Sealy above, and seeking any news he had. I called Mr. Hunt to update him and the NSA of Puerto Rico on the situation and to seek news. He said that Mr. Ken Kalantar (an NSA member and Baha'i known to Nilda) had tried to call Nilda at Ana's house but that there had been no answer. I thanked Ken and David for this very encouraging news that Baha'is there were trying to be of assistance and support to Nilda and the children at this trying time. I said to him, "Thank God for the Baha'is!"
Wondering what Nilda might do, I found a box containing her diplomas, medical and controlled drug licenses and forms to practice psychiatry was empty. The box itself is of perfect shape and size and thus had been used to transport these documents in our recent travels. But it remained where it was. I concluded that Nilda did not want me to notice that she had taken these documents and that her trip involved more than fright at being a crime victim.
AFTERNOON and EVENING. I repeatedly tried to call Nilda at Ana's house, but there was no answer. Being the weekend, perhaps they were visiting relatives or simply out shopping. Knowing that Nilda and Ana tend to go to bed early, as the evening wore on, I became more worried.
I called other relatives of Nilda, who have known me for over twenty years, trying to locate Nilda, Grace, Jimmy and Ana. I did reach Luis Davis-Flores, Nilda's brother. When I expressed worry, my impression was that he had suddenly (compared to the last twenty years) become cold and did not seem comfortable talking with me. I had expected that he might be equally concerned about the whereabouts of his sisters and nephews. But he abruptly said he did not know where they could be. Whether my intuition regarding Luis' reaction to my call was correct or incorrect, his manner was puzzling and I become more worried for Nilda and the kids. If she had traveled there without my knowledge, where else might she have gone? An accident? Or are they simply visiting another relative?
Feb. 5, Sunday
I traveled to Puerto Rico arriving at Ana's house about 8 PM expecting my family to be there. They were not. Nilda's brother, Paul, who lives next door and neighbors had not seen them since Saturday morning. I went to Mia's house, an aunt of Nilda, with whom Nilda was very close. Confirming what I had just learned, she said she has been trying to call Ana's house, with no answer, since Saturday morning. Mia was also upset and confused as to why Nilda and the kids had not visited since their arrival (on Feb. 1). Mia urged me to spend the night at her house, but I declined saying I had to make more calls from San Juan. [Note: When we lived in Puerto Rico, frequent family visits to Patillas almost always included a visit to Mia.]
From Paul's house, I called Luis again informing him of this worrisome situation, and again he was abrupt and professed no knowledge of the whereabouts of Ana, Nilda and the kids. Now I was even more worried. No one knew where Nilda was. Although I assumed my family must be somewhere with Ana, I could not establish that. I told Paul and Ana's neighbors that it occurred to me that they may have simply gone to a guest house by the ocean for relaxation for the weekend, as they have done previously, and perhaps, after all, there is nothing to worry about.
I drove back to San Juan, arriving about 10 PM and passed by the Hunt's house to see if they might still be awake to exchange news. They were. I gave them a brief update and heard the news that Nilda had called Sandra Cooles that day. I said to David and Susan Hunt that although I remained extremely worried, this call by Nilda is very favorable news and that Nilda and kids might simply be at a guest house near Patillas.
Feb. 6, Monday
From a guest house in San Juan, I called home in Dominica several times in case Nilda and the kids had returned there. No answer. The same "no answer" all morning at Ana's house. Frustrated and worried sick, I then returned to Dominica. After arriving home that evening, there was still no answer at Ana's house. My family is missing.
Feb. 7, Tuesday
MORNING. Still no answer at Ana's house. My family is missing. I went to campus to see if there was any message from Nilda or anyone in the family for me. There was none.
Returning home, I called the Cooles and spoke with Sandra, stating my happiness at the news that Nilda had called her on Sunday, while I was traveling to Puerto Rico. She said that at the time of Nilda's call, she was unable at that moment to speak with her at any length, that she had explained this to Nilda, that Nilda had said to her that she had lots to talk about, that Sandra therefore suggested and encouraged Nilda to call back. I said to Sandra that this was very favorable news, particularly that Nilda wanted to talk at length with her. A while later, as I recall it, Sandra called back. Sandra informed me of the "emergency NSA meeting" planned for that night. I said I would come, although I strongly felt that I should perhaps stay at home so that Nilda would not be worried if she had been trying to call me while I was away in Puerto Rico and if she would be continuing to do so.
EVENING. Waiting to ride with Dr. Cooles from the Portsmouth campus to the NSA meeting in Roseau, Dr. Paul Cherian, M.D., psychiatrist and a fellow faculty member at Ross University and friend of mine, greeted me on the campus grounds. We conversed casually and he asked how Nilda was doing. Apparently, he had somehow learned of her trip to Puerto Rico. I said that she had been worried, as I have been, about the robberies in our area, that she also wanted to get some medical tests concerning her heart, having experienced fatigue and shortness of breath, and that I was very happy that she had gone to have that done.
Emergency NSA meeting. I expressed that I was upset, very worried and physically fatigued from my trip, that Nilda was not present to present her perspective, but that I would try my best to present what I know and perceive. I gave a detailed history, including Nilda's symptoms and behavior over years with respect to me and children. [Note: When I see how my suggestions to correct and clarify the minutes of that meeting, which I saw at the Feb. 12 meeting, are recorded, I may have additional comments.]
Feb. 8, Wednesday
MORNING. I returned from Roseau to Portsmouth to spend the day at home awaiting news. I called Paul, who lives next door to Ana in Patillas. He said he had still not seen them. Still extremely worried. Pondered whether I should file a missing persons report, and if so, after how long an interval. Since I was traveling for two days and then at the NSA meeting and since there was some reason to believe that my family might be with Ana, I decided to wait longer.
8:30 PM. Nilda called stating the call was from Ana's house. I told her how happy I was to hear from her, how much I loved her "no matter what," and how worried I have been about her and the children. After I recounted to her my trip to Puerto Rico, she said on Saturday morning, the children had become "upset" over their situation and she took them out to a guest house so the change might calm them down. This deeply concerned me; however, I wanted to be positive and supportive to her. I remarked that I was worried, and perhaps she too, by what would otherwise be an almost comic situation -- that each of us thought the other was in a place they were not. I explained that, since I could not reach them on Saturday, I was traveling to PR to be with the family on Sunday and Monday and attended an "emergency NSA meeting" on her departure on Tuesday evening. Knowing she might be trying to call, I said, I spent all day today at home hoping to hear from her.
I asked her to please always let me know the whereabouts of she and the children, as we each had always done with each other in the past, noting that I had been "worried sick." She agreed. I asked if she and the kids would be staying with Ana so I would know how to reach them in the case of emergency, and after some hesitancy, she said, yes.
I asked the name and location of the clinic where Nilda was being tested. She said, the Lafayette (sp?) Clinic in Humacao, PR; but she did not have its phone number at hand.
I asked her about the results of her medical tests. Thanks to God, the results to date were all negative, she said, including the ECG being "normal." I suggested she get a cardiac treadmill exercise test, since she had often reported shortness of breath and she agreed to get an appointment for that.
I expressed that the family, all four of us, ought to sit down and consult about the future, whether she felt comfortable living in Dominica, and so forth. I said that she and the kids could come home for us to consult and plan or that I would look at my schedule to come there for a long weekend or more. I reiterated my often expressed attitude that she was free, as she always has been, to do what she wanted to feel comfortable and be happy and healthy. I expressed that family consultation, with all four of us, had always worked well on all sorts of matters, family trips, moves, activities, relations, etc, and that everyone could express themselves, as we have previously, including Jimmy and Grace.
She seemed to agree to this, but I sensed some hesitancy. She said she was concerned that "I was trying to destroy her medical career." I expressed surprise since I have been supporting her career for over twenty years and asked why she thought that. She asked if I remembered previous phone calls (above); and I said, yes, and that there never has been any statement from me to her or anyone else about destroying her career or intended to do so. So I asked what specifically did she have in mind.
She then referred to my rhetorical question (see above), "This [the carrying off of children without the other parent's knowledge] sounds like something that should be illegal, but I don't know if it is." Indeed, that sort of question could have implications, if it were illegal, or as it now seemed, she herself was questioning the morality or legality of her actions. I hastened to comfort her saying, "I am so sorry, you poor dear. I talked with Allan Smith who told me that it was not illegal; you have nothing to worry about; that was last week; let's focus on now; on my love for you; on our family and get going with our futures."
[Note: Her brother, Luis Davis-Flores, is a lawyer and presumably could have told her that if she asked him. For me, the legality never was an issue, it was only a question. My worry arose from the manner of departure, which did not feel or seem to be morally or spiritually right and could be damaging to the souls of the children and family unity.]
A further positive note was that she said she wanted to talk more, and that she was concerned for me. I thanked her and reiterated my love and concern for her. I said I was feeling totally fine health-wise and aside from being worried this last week and knowing how upset she had been, was very happy and relieved to receive her call.
She then said that she wanted me to get a MRI, without indicating of what part of the body. I said that we can talk about it; and I assured her that health-wise I felt just fine and that, being blessed with such good health over the years, getting an MRI is something I had never thought about doing in the absence of any health symptom or complaint. I told her that my "health news" is that a molar was pulled (removed) at my Friday morning dental appointment and that the jaw has been hurting a bit since then, but that I wasn't worried about it. She expressed sympathy for me about my tooth.
I sensed that she did not know where to take the conversation from this point. We agreed to pray and meditate and talk more Thursday night.
Ten or so minutes after this call, I thought it might be good to ask to speak with Grace and Jimmy, although by that time they would ordinarily be asleep. I dialed again to ask if they were still awake. After about four rings, I realized that everyone had probably gone to bed; and hung up to avoid disturbing their rest.
SUMMARY: For almost five days, I did not know the whereabouts of my family.
Feb. 9 Thursday
9:00 AM. Rang Ana's house, to speak with the family, especially the children; no answer.
Rang Mia, wanting to ask her if she could visit Nilda and the children; no answer.
I called Alan Smith, gave him an update on situation, including my discussion above with Nilda on having a family consultation with all present in person either here at home or in PR. Alan said that the family should have a face-to-face consultation, and suggested the PR NSA might facilitate that process, and that I might write to them for that purpose. I agreed. That letter was written and faxed, with copies to others.
I obtained from information the Lafayette Clinic, Humacao, phone 1-787-850-2342, where Nilda told me that she was receiving her medical tests. I called Lafayette. Lafayette is a veterinary clinic (for animals) run by Dr. Reyes. The receptionist said there was a psychiatrist Dr. Reyes in Humacao, whom I called (1-787-850-2535). This Dr. Reyes had no knowledge of Dr. Vazquez-Davis or his clinic.
I called the Hunt house in Puerto Rico; spoke with Susan Hunt; gave her update for the NSA and she provided the NSA phone numbers: 721-6584 voice and 722-7879 fax. I went to the Ross University campus to teach a class.
8:00 PM. She called me and was more upset than the day before. She said that she will not allow me to speak with our children. The worst morbid thinking by her that I have observed over the years was now evident. She said she feels threatened and unsafe. Her thought content and preoccupation now focus on harm to herself, myself and the children, which all mental health professionals know is an ominous sign, and which, by itself, is reason to report to proper authorities and marshal professional help. Where the safety of children might be in question, as I believe it might be, professional ethics dictate that child welfare authorities should be notified.
Thought Content of Nilda. She said that she was certain I had a brain tumor and would be dead within a few months, that I would be loosing my job shortly, that she was afraid I would cause her or the children physical harm, that I told the children that she was mentally ill, that I was mentally ill and should be taking lithium [and in a Wednesday call, that I should get an MRI], and that she has obtained a certification of mental health from a psychiatrist in PR [not worth the paper it is written on, in my opinion]. A clear theme in these delusions (false beliefs) is feeling threatened (technically, called paranoia).
I explained to her that I was feeling healthy and was happy, except for this family situation; that in light of this absence of symptoms or complaints on my part, I had no reason or intention to see a psychiatrist on the basis of a false premise, or to undergo treatment, including lithium administration [as she had demanded of me in return for seeing my children]; that I am not feeling ill in any way; that I intend this as a frank statement of the position on this matter that I now maintain; that I do not anticipate any change in that position; that therefore she should take this into consideration in her plans; that my only "health news" was that my jaw was still aching from the pulled tooth, and that we should focus on what comes next. I asked if the foregoing explanation was clear and if she understood it or had any questions about it.
She said she understood my explanation. Then, I said, we can start talking about the future. What her plans are (in light of her intention not to return to Dominica). Where will the children be going to school. Whether they will visit me. What she and the kids might need from home here, that I might send -- clothes, toys, books, etc. What money she might need. What about housing? Etc. I said we had a lot to talk about and everything should work out fine. I said I had no demands of her; that she will continue to be a wonderful, dearly beloved wife and mother; and that in whatever way she might find more health and happiness, she could count on my support, as always has been the case in the past. She being not too talkative at this point, I suggested that she think about these things, talk to others, for example, Ana, and that we could talk more about all this in the coming days. She asked me not to phone Ana's house, and she said that she would call me on Friday night.
Feb. 10 and 11, Friday and Saturday
No call from Nilda. I decided to respect her wish about not calling. This would give her time to meditate and perhaps talk to others and clarify what she wanted to do.
Feb. 11. Since the NSAs of both Puerto Rico and Dominica might well be including this situation on their agendas, I wrote and faxed a two page memo to them, copies to Mr. Smith and Mr. Sealy, to summarize information and perspectives, which might be helpful.
Feb. 12, Sunday
I attended the NSA of Dominica meeting and was very surprised to learn, in Sandra's answers to questions from NSA members, what is cited above (in chronological order under Feb. 1) as Sandra's statements to the NSA, as I understood them. In retrospect, I must have appeared to be quite silly, indeed, looking for messages and inquiring in Puerto Rico about Nilda, when, as might be surmised from Sandra's revelations to the NSA, Nilda might have had every intention of hiding herself and our children from her husband and their father.
God help Nilda and those blessed, innocent & pure children, Jimmy & Grace. I pray for you constantly. Love, Dad.
Copyright © 2002 James J. Keene
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