Here at Brow Motors, we have assembled a top-notch
team to assist with the development of the steam car
of the future.
Hans "Mad Vlad" Tepes, a not-so-recent graduate of
the State Polytechnic University of Transylvania, is
our chief production engineer. Hans has developed
some amazing new production methods, including
welding fixtures made from wood stakes, upon which
the parts to be welded are firmly impaled, and a new
case-hardening technique involving the use of a
proprietary red liquid. A hard worker, Hans toils
away far into the wee hours, then disappears just
before dawn, to catch some Z's in his cool
satin-lined bed with closing lid, an unusual habit
he apparently developed as part of the radical
"underground" in the 1960s. Though diligent in his
work, Hans admits that the challenges of steam car
development sometimes drive him "absolutely
batty".
"Ned" as we call him, is the head of our Australian
R&D division, located in a remote disused opal mine
somewhere in the outback. We haven't heard much
from him lately, as the cost of heavily-armed camel
couriers and bulletproof vests has made
communication difficult. At last report, he had
developed an interesting new drilling technique
involving the use of high-velocity lead drill bits
chemically propelled from steel tubes with shallow
spiral grooves cut into the inner diameter. He has
an amazing ability to scrounge up tools, materials,
and other supplies at practically no cost, though we
wonder about the ammunition, traffic barriers, and
surplus Australian police uniform we shipped to him
recently. Ned is reportedly working on a
steam-powered body armor suit made entirely from
recycled steel components, and promises to restore
communication "as soon as trucks with satellite
uplinks and computer equipment try to drive through
here".
"Dead Ed" is our senior R&D team member, having
just moved here from Death Valley, California with
the kind assistance of Dr. Mojimbo Laveau of
Jonestown, Haiti. 168 years young, Ed knows more
about steam than the rest of us put together, having
worked with the Stanley Brothers after a long career
that included riding for the Pony Express, a stint
in the Confederate Army during the Civil War, and
several decades as a locomotive troubleshooter for
the Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe Railroad. Some say that steam cars went out with high-buttoned shoes; well, Ed went out with WOMEN IN high-buttoned shoes!
Ed's design philosophy is "get rid of them durn
newfangled gizmos and pump yer own consarned water
by hand". Here Ed is shown quality-checking the
cool retro-look steering wheel he designed for our
forthcoming steam roadster. We don't know where
"Doc" Laveau dug up a top-notch steam expert like
Ed, but we sure appreciate it; corporate
headhunters are really worth hiring. Keeping up
with Ed has been a challenge to the entire staff, prompting us all to bone up on our steam knowledge. Despite his advanced age, it would be a grave mistake to underestimate Ed. He's always coughin' up new ideas. And Ed's dry wit and deadpan humor absolutely knock us dead!
Boozer T. Cat is our shop mascot, resident pest
control expert, and relaxation advisor. Shown here
inspecting our in-house foundry sandpit, his calm,
laid-back attitude is an inspiration to us all.
Though we wish he'd lay off the cigarettes and beer. This cat smokes three packs a day.
Crazy Drunk Guy, an Olde English fellow, wandered into our plant one day, having just taken the Night Train in from Old Milwaukee via 'Cisco. His plan to convert a Thunderbird to steam power really caused a Ripple of excitement around here. When not fighting Boozer T. Cat over a bottle of beer, Crazy Drunk Guy's duties include wheezing, staggering, barfing, and collapsing about the place. Current projects include developing a lung-powered method of carbureting ethanol fumes.
Happy McMonkey is our Executive VP for Advertizing and Promotion. A primate of few words, his infectious grin and irrepressable enthusiasm have done wonders to promote the "spirit of steam" among prospective customers.
http://www.geocities.com/inventor_92102
https://www.angelfire.com/space/peterbrow
