~Everyone has the power to make someone happy, some by entering the room, and some by leaving it
~When angry, count to 10. When really angry, swear!
~Things maybe not what they seem but its just because life is messed up
~You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough
~Guys are like M&Ms, some have nuts and some don't
~I get enough exercise just pushing my luck
~Of all the things i lost, i miss my mind the most
~Don't play stupid with me, i'm better at it than you are
~I can only please one person a day; today isn't your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either, neither does the rest of the week
~Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill
~I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it
~There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train
~Friends are Gods way of apologizing to us for our families
~I try to think, but nothing happens
~An apple a day keeps the doctor a way, if the doctor's cute, forget the fruit
~Never frown. You never know when someone could be falling in love with your smile

~A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
~Remember, we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you
~Smile. Its makes people wonder what you've been up to
~Always happy, never sad, sometimes naughty, never bad
~Roses are red, violets are blue, babies come easy so watch what you do
~If you wanna be seen, stand up. If you wanna be heard speak up. If you wanna be appreciated, shut up!
~I don't forget, I just don't remember all the time
~I haven’t failed; I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work
~I smile cause I have no idea what's going on
~Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to keep the bodies
~Blondes have it made, brunettes don't have an excuse to act stupid
~If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
~To make things simple, let's automatically assume everything I say is right
~I talk to myself because I'm the only one I'll listen to
~Earth is full. Go home
~Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse
~You're just jealous because the little voices talk to me
~Blame someone else and get on with your life
~Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else
~Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself
~If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
~I don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it
~God made man, then he had a good idea
~I wouldn't be broke if the voices in my head paid rent
~I have all the answers. Though i never said they were right
~To the world you might be one person, to one person you might be the world
~If you can't convince them, confuse them
~Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be an illusion
~If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
~Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars
~You can't have the real highs in life, without the deep lows
~Good girls are just bad girls who never get caught
~Men are like slinkys, good for nothing, but you can't help but laugh when one falls down a flight of stairs
~Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
~Its better to keep one's mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubts
~Men are like public toilets, they're either taken or full of crap
~You say you live on the edge, well, i fell off awhile ago