Engineers
Threads - Understanding Engineers
Jim
Edwards started by posting:
Understanding Engineers (from an old engineer)
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him."
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
fire-fighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they
called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems
in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying
the huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small "x"
in chalk on a particular component of the machine and said, "This is
where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked
perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The
engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they asked.
The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done."
====================================
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer
took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told that you I'm a
beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Tim
Daly posted a comment with an attachment to the list, was reproved by
Donald, and prompted this post from Toby:
>
Dear Tim,
> I think I can see the procession forming already
>
> On a science list they betray their origins by wearing
multicoloured hoods,
> but they will have other similarities to the KKK.
Sorry,
Tim, but I just deleted the email and file. DEE correctly
discerns that engineers stand out in a crowd. But it is not usually
their hoods, but their multi-coloured sleeveless pullovers which are
distinctive, usually supplied by the tasteful women in their lives.
Engineers
generally appear as hardworking, handsome, logical, hardworking, witty,
self-effacing, hardworking, ethical, and hardworking
technologists.
I
trust this clarifies the matter sufficiently..
One
more thing: Tim, don't send attachment to a list. No one
with a milligram of caution will open it.
Donald
Lang replied
Errrmmm!
Anyone who has
ever seen an academic procession wobbling on its multicoloured way
would not mistake them all for a "selection of engineers".{Possible
oxymoron alert here.} And yes I did mean hoods, plus in some cases
robes of startling hues. I suspect the KKK would have difficulty
keeping up with the ethical contradictions of an average Senate
Meeting, but let that pass, if you pay enough.
>
> On a science list they betray their origins by wearing
> multicoloured hoods,
> > but they will have other similarities to the KKK.
>
> Sorry, Tim, but I just deleted the email and file. DEE
correctly
> discerns that engineers stand out in a crowd.
Not always in
the crowd I specified.
>
But it is not
> usually their hoods, but their multi-coloured sleeveless
> pullovers which are distinctive, usually supplied by their
> tasteful women in their lives.
Note possessive
case. Do female engineers get supplied by their tasteful men in their
lives similarly? Or is someone trapped in a time warp?
> Engineers generally appear* as hardworking, handsome, logical,
> hardworking, witty, self-effacing, hardworking, ethical, and
> hardworking technologists.
Yes, it must be
hard work for some, maintaining that image.
*Appearances can
be so deceptive.
Toby
answered:
DEE
said:
>
*Appearances can be so deceptive.
The
reasons engineers are different are quite profound, and worth
considering.
The
engineer's first responsibility is to the community, not the client,
not other engineers, not the government... the community. It
is a relatively frequent occurrence, alas, to find you have to tell
your client to find someone else, because his interests are not
the community interests. The great bulk of engineers do see it
that way, and that alone makes them somewhat different.
And
[abbreviated note formerly in Latin] I remind all on the list that they
use electricity, enjoy the benefits of water supply and sewerage,
drive on roadways and the like... all of which are the fruits of
engineering, not merely science. A better road is a great
idea, but a road regardless of whether it is better or not, is
essential.
Engineering
must produce an answer on a given day, good enough for the
purpose. Science has the luxury of merely proving a hypothesis
wrong from time to time. Probably this is why scientists have
such trouble understanding what engineers are on about.
I
neglected to mention that it is unethical for engineers to appear at
all unless there is an adequate fee, simply because the idea
of sustainability is supposed to be inherent in engineering.
BTW,
my own fancy dress is a lovely blue (thank you), with a red stole and
NO hood. This is, once again, practical. Why would you need
a trencher AND a hood? Some scientist (or perhaps even an arts
graduate) obviously thought of having both, when only one head covering
is actually required.
The
masters degree had boring black with a spew-coloured hood. But
[...] I prefer the sleeveless pullover for getting in and out of
drains and I never where a gown when typing on the science list.
Sometimes
you just don't need a better idea, you know, you need to get on and
produce a tangible result.
Rod Olsen wrote:
To backtrack the
thread a little, I would like to raise the issue of the public
perception of engineers.
I appreciate the
role of humour in helping each of us get through life BUT
Sometimes I
think the Australian fondness for "taking 'em down a peg or two, it's
good for them" (or words to that effect) does go a little too
far. I do not think engineers get the due credit/recognition
their ancient profession and immeasurable contribution to humanity
deserve. After all it was the first engineers, the "adj mer" (the
Ancient Egyptian 'diggers of canals') who made possible civilisation
along the Nile. Engineers, by whatever local name, have built
much of the development of human history since then.
Also I realise
any profession is liable to be lampooned, some -like lawyers - more
than others. Even the Immortal Bard had a go at lawyers (like
people since lawyers first arose from the primordial ooze):
"The first
thing we do , let's kill all the lawyers"
("Henry VI, Part
2", Act 4, Scene 2, line 86, William Shakespeare)
The Bard also
appears to have had a swipe at the subspecies "military engineer":
"For 'tis the
sport to have the engineer
Hoist with his
own petard"
("Hamlet", Act 3
Scene 4, line 206, William Shakespeare)
- for those
unfamiliar with Mediaeval military engineering, a "petard" was a
gunpowder bomb in an iron cup-shaped container, mounted on a wooden
board.
When attacking a
castle or similar that had a wooden access door or gate, a group of
attacking soldiers & a military engineer rushed the door or gate,
nailed the petard to it, then lit the fuse and scarpered. The
iron container forced the explosion out through the mounting board to
blow a hole in the door or gate for attacking troops to use to enter
the fortification.
The trick was
that fuses then were unreliable, not to mention defending troops on the
wall above busily trying to kill the petard party with crossbow bolts,
tipped buckets of boiling oil or whatever. So, often, the
military engineer was killed in the process, either by defending troops
or by premature explosion of the petard.
In an age of
glorified narcissism, greed and self-indulgence such as ours, I think
it is important that the legacy of the engineer should be better
honoured. In time, perhaps, when the "buffed and tanned screen
jockeys" and their corporate ilk have gone back into the earth,
civilisation will flower anew. We will need our engineers then to
build that civilisation. In hope of same, as I am ever the
optimist, I think we must nurture the engineering profession, just as
we must nurture education and the sciences, to ensure their legacy
survives and prospers to help us meet the wants and needs of that
future civilisation.
And, no, I am
not - nor have I ever been - an engineer. It is simply that, as
an amateur history enthusiast, I appreciate the vital role of engineers
in the history of humanity.
The final word came from Tim Daly:
As the originator of this matter and in response to Rod Olsen's message, I
must let you know that I am a recently retired Mechanical Engineer
(University of Sydney) with many happy years involvement in the
Australian and International mining industry and as a Principal
Engineer with some of Australia's leading Engineering consulting
organisations. I am happy that I have made a good number of useful
contributions during my service.
I do not believe it is wise to take ourselves too seriously; we aren't
here for a long time so, when possible, have a good time. I guess
offering may seemed to some as poor taste, it was meant as a good
natured nudge at my own profession.
It also seems that I 'Goofed' when sending my original message with
attachment, (though the 'old hands' very soon put me in my place) 'Mea
Culpa' (spelling ??) - I shall not sin again.
best
wishes to you all,
Tim.
