Part 10
Buck sat completely
silent, tears of compassion running down his face as he listened to the hell
his friend had lived through. Needing to
do something to convey comfort, Buck reached out a slightly trembling hand and
rested it on his friend’s head.
Chris sat in his
chair, wanting to kill someone for the pain they had put Ezra through, but he
knew that they were all dead already. He
felt so helpless right now, and he hated feeling like this. There was no way to go back and change what
had happened, and there were no more culprits to hunt down. Finally he also reached out to rest a hand on
Ezra head.
Nathan was
also crying as he listened. He had
misjudged this man so badly. He had
himself been guilty of what he had accused Ezra of so many times. He had judged him by the color of his skin
and the sound of his voice, not by his actions.
Moved more than he could ever remember being before, Nathan reached out
to touch the tormented man, as the others had.
The last to
reach out was Josiah, who could barely breathe as he listened to the anguish
pouring out of the young man he had actually thought of like his own son in
ways. He had been so blind, and in his
blindness he had hurt him so badly.
Finally he reached out and connected the other three men’s hands with his
large hand. The only thing he could do
now was pray.
After several
minutes, Ezra started to calm and they took their hands away. Finally Ezra continued, sniffling once in a
while, but gaining strength as he went on.
“They
eventually shot me and left me for dead, locked in the house with their
bodies. Rachel’s brother came by and
found me and took me into the town to the doctor, though, and I eventually
healed. They were found, and brought
back for trial a few weeks later. Of
the seven men involved, only Jacob was convicted and hung by the judge that
presided over the case.
“After the
sentence was read, I was furious. Just
because of the color of her skin, the judge let them off. I got out of the jail at the first
opportunity that presented itself and started to hunt them down. I wasn’t going to let them get away with
killing her or my boys.” Ezra’s voice
hardened as he spoke of hunting the men that had killed his family, and Buck,
Josiah, Nathan, and Chris were all convinced that Ezra would do it all over
again if he had to.
“I was
fortunate that the bastards seemed to prefer the South, where duels are still
fairly common. Six duels…six dead
murderers. No tricks,
no cons, just speed and skill.”
The steel and fire in Ezra voice and on his face were unmistakable.
The Ezra
sudden wilted, “But after I had my revenge, there was no reason for life. I went back to the life Maude had taught me,
it was easy and I didn’t have to feel or think about it. Rachel would have hated what I’ve
become. After a while I realized that,
indeed I think what really drove home that point was meeting all of you here in
“She’d be
proud of you now, wouldn’t she? Even if
you’ve been hiding behind the Gambler, you’ve been using it to help people,”
Buck pointed out, trying to find something that would cheer Ezra up even if
only very slightly.
Ezra’s smile
brightened just a touch as he thought about it. “Yes, maybe a little,” Ezra
agreed, then he suddenly frowned again. “But not what I nearly did to Chris. She never would have forgiven me for that if
it had worked.”
All of the
men in the room looked at each other in confusion. None of them could remember anything that
Ezra had done to Chris that would account for this. Granted, he could annoy the hell out of Chris
without trying, but Ezra was making it sound as if he had done something
horrible to him.
“What are you
talking about, Ez?” Buck finally asked, when Chris didn’t say anything.
Ezra closed
his eyes with a pained expression. “I’m
sorry, Chris.”
“For what, Standish?” Chris finally spoke up when Ezra didn’t continue.
“That day at
the village, I left not to look for gold, but for another reason, but then I
heard them coming and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back to the village in
time to warn you. I waited until they
were past me and tried to come up behind them, but there were too many scouts
for me to move all that fast. By the
time I got around all of them, it was too late and you had already been
taken. You all know what happened from
there,” Ezra told them.
“So why did
you leave?” Josiah asked.
Even as they
watched tears welled up in Ezra’s eyes again, shocking them all over
again. “I’m so sorry, Chris. I’m sorry,” Ezra whispered brokenly.
When no one
spoke, Buck reached over and nudged Chris, who nodded and cleared his
throat. “Standish, what ever happened,
just tell me and get it over with.” Not knowing how else to lighten the
atmosphere, Chris tried a weak joke, “I ain’t goin’ ta
shoot you over it now.”
They all
jumped when Ezra suddenly gave a bark of bitter laughter. Then next words out of his mouth made their
blood run cold.
“But that was
what I wanted!”
Chris, who
had been leaning forward, jerked backward as if he had been slapped.
“I was sure
when I left, that when I was late coming back from patrol, you would shoot me yourself,
and I wanted that more than anything else at the time. I wanted death, but didn’t have the courage
to take my own life,” Ezra confessed.
It was Nathan
that voiced the question that had popped into each of their minds after that
statement. “Ezra, did you want to die
that day in the saloon?”
Ezra turned
to look directly at Nathan, the first time he had looked directly at any of
them since he had started his story. “Yes.
That was why I chose them for my game.
That’s why I cheated when I could have won easily. But mutilation, no. When I saw the article in the paper the next
day, even though I knew it was exaggerated, I believed either the fighting
would kill me, or I could provoke you into getting rid of me permanently.”
Chris quickly
tried to squash the fear that was rising, and the anger that always accompanied
that fear, for he knew Ezra was in no condition to have to deal with his
emotions and reactions. Swallowing hard,
he asked in a level controlled voice, “Why did you stay afterward then?”
“At first,
because you gave me a second chance,” Ezra said, with a slight, but genuine,
smile. “Then, of course, Judge Travis
stepped in. He knew what had happened in
“After the
month was up, I didn’t want to leave. I
had found a place where my life could have meaning again. I could make something of myself here. I had begun to hope again,” Ezra admitted.
“And thank
God you did,” Buck declared firmly.
“We’re a family here, and it wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Seeing that
Ezra was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, Nathan stood and shooed the
others out of the clinic. Only Buck put
up much of a protest, but when Josiah reminded him that they needed to find Vin and JD and fill them in on what had been said, Buck
acquiesced and went along with them.
Chris got up
and headed for the door, but then waited for Buck and Josiah to leave before
turning back and saying, “Ezra, you were wrong.” When Ezra just looked up at him in confusion,
he explained, “It wasn’t cowardice that kept you from killing yourself. It was
courage, for it takes more courage to keep on living with the pain, than it does
to give up and die.” Ezra was stunned as
he watched the black clad man walk out of the clinic.
~~~~~
After
rounding up Vin and JD, Chris, Buck, and Josiah headed
for the saloon, which they knew would be fairly empty this time of day. It only took them a few minutes to fill them
in on what had happened in the clinic.
After they were finished, JD looked like he wanted to throw up, and Vin looked ready to kill.
They all sat quietly for several minutes, but Buck noticed that Chris
was starting to drink hard and fast.
“Chris, you all right?” Buck asked, getting worried about the man.
The fire of
anger in Chris’s eyes when he looked up at him surprised Buck. “Hell, no, I’m not all right. I judged a man guilty on circumstantial
evidence and come to find out I couldn’t have been more wrong about him!” Chris poured himself another drink as he
continued. “Ezra’s been here for three
years, I’ve operated on the assumption that that first meeting was all there
was to the man.”
“So did we,” Buck pointed out.
“He hides so well that we never thought to look closer. The only ones that noticed anything were Vin
and JD.”
“An’ we
didn’t push it. We noticed a few things,
but we didn’t follow up on them,” Vin put in.
Josiah nodded
as he agreed, “Vin’s right, we’re all at fault. I have been called a man of God, but I didn’t
care enough to see his pain. I only
cared about trying to get him to conform to what I thought he should be. He even came directly to me looking for help
and I turned him away.” Josiah added the
last with a wince.
They were all
silent as the remembered the fiasco with the assassin and the money they had
found. It had been a hard time for them
all, to forgive themselves and each other.
Chris had actually clobbered Josiah when he had found out what he had
done to Ezra. They all remembered how
upset Ezra had been about that; he had been more upset
about it than Josiah, who had thought he deserved it.
Chris sat
silently contemplating the drink in his hands, as he remembered all the times
Ezra had done something seemingly out of character, all the hints that they had
been given that there was more to this man than they thought. There were many, some of which still hadn’t
been explained. Clair Mosby, Irene Dunlap, Li Pong, the ring he always wore,
Chaucer, his skill with weapons.
Chris knew
that they would find out eventually, but he knew also that they would be
looking for the explanations. He just
hoped that it would take another incident like this to do it.
Setting the
glass done on the table, still full, Chris looked up and met the eyes of each
of his men it turn. “Things are going to
have to change around here. There’s to be no more sidelining him or cutting him
out of things. Ezra’s a member of this
here brotherhood, let’s start acting like it!”
“You said
it,” Buck agreed.
“Yeah!”
JD threw in enthusiastically, excited that they older men had finally seen what
he and Vin and glimpsed a few times over the years.
“Amen,”
Josiah concurred.
Vin
nodded, not saying anything verbally, but the look in his eyes and on his face
said it all. If any of them failed to do
so, they were going to be answerable to him.
A glance at Buck confirmed that he would be glad to lend Vin a hand if he should need it.
