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The Essays of Brother Anonymous
Spiritual Essays
Last revised: June 14, 2009.
As the wonderful news pours in of European nobility being overturned and powerful figures at all levels of society being undone as the Light sweeps the Earth clean, I continue to be drawn inwards.
I am confronted with test after test of a personal nature, as successive layers of ignorance and selfishness arise to be seen.
I push against the eye of the needle and cannot go through. I look and see fresh areas where impurity remains.
I know that my own mission is to know the truth. But what is left undone in my area of service continues to refine itself. It seems that not a jot or tittle of impurity can remain before I am able to pass through the needle’s eye.
I have sacrificed attachment to career and life to call Bush, Cheney, and the neocon cabal, mass murderers and high traitors. At the time I saw these as public enemies whose crimes needed to be named.
More recently I have sacrificed position and allegiance to my closest friends in service of what appeared to me to be the truth. I have had to give up an honoured place in service to it.
I am cut off from friend and turned away from foe. And yet more remains to be done.
I see, as I have seen before but more clearly now, that harmlessness comes before truth for human beings.
That is not to say that the truth is second to something else. It is to say that one who is not harmless cannot fully apprehend the truth, which alone frees.
That is for me the meaning of the passage, I think from Jesus, which says that the feet must be washed in the blood of the heart. There are many meanings for that passage, I am sure. Mine is only personal.
In ancient days, it was the custom to wash the feet of the traveler. Jesus washed the feet of all his disciples to make a point to them.
To wash the feet with water is the outer custom; to wash the feet with the blood of the heart is the inner custom.
The blood of the heart is love.
I have not washed the feet with the blood of the heart and so the truth continues to elude me.
I lie here on my bed, having cried for three hours perhaps a night ago (I cannot remember), unable to pass through the needle’s eye because impurity remains. I see that I am not harmless.
I do not love enough yet to be, in my own apprehension, pure in heart. I can see as I breathe in that impurity remains. I encounter a holding in my breath or a feeling that is inimical to love.
I sense that I have completed the clause of my soul contract that calls for me to love the truth before all other worldly objects and pursuits.
But I have not completed the clause of my contract that requires me to be harmless if I would apprehend the truth. I am not pure in heart and so I cannot pass through the needle’s eye.
There is no more to say now other than to declare that I am not harmless, loving, and pure. Being not pure in heart, I cannot apprehend the truth.
Around me the dark ones are herded up and taken from the planet. And my task in all this is simply to love and thereby to know the truth.
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The Essays of Brother Anonymous
Spiritual Essays
