Atlanta, Georgia (pronunciation: At lan tuh, JORjah)
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets.
The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start
over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree..." and include the
phrase, "When you see the Waffle House...". The only exception is Cobb
County, where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken...".
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused
with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road,
Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Avenue,
Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Old Peachtree,
or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native
signal at a stoplight, to change lanes, or to merge. Never!
Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask
for
any other soft drink...unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then,
it's still "Coke".
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse so
wear
sneakers and pack a lunch.
The doors on the trains in the Airport do not reopen like an elevator
if
you stick your hand out. And they hurt.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you
started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has
posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel
lost...they're just on a "scenic drive".
The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30am. The 5pm rush hour is from
3:30 to 7:30pm.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00am
Saturday.
Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody...especially those of us
who live here. Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head-on
collision.
"Sir" and "Ma'm" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a
remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.
"Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss". So is "Sweetpea".
"Honey" is always used by Waffle House waitresses.
Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not
attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads
to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss
duh
LEE-on.)
The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget
all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye
shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.
If a single snowflake falls the city is paralyzed for three days and
it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month.
All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water,
toilet paper, and beer if there is a remote chance of snow. If it does
snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard"
T-shirts.
If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected
to
get on and go somewhere.
It is always Smog Alert Day.
Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form
of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's
version of Old Faithful erupts.
Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close
down all lanes except one during rush hour.
Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours
mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is
rated number one in the country. You will often see people parked
beside
the road and engaged in lively discussion.
Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It
winds through the city on the Interstates, hence the name. Actually,
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of
55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run
over) is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500".
Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely
see a semi-truck on GA400, because even the truck drivers are
intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after
a
grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at
the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.
The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts
at
120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads,
vehicles, houses, etc., are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you
have any allergies, you will die.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless
your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a
full clip.
Thanks to
Hunnypots for this Northern perspective of Hotlanta'.