1. Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date her mother.

2. She has a thicker moustache than you.

3. You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her.

3. You joking ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.

4. Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.

5. You walk away from her front porch with the roses you got her shoved up your ass.

6. You are the first guy that she has gone out of that isn't her cousin.

7. At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.

8. You wake up in the morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.

9. She is better hung than you.

10. At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.