1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
2. When he asked why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......
5. Touch him.
6. Refer to him by his first name.
7. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
8. When he says no, cry.
9. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
10. If the cop is a woman, tell her ugly she is, but in a nice way.
11. If he asks you to get out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
12. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
13. When he puts the handscuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first."
14. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
15. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
16. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't here you!"
17. Trip and fall into him.
18. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.
19. Clean your ear with his pen.
20. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say "I thought the name sounded familiar..."
21. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm...only 5 of you here tonight......
22. When he comes to the car, say, "I have a badge just like yours!"
23. Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.
24. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.
25. If he takes you to the station, ask him if you can sit up front.
26. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
27. Ask if you can see his gun.
28. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
29. Tell him you like men in uniform.
30. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.

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HOW about theses excuses!
31. "I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer."
32. "Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in."
33. "Aren't you the guy from the Village People?"
34. "Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me . . . Good job!"
35. "Excuse me . . . is 'stick-up' hyphenated?"
36. "I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer."
37. "You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?"
38. "Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on 'COPS' last night?"
39. "Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand."
40. "So, uh, you on the take, or what?"
41. Gee, Officer, that's terrific . . . the last officer only gave me a warning, too!"
42. "Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does."
43. "I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there's no other cars around . . . that's how far ahead of me they are."
44. "What do you mean, 'Have I been drinking?' You're the trained specialist."
45. "Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control."