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Are you going out with someone who... * Is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you? Won't accept breaking up? * Tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinions seriously? * Puts you down in front of friends, tells you that you would be nothing without him or her? * Scares you? Makes you worry about reactions to things you say or do? Threatens you? Uses or owns weapons? * Is violent? Has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others? Grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you? * Pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex? Gets too serious about the relationship too fast? * Abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to take them? * Has a history of failed relationships? Blames the other person for all the problems? * Makes your family and friends uneasy and concerned for your safety?
If you answer yes to any of these questions you could be a victim of dating abuse. Dating violence or abuse affects one in ten teen couples. Abuse isn't just hitting. It's yelling, threatening, name-calling, saying, "I'll kill myself if you leave me," obsessive phone calling, and extreme possessiveness. WHAT IF YOUR PARTNER IS ABUSING YOU AND YOU WANT OUT? * Tell your parents, a friend, a counselor a clergyman, or someone else whom you trust and who can help. * The more isolated you are from friends and family, the more control the abuser has over you. * Alert the school counselor or security officer. * Keep a daily log of the abuse. * Do not meet your partner alone. Do not let him or her in your home or car when you are alone. * Avoid being alone at school, your job, on the way to and from places. * Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be back. * Plan and rehearse what you would do if your partner became abusive. HOW TO BE A FRIEND TO A VICTIM OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE Most teens talk to other teens about their problems. If a friend tells you he or she is being victimized, here are some suggestions on how you can help: * If you notice a friend is in an abusive relationship, don't ignore signs of abuse. Talk to your friend. * Express your concerns. Tell your friend you're worried. Support, don't judge. * Point out your friend's strengths--many people in abusive relationships are no longer capable of seeing their own abilities and gifts. * Encourage them to confide in a trusted adult. Talk to a trusted adult if you believe the situation is getting worse. Offer to go with them for help. * Never put yourself in a dangerous situation with the victim's partner. Don't be a mediator. * Call the police if you witness an assault. Tell an adult--a school principle, parent, guidance counselor. * Start a peer education program on teen dating violence. * Ask your school library to purchase books about living without violence and the cycle of domestic violence. * Create bulletin boards in the school cafeteria or classroom to raise awareness. |
