Celebrity Deathmatch
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Announcer one: "Good evening and welcome I'm Johnny Gilmore."
Second guys cutting in:-
Announcer two: "And I'm Nick Diamond and this is CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH."
Johnny Gilmore: "After millions of letters from viewers..."
Nick Diamond: "We thought what the hell - let's have Backstreet Boys and
N'Sync duke it out once and for all!!"
Stone Cold Steve Austin coming and sits with Johnny Gilmore and Nick
Diamond.
Nick Diamond and Johnny Gilmore: "Welcome Stone Cold."
Stone: "I'm just here to watch those pansy called boy bands tear themselves
apart."
Nick: "Well let's bring them all out."
Referee: "In the left corner... You know them from that masturbation video
Quit Playin' Games....BACKSTREET BOYS!"
Crazed fan #1: "Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick!"
Nick Carter: "Thank you! I know you're all here to see me 'cause I'm so darn
hot with my blonde...."
AJ comes and slaps Nick in the face.
AJ: "They like me you fag. I'm the one with the good hair."
Nick: (starts whimpering) "Don't hurt me AJ, I love you."
Stone Cold: "Shut up you bastards! I wanna see a fight!"
Referee: "and in the right corner...you know them as the boys that ripped off
the Backstreet Boys... 'N Sync!!!"
N'Sync: "Cause we want to kick some ass! (in tune with I Want You Back)"
Referee: "I wanna see a fair clean fight...GET IT ON!!!"
Justin starts coming on to Nick.
Nick: "Leave me alone!!!!! Brian help!!! Help!!!!!!"
Justin: "I just want your glasses so I can be just like you Nick!!"
Brian comes and uppercuts Justin in the face.
Nick: "Thank you Frick-baby."
Brian: "Not in public."
AJ starts pulling Chris by his dreadlocks.
AJ: "Why you gotta be like me? Did Donna set you up to this? Out of all the
N'Sync to copy off me, why they pick the ugliest?"
Howie starts yanking JC's hair out of his head.
JC: "You're tearin up my hair, cause you hate me. And when you yank it out I
feel it too." (in tune to Tearin' Up My Heart)
Howie: "I hate that fucking song."
Kevin starts talking to Lance.
Kevin: "Me and you should join forces and start our own group....I mean they
never let us sing give us small parts to sing..."
Lance: "Yeah I just pretend to look good even though I look albino and no
one can tell the difference!"
Joey starts pounding Brian.
Joey: "Take that you Gospel boy!! No one cares about your damn choir you
were in!"
Nick jumps on Joey.
Nick: "Leave my.... leave Brian alone you fat ass!"
Kevin walks over to Joey and taps him on the shoulder.
Joey: "What you bullshit boy?"
Kevin: "He's... my.. cousin... I've.. known him all my life ...he's ...my...
cousin."
Everyone stops to look at Kevin and look at him funny....then they go back to
their pounding.
Justin: "Nick, I love you man!!! Did you know me and you sing leads?? Or
that we were born on the same month??? We're two days apart!!! Even
though I'm a year younger."
Nick clubbers Justin's nose.
Nick: "There now your nose is even bigger than before."
Lance starts prancing around the ring.
Lance: "I love to prance... my name is Lance ...I am a hick ...Me and Kev
got no dick.."
Kevin runs over and slams down on Lance.
Lance: "Hey I thought we are loser buddies."
Kevin: "So maybe my buldge in QPG's video was so big. Why you gotta go say I
got no dick?"
Two balled up socks fall from Kevin's pants.
Kevin's eyes dart left to right.
Kevin: "Hey... where... did... those... two.... socks ...come ..from?"
JC: "Hey everyone look at Howie's chiapet hair."
JC points to Howie's Jeri curls and the audience laughs.
Howie: "Hey everyone what does JC stand for....JUST CRAP??"
The audience starts booing.
Crazed fan #2: "HOWIE SUCKS!! WE WANT NICK NICK NICK!!!"
Just then 98 Degrees and Five enters the ring.
Backstreet Boys: "Who the hell are you guys??"
N'Sync: "Yeah we're suppose to be the copiers of BSB! NO FAIR!!"
Five: "We're five...we ugly British Spice Girls wannabes. But we had a
sex change to men...cause Boybands are ruling!
98 Degrees: "We're just some guys .... we have one good song.... we don't
know why were here.... one of us is cute... and the others are
just there."
Crazed mob of fans: "Hey look! New boybands!! They're pretty hot... Let's
get them!"
A hundred girls run into the ring and tear apart 98 Degrees and Five.
Crazed fan#1: "I got his hand!!!! I am gonna sleep with it forever!!!!"
Crazedfan #2: "I got someone's ear!!!!"
The mob franticallly grab all the body parts they can and run back to their
seats.
AJ: "Well that was so dope that it was wack and trippy at da same time."
Joey: "Hey! I'm the guy that's suppose to be tough!"
Joey rips AJ's hoops out of his ears.
AJ: "That's reserved for the European fans you ASS!"
AJ pounces on Joey and beats the crap out of him. Chris quickly superglues
his dreadlock on to his head. Aaron Carter now enters the ring.
AC: "Hey everybody - JUST SHAKE IT!"
Nick looks at him in disbelief.
Nick: "You little shit! You're trying to steal the spotlight from me!!"
AC: "Mom always loved me best... and in 7 years I'll be hotter looking than
you!!"
Nick: "No mommie!!!"
The audience starts doing the 'Shake It' dance.
Nick lifts Aaron up and starts swing him by the hair and throws him into
the side of the audience marked "Euro Fans Only."
Aaron: "NIcky!! Noooooo!!"
Euro fans begin shreading Aaron to pieces. Hanson runs into the ring.
Taylor: "We're here to reclaim our best teenybopper band group title!!"
Ike: "Yeah...what the cute one said!!
Zac: "I look like the olsen twins!!
Brian: "No we have to stay number one!!"
Brian lunges for Taylor and starts yanking at his hair.
Ike: "Not the hair!!! Without the long blonde locks we're nothing!!"
Zac: "Hey keebler elf over here!!"
Brian lunges for Zac. Justin all bruised and bloody gets back up and walks over to
Nick.
Justin: "You know I'd never dye my hair blonde like yours!!"
Nick's last blow to the head, made Justin's head fly over to the audience.
Justin's head plops down in some girls lap.
Justin's head: "God must have spent a little more time on you!!!"
N'sync hater# 1: "Eww... N'Stink!"
She takes the head and squishes it with her foot. Stone Cold with fury runs
up to the stage. Stone Cold takes out all the N'Sync pounding them all out
to their deaths. Stone Colds looks at Hanson, funny.
Stone: "Who the hell are you faggots?"
Taylor: "We're Hanson...our last album sucked so we've been shunned from MTV
until now to reclaim our popularity."
Zac: "Yeah! and I look like the Olsen twins!"
Ike: "I just play the guitar."
Stone: "I'm gonna kill you three... 'CAUSE STONE COLD SAYS SO!!"
Stone cold grabs the Hanson and throws them in to the Euro audience. The Euro
fans tear them apart.
Refreee: "That's the fight...the winners BACKSTREET BOYS!!"
Little did the refree know that BSB were fighting among themselves....
AJ: "Why don't you ever show your stomach!!!! Or does mommie not let you!!"
Nick: "Leave me alone! I just dont wanna!"
Howie: "Why you talk so slow Kev you stupid or something???"
Kevin: "No.............................I'm not!"
Brians little chicahua runs onstage.
AJ drop kickes the chicahua into the Euro audience. The Chicahua gets torn
apart.
AJ: "I hated that little shitball!!!"
Brian: "Noooooo!!!!! Tykeeeee.........."
Brian lunges for AJ and grabbed his sunglasses off his eyes.
AJ: "Noooooo I'm melting ....melting....."
AJ melts into a puddle of goo. Howie comes and pulls at Nick's hair.
Howie: "If I can't have good hair, no one can!!"
NIck: "Noooooo!!!!"
Howie pulled out what happened to be a wig. All the Nick fans faint.
Howie: "So that's how you got it so good!!"
Nick starts sobbing and runs off stage.
Brian: "I'm coming sugar!"
Brian runs after Nick. The crazed Nick fans wake up and ran after Howie.
Crazed fan #1: "Howie's hot now guys!!!! Nick sucks!!"
Howie: "Yes! finally some love!!!"
The fans chase Howie off the stage. Kevin remains standing there. He walks
over to the camera and looks into it.
Kevin: "Hey look! I've got my own show!"
Nick Diamond: "Well that's all the time we have left...GOOD FIGHT!"
Johnny: "And GOOD NITE!"
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