" Ok, now what happened Denise?" Brian said.
" I'm pregnant Brian."
" Oh my God. And let me guess, Nick freaked out about it?" " Yes, he asked me if it was his. I couldn't believe he said that. I'm so scared Brian."
" Shh....you'll be alright. Just give it some time."
" What if I have to raise this baby by myself? I don't know what to do anymore, Brian."
" Hang in there, just lay down and rest a while."
" Thank you so much Brian for letting me stay here. It really means a lot to me."
" Hey, what are friends for?"
" If you see Nick later, give this to him." I said, taking my engagment ring off and handing it to Brian.
" Ok. Just get some rest."
~ 1 hour later~
I was so used to waking up to a soft kiss on my lips, but this time I woke up to the sound of Brian, and what seemed to me AJ laughing.
" AJ be quiet, Denise is trying to get some sleep." Brian said.
" It's ok, I'm already awake."
" Sorry about that."
" Hey Denise, Brian told me everything. I'm so sorry. If you ever need anything let me know and I'll be happy to provide you with it, or if you just need someone to talk to, I'll be here." AJ said.
" Thanks." I said giving AJ a hug.
" I made a bed up it you want use it later. It's the third bedroom on the left."
" Thanks Brian."
" No problem. Can I get you anything?"
" No, I'm fine."
" Are you sure?"
" Yeah."
" Ok, would you like to listen to the radio or anything?"
" Yeah that would be ok."
As Brian and AJ sat there playing video games, it brought back the times that me and Nick used to sit around and play video games all day long. How come everything has to happen to me? There has to be a reason to why God is putting both me and Nick through this. There's always a reason.
I tried my best to act like there was nothing wrong, the look on my face tells it all. Each time AJ or Brian would look over at me, I would give them a smile to let them know that I'm doing alright, and for them to continue their game. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, the radio starts to play our song. As soon as the song came on, both Brian and AJ glance at each then at me. They knew it was our song, Nick made them hear it all the time. When the looked at me, all I could do is cry. I got up from the couch and ran upstairs and to the room that Brian prepared for me. Each tear that I cried made me hunger more for Nick. How come things can't be like they used to be? Our life together was so great, almost too good to be true. Everyone thought we would be together forever. I'm not so sure about that now. Everyone knew about us, even the media.
We were known as the perfect couple. But, in life nothing is ever perfect, not even what me and had.
" Denise you are alright?" AJ said, rubbing my back.
" I miss him so much AJ."
" I know you do, and if Nick decides that he doesn't want any part of this, I know this may sound crazy even at a time like this, but I would willing to be there for you and the baby if he isn't."
" AJ thats very sweet, but I don't want to bring you into my problems."
" I know, but I want to do this for you. It's not right what Nick did. And if this baby doesn't have father figure to look up to, I'd like to be the one it's looks up to for a father."
" AJ it's really sweet what you want to do. It really means a lot to me."
" Remember the first time we meet?"
" Yes. Those were the days."
" When I first saw you on the beach, I was going hit on you. But Nick stopped me and told me that you were already taken."
" Really?"
" Yes, I've always thought you were beautiful, even when you don't have your make-up on."
" Thats sweet of you to say. Thank you so much for you kindness AJ."
" No problem sweetie."
Hearing AJ say that to me, brings back memories when Nick used to call me that. Well things ever be the same between us?
" Sorry to interupt, but Denise, Nick's on the phone."
" Brian, not now. It's not that I'm trying to put him through hell or anything-"
" Denise please, he needs you right now. Just talk to him, it doesn' t have to be a long conversation, please."
" Alright."
" Thank you." he said, handing me the phone.
" Hello? ( I miss you so bad baby) I miss you too Nick, but we both need this. We need time to think. And you need to decide whether or not you want anything to do with me or the baby ( I want you Denise) You just can't have me Nick, and you know that. I'm not doing this to be mean, I'm doing this because I love you and I want what's best for you. ( And you think for us being apart is what's best for me? I don't think it is. What I think think is best for me is to have in my arms.) I know you think us being apart isn't a good idea, but it's the best. I miss you holding me in your arms. ( if you miss it, come back to me) I can't Nick. Look Nick I don't want to talk about this anymore, I can't handle this anymore. I love you, bye. ( When will I get to talk to you again?) I don't know Nick. I have to go, be strong. You can do it, I know you can. Bye."
After hanging up the phone, I bursted into tears. Putting Nick through hell is not what I'm trying to do. If I am, I hope he forgives me doing that to him.
~3 months later~
Nothing has changed since the last time I've spoken to Nick. Which was about 3 months ago. He calls here everyday to see how I'm doing. Brian fills him in on how I'm doing. Although he hasn't made a descion whether or not he wants any part of this. AJ has been the one to go with me to my doctors appointments. Tomorrow we'll find out what the sex of the baby is. I don't care what it is, but AJ is very excited to know what it is. Everyday has been the same as the first day I left Nick. I end up crying myself to sleep at night. I miss him so much. Just thinking about all the good times we had together, brings tears to my eyes. Deep down inside, I still love him, nothing will ever change how I feel about him. I've given up all hope, that Nick will change his mind, and decide to be a part of this childs life.
" Hey Denise." AJ said, walking into my room.
" Hey AJ."
" What's wrong?"
" Nothing just thinking, thats all."
" Do you want to talk about it?"
" No not really. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm thinking about."
" Yeah you got a point there."
" How is he doing?"
" He's doing a little better."
" Has he given you an answer to what he wants?"
" No, maybe Brian, but not me."
" I miss him so much AJ." I said crying.
" Hang in there, give him a couple more weeks, and if he still doesn't have an answer for you, then you know what you have to do. You'll have to get on with your life."
" I know, I'm just afraid of that."
" Don't worry about it, I'll be by your side always."
" Thanks AJ."
" So...how's the little fellow doing?"
" He's doing alright. Did I just call it a he?"
" Yes. I'm kinda hoping that it will be a boy."
" Why?"
" That way I can teach him how to play basketball, play video games, and the most important thing, how to pick up girls. I want him to have a nice girl, like his mother."
When AJ said, teach him how to play basketball, and play video games, it automaticly made me think of Nick. Nick loves playing both, basketball and video games.
" Did I say something wrong?" AJ said.
" No, it's just that Nick loves to do those things. Brings back good memories."
" I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that."
" It's ok, don't worry about it."
" Ok, how about we go out and get some ice cream or something?"
" Ok that sounds nice. I need to get out of here."
" Sounds good, I'll be waiting for you out front."
" Ok, I'll be out there in a little while"
~ At the ice cream parlor~
" So have you thought of any names yet?" AJ said.
" If it is a girl, I would like to name her Tatum Michelle, as for a boy, my dream was to always name him after his father."
" You can always name him after me." AJ said, trying to make me laugh.
" Very funny AJ."
" You know what?" he said.
" What?"
" You still look beautiful."
" No I don't. I look fat."
" Thats because your pregnant silly."
" I know, but I sure don't feel beautiful."
" In my eyes you are."
" Thank you."
Is it me, or is AJ flirting with me? No he can't be. What could he posible see in me? I'm just a pregnant girl who talks about how sad she, and how much she misses the father of her child. There's no way AJ could posible have feelings for me. Right?
" How's your ice cream?"
" It's great. What about your's?"
" It was alright. If you need any help eating your's just let me know and I'll be more than happy to help you."
"Here you can have the rest of it, I don't want it anymore, I'm stuffed."
" Thanks."
~ next day~
Today is the day I find out what the sex of the baby is. I'm not all that excited about it. I was really suprised that Nick didn't call yesturday. Maybe he's decided to move on with his life, if he does I'll still hold a special place in my heart for him. What am I suppose to tell this baby once he's old enough to ask who his father is?
" Denise you ready to go?" AJ said walking into my room.
" Yeah."
" Ok lets go." he said helping me out of bed.
~ at the doctors office~
" Would you like me to tape the ultra sound for you?" said the doctor.
" Sure."
" Ok. So you hear today to find out the sex of the baby right?"
" Yes sir."
" Ok, lets see what have here."
As the doctor began looking for the baby's sex, I didn't even bother to look at the monitor. I just laid my head back on the bed and closed my eyes and remembered the good time both me and Nick had together before all this happened. If it wasn't for this baby, me and Nick would still be together this very day, and happier than ever.
" It's a boy!" AJ said.
" Great."
" Are you alright miss?" said the doctor.
" I'll be fine."
" Ok, here's your baby's first video, and photo of the baby."
" Thanks, but I didn't ask for a photo."
" I know, maybe you can give this to the father."
" Thank you very much."
" No problem."
~ in the parking lot~
" AJ?"
" Yeah?"
" What if this baby turns out to look like Nick?"
" If it does, I'll try my best to make you see past that. I can only imagine the hell your going through right now, if only there was something I could do to bring happiness to your life I would do it."
" I know you would AJ, I'm thankful to have such a good friend like you."
" I try my best to be as good of a friend to you as I can possibly be, now lets get you home, you need some rest."
" Ok.''
~ 2 hours later~
Dear Nick,
I know how much you miss me, and wish that things could be back they way they used to be. I wish for that too. I miss just be able to touch you and hear the sweet sound of your voice. But we both know that it can't be like that ever again. I don't regret what we had, I will always have a special place in my heart for you, even if you do decide not to be a part of this. I understand that at this time your not ready to be a father, and that you wanted to hold back on having kids for couple of years because of your career. I didn't mean to ruin what we had together. If I could take it back I would. I was really looking forward to Feb. 14, valentines days, our wedding day, where I would become your wife. But in my eyes, I don't see how that could ever be. Maybe it's better for the both of us if we just move on with our lives, and try to forget everything. I'm tried Nick. Tried of waiting for an answer from you. I don't know how much longer I can wait anymore. What ever you decide I will understand I've always understood you. I just wish you would have understood me. I'm enclosing a picture of our baby that was taken earlier today, as well as the ultra sound. When you get done watching it, give it to Brian and he'll give it back to me. Just remember.....I will always love you, no matter what.
With loving care,
Denise
" I just heard the news, congratulations." Brian said comming into my room.
" Thanks."
" Can I get you any thing?"
" I was wondering if you could take this by Nick's house later?"
" Sure, no problem."
" How is he doing?"
" The same, he misses you to death."
" I miss him so much."
" Hang in there. I'm sure he'll come around sooner or later."
" I hope so."
" Let me go and give this to him, and I'll be right back, ok?"
" Ok, you can look at it if you want, just don't read the letter."
He took the picture out of the unsealed envelope and left the letter inside.
" So this is what the little fellow looks like?"
" Sorta."
" He's so cute."
" Thanks."
" Anyways, I better go deliver this to Nick before it gets too late."
" Ok, here take this too. But make sure he returns it back to me." I said handing him the video.
" Ok, no problem."
" Thank you Brian."
~ 1 hour later~
It's been an hour since Brian left, and he's still not back. Maybe he went out somewhere, who knows. It's about 6:00pm right now. I really don't feel like watching any T.V. I get tried of doing that. The idea of listening to the radio crosses my mind every now and then, but I never have the courage to go and turn it on, because I'm afraid that they'll play our song. What better idea is to write in my journal. It helps me to express my feeling that I'm having, and what's going through my mind. No matter what I do, while writing in my journal, a tear some how glides down my cheek. Usually when that happens, my writing stops, and I begin to cry.
Dear Journal,
Hey it's me again. I just found out today that the child I'm carring inside of me is a boy. It doesn't really excite me all that much. If fact not at all. What fun is being pregent when there's father lined up for this child? I hear how mother hood is suppose to be the greatest thing in the world. I don't see what's so good about it. It ruined my life. There's no way that my life will ever be the same. No matter how hard I try, it still won't get back to normal. That's just something that I'm going to have to face for the rest of my life. Just when I thought I found the perfect man in the world, something like this has to happen. Although I have learned something from all of this, and that is nothing is ever perfect. Nothing will ever turn out perfect no matter how much you want it to be, it won't. I guess back then, I thought what could possibly go wrong between me and Nick?
I closed my journal shut and placed it back in my night stand where it belonged. When can I ever get a day off from thinking about Nick? It'll probably be a couple of years till I ever get over Nick. What we had will never be forgotten.
