Spike Up Your Life By Pandora North Star "Why in hell did I agree to this arrangement?" Xander grumbled watching Spike who was sitting in the chair sucking on a bag of blood. "Because you are a poor loser. My reason was a drunken stupor. Take your pick." Spike retorted. "This apartment is almost worse than the basement." "Why? Because you have to bonk in the room next to me rather than the room downstairs." "At least I get some!" Xander fumed. It was an old argument. They had it every day. "So do you wanna hang out tonight?" "And do what?" "Well Anya is out of town. I got tickets to Britney Spears. Spice Girls are opening for her." "Britney Spears? That little human slut? No thank you." Spike shuddered. "What if I told you the Spice Girls might be on the edible list." "Now you are talking. I've always liked the way Brits taste. So why do you have tickets in the first place?" "I'm 19. It's Britney Spears." "Of course. What was I thinking." Spike rolled him eyes. "Why did you let Anya put yellow velvet drapes up? The least you could have done was left them black." "Take that up with her." "People will mistake us for a gay couple." Spike grinned. "I'm on it." "So where are the seats?" "Pretty good. Like 10th row. Another ice cream guy gave em to me. His girlfriend didn't want him seeing Britney Spears." "And that's why you haven't told Anya?" "Exactly." "Stakes! Incoming!" Spike gasped and jumped. A swiftly thrown stake landed in his chair. "That was not funny at all Slayer!" "Buffy don't kill my roommate. I can't afford this apartment without him." "Just keeping him on his toes." "Can't you knock?" Spike growled. "He doesn't." Buffy shrugged. "Are you patrolling with me tonight? There's a big bad ugly in town." "Wish I could but I'm busy. I'm seeing Britney Spears." "Ok. Ew, Giles, Will, Riley and I can handle it. Unless Fluffers wants to come?" "Did you just call me Fluffers?" Spike vamped and ran towards Buffy. He screamed in pain and fell back when he came near her. "Guess I did. I mean you're neutered like a little doggie so you're all fluffy and not scary anymore so it's perfect. Except your not very cute." "Fluffy and Buffy. Mortal enemies. That makes for a cool comic book title." Xander laughed to himself as the 2 faced off. "I'm busy tonight so if I wanted to come I couldn't. To bad." "Don't tell me you are going to that statement of unfeminism?" "Yup." Spike smiled smugly. It gave him a happy to see her mad. "Later." Buffy made a face and left the apartment. "So you think the Spice Girls are edible? Aye?" Spike brought up the previous discussion. "Yeah I mean they are naughty and manipulative. And they have babies before they are married. And they sing terribly, I think that qualifies as evil. Plus the bad dye jobs." "The blond one seems kind of tasty." Spike admitted. "Together we can rid the world of the Spice Girls." Xander cheered. "And leave only the Britney Spears'!" Later on they got ready for the concert which entailed brushing their hair and putting on Britney Spears t-shirts. "I feel kind of silly. You sure this looks alright?" Spike asked suspiciously. "It's not at all creepy that a 130 year old vampire with a taste for Spice Girls is wearing a Britney Spears shirt." "Ah. Who asked you?" Spike grumbled and tightened his leather duster over the t-shirt. "Let's go." Xander held up the tickets and dragged Spike outside to where the sun was setting. They hopped into the ice cream truck and way they sped to the music of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. "So how am I gonna get one of them Spice Girls?" "I don't know. Just don't mess up my chances of Britney seeing me and falling madly in love with me." "Well since there in no chance for that I think I'll do what I like." They arrived at the Sunnydale Centrum a little while before their show and found their seats amide perverted old men and excited little girls. "I wonder if we'll be able to see up their skirts?" Xander mused to himself sitting up and glancing forward to the other 9 rows in front of him. "You are so horny. Get away from me you bloody sod." Spike wiggled away from Xander and tried to worm his way up to the front of the seats. The show began right after and he was lost in the dark. Xander watched the Spice Girls bored as they sang their infamous song. "Spice Up Your Life." He counted only one with a large tummy which meant they were slowing down. Then all of a sudden he heard a growl. "Oh god. Please not now." Xander grimaced and jumped up on his seat. Panic was ensuing on the stage where Spike was chasing a scantily clad blond girl in platforms. He had managed to grab her when she kicked him swiftly. He vamped and the stadium went into an uproar. Out of the corner of his eye Xander caught a choppy, shaggy blond peeking out behind stage. He took advantage of the chaos Spike was making to slither through the shadows. "Ms Spears. I've come to save you from danger. "He announced to her. She laughed in his face. "You are so silly. That guy has a scary mask on." "No he doesn't. Now come with me." Xander pulled her through a crowd of people and out back behind the theater. "I want her!" He whirled to see a vampire advancing on them. It looked vaguely like one of his high school chums. "I'll handle this." Xander told Britney. He whipped a stake from his pocket and stabbed the vampire. He kept it on hand ever since he move din with Spike. "You are mah' hero. How can I repay your kindness?" Britney bawled in her suppressed southern accent. "No need little lady." She kissed him on the cheek. "Oh my god. Britney Spears just kissed me!" Xander squealed. "Quick. We gotta haul arse!" Spike bolted towards Xander knocking Britney down into a convenient mud puddle. A few stray blond hairs were clingung to his lips. "I was this close to scoring!" Xander wailed as Spike carried him off. The next morning Spike proudly showed the newspaper to Xander. "Lookie here. Your pal Spike made the front page." "Yes." Xander said leaning closer. "Weird guy in ugly costume tries to bite Spice Girl Baby Spice while Britney Spears escapes with a geeky mystery man. Story and pictures on page 11." Xander paused. "I'm not geeky. Did you even read this?" "Look on the bright side. At least they didn't call your attire ugly." Spike pouted. ,/p>"Oh well. That was an interesting experience."
