The Sleepover II By PNS* Rating PG-13 Summary: Set S5. B/S have a wild night they don't remember and there are some wacky results. **Weirdness from the mind of PNS* Buffy opened her eyes. the throbbing of her temples heightened and she wanted to pull the covers over her face. Even in the dim room the light hurt her snsitive eyes. "Hot night Slayer?" Buffy jerked the covers down and looked for Spike. Her arm was pinned down and when she resistered that there was a handcuff on it linked to an invisible Vampire she screamed. "What the hell?" "You were great." It was unerving to hear him and not see him but her mind surpassed the fact he was invisible to the more dire fact. "Why are we handcuffed? And I wouldn't let you touch me if you were the last man on earth." Spike grinned to himself when she said it. MAN. "Where are the keys?" she yanked his arm until he yelped. "How should I know? You think I like this? I can't see myself in a mirror normally, now I can't see myself at all!" "Shut up. I'm thinking." Buffy opened her eyes again but her head hurt. It was frightening to not remember a single thing that happened. "We got drunk didn't we?" "Surpressing are we? You were drunk as hell. Me, I was an innocent bystander of a shitfaced Slayer. Willow handcuffed us because we were fighting to much. She figured I couldn't hurt you and I would look after you. Had to drag you around." Buffy grimaced at the thought. "I must have ruined Xander's party." "No. Actually he thought it was amusing. Kind of why we ended up in here." She could just picture the look on his face. "You're a pig. Where are the keys?" "How should I know." Her arm was yanked and she could feel him crossing his arms. "I hate you." she reached over with her free arm and punched him, somewhere near his face. she heard him roar and found that a certain spot on her chest was pinched. "I can't believe you did that." Buffy twisted the sheet around her and pulled her tank top down. she was still wearing the same outfit as the night before and she reeked of beer. She wondered briefly about Spike. "God you aren't naked are you?" "Why don't you find out?" "Oh my god. Where's Dawn?" Buffy jumped out of bed and dragged spike outside the guest bedroom. he screamed as he was pulled through a patch of light. "Hey Buff. Want some donuts?" "Where's Dawn Xander?" "She's with Willow. What a party eh?" He smiled. "No! How do I fix this? I'm gonna kill Willow." "Don't be so touchy. You actually looked like you were having fun for once." "Hello! Beer bad!" she pointed to Spike, or where she thought he was. "Oh yeah. Kind of forgot he's there." "Which is exactly how I got in this position." "How?" Buffy looked down. she could feel spike stand up. "I said I was invisible as you pushed me into a crate of magic herbs and it happened. By the way, how much longer am I stuck like this?" "Yeah. And this." Buffy waved her handcuffed hand. "Anya, wanna field this one. Since their yours and all." "For awhile." Anya winced. Willow enhanced them so you wouldn't break them until we wanted you to, then she lost the key and you need the key to unlock them." Buffy let out a primal scream and dropped to the floor. They heard Spike thump behind her as she started scanning the floor. "I know this isn't what you want to hear but maybe you should go home, with Spike. We'll find them. You still look kind of sick." "No way. We are stopping this now." "Doesn't my opinion count? I'm 50% of the prisoned! I don't like it much better." "No." They chorused. "Go home Buffy. please. It could be worse. you could be handcuffed to a dead body or a monster. Or Adam. Or GLory." "Fine. How?" "My car's outside." "You idiot. you're left hand is on my right. We gonna drive it backwards?" "You drive." "I don't have my license." "Go!" Anya said. "It doesn't matter. My car's not insured. Just drive will ya?" The keys appeared out of nowhere and Buffy caught them with her free hand. "Give me a blanket." "will you burn?" "Hello. Burning as I was yanked out of the hallway. Bloody Americans." "Ok. Find the key." Buffy pulled Spike who grabbed a blanket as they left the lingroom and went outside. "I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. cover the handcuffs." "Well duh. My hand will burn. It's all your fault for getting drunk." They got to the car and paused. "Get in the drivers side." Spike got in and they inched inside jerking each other back and forth. upstairs Xander and Anya watched with bemused expressions from the window. "They had no idea they were set up." "They have to learn to work together." "This should be interesting." "Look out!" The car bumped over a curb on the right hand side. "Sorry. I can't see because the windshield's black and you try driving with one hand." "It's only across town you inept tool." "What did you call me?" "Nothing." They actually made it to the house and Spike dragged Buffy inside and curled up in a dark corner. She fell on top of his invisible form and silently fumed. "You smell like vomit." Spike said at last. "I do not." buffy retorted, even though she knew she probably did. "Take a shower would you?" "Nice try. You're a disgusting pig." "You don't have to take your soddin clothes off. Just get wet and clean." "I don't complain about your bloody, musty dirt smell. Besides it's not like you have to breath." "We'll both shower. You happy now?" Buffy sniffed the air, keenly aware she could only smell him and not herself. She had to give in. It was driving her crazy. "Fine. You touch so much as one button while we're in there I'll light you on fire so fast..." "Yeah yeah. Keep your blooody bloomers on." They went upstairs. Buffy turned the shower on and spike waited outside the range of the spray. "Is it ready yet? Let's get this over with." "Oh yeah. Sure you want it over with. I thought you loved me?" He gave her a glare she couldn't see and fumed. He was glad she couldn't see his blushing face. "Spike?" She looked hard towards him, seeing past him, through him. "Do your hair first. You got crap in it." He said. She picked up the bottle and wrestled with it, to open it with one hand. "Need help?" "From you? No thanks." She opened it and squeezed a dollop in her handcuffed hand. then when she tried to raise their arms Spike held his down. "Oh, I guess you do need my help love." "Fine. Let me use your hand." He let his muscles relax and she tugged his hand up, but even then it was a slppy job and the soap stung her eyes. She refused to let him know. "My arms getting tired. All the blood's draining from it. Could you hurry up?" "You don't have circulation numskull." "Then let me help." She didn't respond and he turned his hands to her. She wanted to moan as he gently massaged her scalp. He was pretty good. "Rinse." When her hair was done she turned to find her loofah. It was strange to see the water cascading off Spike, leaving a silouette of nothing. She noticed how the water hissed and sizzled as it hit his body. She found the soap and loofah but was reminded of problems as her wet clothing clutched her body. It was heavy and annoying. "Look, I can't wash myself with my clothes on. I'm gonan take them off. Don't get like all weird, ok? Cos I'll still have my underwear on." "Don't worry. I'm alreay in mine." "What?!!" "You don't think I wear that coat and jeans to bed do you?" "No. But eww. And how did you get your coat off? I mean sort of can't lift our arms up to get clothing off. It will just get stuck." "Do you love that shirt?" "Sort of." "Oh well. You'll have to rip it or leave it haning on our arms." "Don't like it that much." Buffy amde a face and ripped the shirt. Then she yanked off her skirt, eager to be free of the wet plastic. Spike did the same and it was freaky to see the shirt slip into being and fall onto the floor. "So, um do you like have clothes on?" "My boxers." "Bad image." Buffy jerked away and felt Spike fall towards her. "Sorry." She wouldn't be able to get away that easy. "I'm using the soap. you can use it after me. But not my loofah." "It's girly soap. But I like your panties." Buffy looked down and grimaced. She was wearing a black lace thong. For some reason she had been inclined to wear it. And of course she had to go and get drunk and get handcuffed to Spike. She closed her eyes and gathered her calm. "Who'd you wear them for?" She could picture him making a dirty face, maybe licking his lips. "You're a pig and a half." She shook herself and started scrubbing with her free hand. "You might as well shave your legs." "Excuse me?" "You got prickly legs. They scratched me in bed." For a guy who says he loves me you sure have a lot of really rude comments." "Didn't say you didn't have annoying quirks I overlook." "Yeah? Well you are one big annoying quirk. There's nothing nice about you." She grabbed up the razor and yanked it up her leg. She yelped and bit her lip. "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "You cut yourself." She felt him bend down next to her. She could see the blood on her knee through his hazy form and couldn't stop him as she felt a warm tongue dart out and lick her knee. she clutched the wall as it ran up towards her thigh. "Enough." She snatched her knee away with a gasp. "That's gross I mean. Very gross. And not nice." He stood up and she bent to continue shaving. He picked up the soap from the ground and used it even though he had called it girly. "I'm getting hot." He said at last. "I thought you can't cos you don't have a blood temp?" "It's worse. We're like cold blooded animals. We feel cold and warm more than you do. you can adjust. We'd freeze and not know it. I can tell I'm getting hot. " "You're a big baby." Buffy stood and pressed a hand to him. Her hand landed on his supple and relaxed chest muscles that spasmed under her touch. He was right though, his skin was to warm. "Ok. We'll get out." She took a step and slid on the soap Spike had dropped. she pulled him down on top of her and he screamed as his arm was twisted backwards and got stuck to a handle of a tray that held various bathroom necessities. "Are you ok?" "Our hands are stuck. And it hurts." He wiggled trying to get unstuck. "Stop. I can see it through you. I think I can reach it with my other hand if you lean to the other side a bit more." He rolled slightly and she could feel him through her bra and skimpy underwear. His warm skin heated her own more and she was having trouble breathing. She could feel every muscle. the water rained down around then. she reached desperately with her free hand until she freed them. Spike dropped even further down as his hand was released. Their arms were squished around them in the cramped tub. "Hello. Get up?" "Right." But it wasn't as easy as that. whenever he got his balance she would pull him down again and thye could barely see and were to far from the handle to turn the shower off. Eventually they got up and fell out of the tub the other way. "You'd think we were bound all over. How inept are we?" Spike snickered. "We are pretty bad." Buffy agreed as they stood together, panting and dripping on the bathroom floor. "I'm so glad Dawn isn't here to see this." "What would she think, I wonder?" "Pig." "Where are the towels?" "Closet, in the hall." They made their way to the closet and Spike tossed Buffy a towel. They used their free hands and dried off. "So how we getting dressed? We can't sit around like this. I could put pants on but their at Xander's." "Riley left some." "I have to wear Backstreet Boy's pants? Oh fine...What about you?" "What about me?" "You can't get a shirt on. fine for me, but you'r just in your bra." "Tube top Spike. You're disgusting." She yanked him into her bedroom and to the closet. she tossed a pair of jeans on the floor and then pulled clothing out. She pulled him back across the room and got some fresh lingerie from her draw. "Come." She pulled him to the door. "This is how it works. I stay on this side and dress, you stay on the other. that way you won't see me and I won't see you." "What if I need help? One hand can't do buttons." "God eww. Fine." "You need help with your clothing Slayer? Maybe pulling up your bloomers?" She smacked him, which held a dealy accuracy. He reeled back as his jaw lit on fire. "Don't underestimate me Spike, even though you're invisible, you're still tied to me." She pushed hm around and left a little space for the handcuffs. She heard him rustle with clothing as she pulled on fresh, dry clothing. He came back around. "Buttons. unless you're gonan let me use my hand." She let her hand go limp as he buttoned his pants. At one point she felt something and jerked back. "Oh mmy goooddd! You're like naked~!" "Duh. My boxers were soaking Slayer. didn't think I would wear em did you? What's wrong with not having any on?" "EWWW! I like touched something." "Did it turn you on?" she couldn't believe the nightmare he was. All he could think about was her having sex with him. She stomped from the room to the stairs. He bumped behind trying to gain his footing. she could feel the metal digging into her wrist and could tell it was going to bleed if she didn't stop doing it but it was so infurating. "Stop! You're gonna kill us!" Spike warned as he finally fell, knocking them both down the stairs. they sprawled together at the bottom and didn't move. "Greeat. Just great." "Speak for yourself. I think I broke something." She felt the first real bit of concern for him. After all, it was her fault. "What?" "My arm. When we fell the one tied to you twisted and I heard a snap. I'm sure it will heal fine though." "Let me feel it." They sat up slowly and she reached out with her free hand. His arm was at an odd angle and it was repulsive to feel the bump. "It doesn't feel to bad...Sorry." "Pull it so the bone gets straightened." "What if I hurt you more?" "You couldn't possibly." She didn't think he meant to say that outloud, but he had. They both knew he wasn't talking physical pain, but he was so disgusting and so wrong...Not to mention evil. With hesitation she pulled and heard a pop and a sigh. "Now it will heal. Just don't move." They sat for awhile at the foot of the stairs. Buffy noticed how worn they were. "I should call Willow and Tara later and get Dawn back. She has to undo the spell. I wish Xander would call." "I'm sure they're looking like mad. They don't want you tied to me for long I bet. Cos that means seeing you means seeing me." "What did I do last night?" "what?" "What exactly did I do that made them tie you to me?" "As I told you, you were hammered. You did a little table dancing, a little confessing and you kissed me." She might have told him he was the last person on earth he would have sex with but she almost didn't put it past her drunken self to kiss him. "What did I confess?" "How much you hate being the Slayer and how you wished you'd dated Xander when you had the chance because you didn't know he was gonna turn into such a find. And you kissed me on a dare." "Dawn must have thought I was crazy.' "They took her home pretty early." "God, why didn I let myself get drunk. There's so much to worry about, dumb things like that could get us all killed." "Maybe it's cos there's so much to worry about. You can't protect the entire world 24/7 slayer. You'll go off your bird. You were just looking for a release." "And look at my punishment." "It's a crime really. To be handcuffed to a guy who's crazy for you and understands your soddin' work. And who can never harm you." She tought off Angel and Angelus and how he had hurt her and her friends. spike couldn't. Not really. "I didn't mean it like that. But you've put me through a lot over the years." "It's my job." she could picture him smiling. Typical Spike. "Why did I kiss you?" "I was there. You were drunk." "No. There was a reason. You don't want to tell me." "You were drunk. Saying dumb things." "What did I say Spike?" "I was safe. You could trust me. I couldn't hurt you. I was just a silly loving neutered vampire. So what? That's all I am? Then that's what I am. I don't have anything else." He sounded so sad. "I don't need your pity." "Wasn't gonna give you any. You don't deserve it." "I didn't take advantage of you. I deserve credit for that!" He snapped suddenly. It was a turn she wasn't counting on. She had figured and accepted that he did but wouldn't tell her. "You didn't?" "No. Course not. What's the fun in a conquebine?" She didn't like the word but he got his point across. In an act of crazy spontenaity. She reached over and pulled him close then kissed him. Suddenly the door burst open and they were smacked. Spike screamed as his arm was wrenched. "We found the key. Hey xander it worked!" "What worked?" Buffy drew back form Spike and looked up at the others. They heard a whimper as he nursed his hurting arm. "Guys?" "We sort of hid the key. in hopes you guys would get along. And you are, so hey it worked." Xander looked like he had been trapped in a cage with a hungry tiger. "I could kill you for that." "I was hoping you wouldn't." "Don't worry. I won't. After an eventful morning we found a connection. Let us go now?" "Sure." Xander bent down and unlocked the handucffs. "I thought they were enchanted." "Yeah, see that was a lie to make sure you didn't break out of them." Xander winced. "You're looking for a physical beating aren't you?" "Yeah. Glory's aren't enough." "I'm free. At last." Spike said. "If I ever get this chip out Harris, you'll be the first to know. Did you know the Slayer broke my soddin' arm?" "Not on purpose." "Xander, we might want to be far away. As in now." Anya ducked back out the door. Buffy and Spike stood up and tired to look at each other. "I said I was sorry." "Yeah. I know. Just wanted an excuse to scare him." "This is wrong." "Yeah well. That's my middle name." "Thought it was The?" They laughed at the private joke. "Now what?" "What do yuo mean? Come here. You got me all horny and you might as well finish the job." "Slayer... this is a side you I've never seen before." THE END!
