To Die in Fire The rain slammed down, pelting them. Soaking them to the bone until they were convulsing in shivers. He was begging her to stop. To turn around and wait for him. But she could run all night if she needed, if not for the slippery grass. She fell. He met her on her way down. They tumbled together, a messy wet pile. He felt like ice against her flesh. She tried to untwist and get away. She was pinned. She flashed him a frustrated look and shoved him. "Hold on a minute Slayer." He said plaintively. "Calm down." "No. I won't calm down. Get off me." They untangled and stood up. She wrung her hair out but it was still raining hard so it didn't make much difference. "Why can't you leave me alone? This, this thing between us is wrong. We both know it." "I think I told you that before. The night you were chained up in my crypt. Or have you suppressed that too? You've shut yourself off ya know that? A walking, insultin', killing machine is all you are now. Nothing more than a vampire." "Shut up. You have no idea what you're talking about." "I do. Takes one to know one and all that soddin' crap." Her eyes bored into his. The golden color flashing and changing. Twisting. He was losing himself in them. He dug his black fingernails into his palm until they bled. He had to be aware. "You miss me. I know you do." He stepped towards her. She aimed to punch him. "I miss you like I miss pneumonia which is what I'll get if we don't go inside." She rubbed her arms. They were covered in goosebumps. At least she wasn't going to deck him again. He pulled at his coat. "Ew Wet leather." "Suit yourself. At least it's warm." He shrugged pulling it closer around him. "Why am I standing here with you. God this is insane." She glared at him like he was holding her there. Wasn't doing anything of the sort. But she wanted to pretend he was. Didn't want to believe she was there of her own free will. That she had a reason to be there. "I know you miss the way we felt when you kissed me. And don't pretend you didn't. You leaned in and kissed me. I admit I felt something but hey I got nothing to lose. It may be wrong but it's all we have Buffy." She brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I may have kissed you. But you thought I was the robot. I only did it because-" "Like hell you did. You kissed me because for a moment maybe you felt something. Maybe you were so far gone and so far scared there was one little thing I could give you." "Maybe." she said stubbornly. Her teeth were beginning to chatter. "Then why can't I give it to you now? Tell me what it is. The moment we kissed I felt real for a moment. That I wasn't just an empty shell living as your minion. I felt close to you." "You can't give it to me because there isn't anything. There just isn't... I'm sorry Spike. Because you try to help and yes you've saved me. But there can never be anything between us. There just can't." "Because the only exception is Angel. You can never love me because I don't have a bloody soul. Makes perfect illogical sense. You'd rather love someone you can't have than someone who, despite everything loves you with every cell of his being." Spike was yelling. He didn't care. He had passed sane a couple dozen exits back. He was love's bitch wasn't he? It is when you have nothing to lose that you have the most to gain. "Yes. I suppose that's a way to put it. Just so you understand." "I don't. I can see it and say it but I don't in hell understand it." "I'm leaving. I'm so cold. Standing out here talking, it's a vicious circle. Nothing's going to change." She stepped past him. He stayed looking at the spot she had been. But she wasn't leaving. They were standing back tp back, like a face off. Time to turn and draw their guns. He turned as she turned. He bent to her and they locked lips, the rain washing over them. They kissed each other hard, with a desperate need to be close to each other. He was still like ice but she was warm, pumping warm blood. The rain steamed around them. They kissed, their hands roving until she drew back panting. "This can't happen Spike. It's wrong in every sense of the word." "Buffy we need each other. Please don't say anything. Just kiss me." Spike whimpered. "Because words just get in the way. Can't we just have this? This lust? You don't have to pretend to love me." "I can't. Let me go." He held onto her sagging, wet, shirt sleeve. She didn't try to pull away. Only pleaded. "It will kill us." "You've died in ice Slayer. Ready to die in fire?" He lifted her from her feet and kissed her again letting his face morph quickly and return. She was crying. "Don't stop. She growled pulling him close again. They continued kissing, consuming each other with fervent need. The wind whistled a lonely cry. It warned them. The path they were embarking on could only lead to pain but neither cared. Pain was all they understood.
