Up Until Now: The Life of the Empress

0-1 year of age

• Born on November 30, 1979
• Her mother thought that it might be best to name her "Millicent Mary"
• Mercifully, AMANDA's mother rethought such cruelty
• Emergency Hernia Repair
• Already Determined Beautiful and at SUCH a young age
• The beautiful brown-black locks were already starting to grow in.
• Baptized, got a really cool candle

1-2 years of age

• This year is something of a blur
• Filled with learning in the areas of "gurgle" and "random noises of some determined meaning"
• Enjoyed mushed bananas

2-3 years

• A boy (named Jack) toddled after her, but being the better toddler...the Empress toddled away from him and sources indicate he was quite distressed.
• As before stated...skilled in the area of toddlage.
• Experienced her first betrayal...her mother told her that sugar wasn't very good.

3-4 years

• Experienced chocolate for the first time and discovered the blasphemy her mother had spoken a year before.
• Was talking up a storm by this time. Most remembered comment..."We eat horse!"...to a random supermarket shopper as well as, "Oscar is in heaven."
• The Empress was fascinated with the fact that her grandfather, long dead, had the same name as everyone's favorite Grouch.
• Got a little brother somehow
• Wanted to marry the aforementioned little brother, but lost interest when he got fat (it happens)
• Moved from Madison, WI to St. Paul, MN
• Moved back

4-5 years

• Attended "Madison Central Montessori School" where she met the love of her young life, Seth.
• Had a penchant for hurting those weaker than herself
• Often poked baby, who was known, for quite some time, as "the chub" for his high percentage of baby fat
• Told Seth that she hated him and made him cry
• Later told him that he had misunderstood, guiding him on quite the emotional rollercoaster
• She would give him lovely gifts of dinosaur crap she had no interest in anyway.
• Seth's mom made him give her stuff back, but it was mostly cheap junk that she still has.
• The Empress's mother had a tradition of making a "birthday cake for Jesus" on Christmas. So she told the Empress that they were going to share half the cake with one of their neighbors, and that it was the Empress's job to tell them what it was. She made no specifications about WHERE to deliver this pleasant gift...so the Empress randomly chose their only Jewish neighbor.

5-6 years

• Spent the summer in Milwaukee
• Had many caterpillars that all made cocoons in a jar
• She had to leave them in the sun in order to meet the brand new little sister that appeared that summer.
• This baby was fat from the beginning, instead of getting fat later
• All the cocoons dried out in the sun
• Developed a strong hatred for mayo and this was the last year the revolting stuff was consumed
• The boy that summer was named Raymond
• They played robbers because cops were boring...and if one of them was the cop they couldn't very well go on their "get away bikes" together
• The Empress had a get away trike, though, because she didn't know how to ride a bike very well yet.
• Got a rainbow brite coloring book, but despised coloring
• was in a "just go over and see if they can play" neighborhood instead of a "call their parents" one
• Moved back to Madison again, where her mom made her a cake when she learned to ride her bike.
• Asked Jesus into her heart by a green couch

6-7 years

• The Empress, again, moved to Minnesota--St. Paul, to be precise (same house as before, the people that bought it gave it back or something)
• She tried her hand a violin, but determined that playtime with next door neighbors was much more important than 'Mississippi Stop Stop'
• Chased ice cream trucks but didn't have enough pennies to buy anything and the driver didn't accept English Currency
• Attended the horrible school of Chelsea Heights Elementary
• Moved, again, to a suburb of St. Paul--Arden Hills, MN
• Her father made this really bizarre video about their move, calling them the "Bear Family" like some hideous Berenstein Bears book. It was truly repulsive.
• Forced to share a bedroom with younger sister, who had lost baby fat but slept like a frog
• Jack made a reappearance and this time the Empress didn't toddle away. Instead, they kissed several times while hiding out in the bathroom. The Empress did not appreciate all of their parents coming to look for them.
• Began to attend Valentine Hills, which was significantly better than Chelsea Heights, though not a great deal more interesting.
• The whole of second grade pretty much sucked
• Had an absolutely awful haircut at Great Clips and never went back.
• Wanted to be called Mandy, but didn't answer to it. She began to hate the with a passion when people refused to stop calling her by it.
• The Empress was one of the "disruptive" children and often had her name on the board with a check or two
• The teacher also developed the "clothes pin" idea...in which instead of writing names on the board every child had a clothes pin on a piece of cardboard with a smiley face on it. When they were "bad" the first time...they flipped over their clothes pin. When they were "bad" the SECOND time...they moved the pin to the OTHER SIDE OF THE CARDBOARD. What the Empress rapidly figured out, however, was that the teacher really did not pay attention to who was bad during each day...indeed, it is very likely that for a second grade teacher...days ran together. So upon hearing the command to "flip her pin"...she would merely flip the already turned pin back to the smiley face...no need to get in trouble if one does not have to...

At this time the focus will turn to grade level, rather than age

3rd grade

• The Empress liked her teacher
• Began to hate the formerly loved color "purple"
• Began to love horses--it was a significant obsession
• Read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
• Was in the Smart Math Class
• Promised that if she got a full scholarship to college...her daddy would give her a horse. This did not have the academic effect pops was hoping for.
• Started to like animals.
• Wanted a pet.
• Did not have many friends.
• Was in 'Brownies' which was stupid to the point of mind numming and the Empress quit

4th grade

• Became "best friends" with Lori, a super quiet girl that was at the mercy of the Empress's every whim.
• Loved Horses all the more.
• Became friends with Lauren, another horse freak.
• Started writing a book that contained a great number of horses...Lauren was the illustrator.
• Read the rest of the Chronicles of Narnia, the best children's series ever...by C.S. Lewis
• Absolutely obsessed with Narnia and wanted to go there and be Queen.
• Would read a Narnia book every day in class until the teacher would catch her...at which point the teacher would take away the book. Then the Empress would reach into her desk and pull out her second copy of the book...convienently stashed for just such an occasion. Often, she was much more careful the second time around...for she didn't ALWAYS have THREE copies with her...often, however, she did. The teacher would always give her back her books at the end of the day after a slight scold...and the whole process would begin again the next morning.
• Feared that there was nothing left to read when she finished the Chronicles of Narnia
• Did not pay attention in reading class--she was reading. It is funny that teachers were mad about this.

5th grade

• Favorite year of school
• Still obsessed with Narnia and found others to join in the quest
• Was the "Captain" of the "Amazons" who fought with the "Anamalians" over "the Fort"...contested ground. Most of the Anamalians lived nowhere near it and the Empress was just down the road.
• Watched two head Anamalians fall into the "Amazon River" and proceeded to laugh for a good 10 minutes as their clothes began to ice over.
• Part of a Horse Club with Lauren and a couple other people, but quit because she did not wish to pay "dues"
• Formed an Animal Club with Lori and some other people with "no paying dues" as their rallying cry. The Empress was, of course, the speechmaker and visionary behind the group. The masses were awed.
• The Animal Club was later disbanded due to lack of funds.
• Made friends with Jenny...a fickle friend in the best of times, but fun for sleep overs.
• Liked to get the reds and the yellows in Monopoly
• Enjoyed school for the first time because of an interesting teacher who made history a cool story...and read the children even cooler ones.
• Got a teddy bear hamster named Honey for her birthday
• Got a little brother two days after her birthday, he was late
• Honey got away and crawled into the cool air duct next to the furnace where he starved to death, which made the Empress cry (the little brother stayed around)
• Had several Siamese Fighting Fish...none of which had a hugely long life span. They were beautiful, though.
• The leader of the Anamalians had four such fish, all named after characters in Les Miserables...so the Empress knocked down the plastic barracks between them so they would fight. Occasionally they would come down of their own accord, which was equally thrilling. Jean (ValJean) kicked the crap out of Marius.

6th grade

• Middle School Began. It sucked.
• Moved beyond books about Narnia.
• Got over her horse obsession, though they were still lovely animals.
• No longer needing a full scholarship...the Empress took her studies even less seriously than she did before. Kinda funny that that was possible...
• Began to high jump.
• Was a science/math kid, strangely enough
• Started to write a different book without illustrations (no horses, no need)

7th grade

• Empress of clique called "The Sizzlers"
• Created special handshake/slap
• Became "best friends" with Sarah, one of the Sizzlers
• Drifted away from Jenny after she told the entire junior high that the Empress liked a boy.
• Wrote on her locker with dry erase markers
• Best high jumper at the school, no contest
• Always late to first class...didn't care to make bus. No one worthy was present.
• Was very good friends with Jesus

8th grade

• Affectionately referred to as "hell."
• Moved to Seattle, Washington
• Beautiful area...horrible people (selected exceptions to the rule)
• Took her first photography class
• Didn't run track for the first time since 4th grade
• The Empress was told she needed more self esteem.
• The Empress found the last statement absolutely ridiculous
• Boys the Empress met thought that sexual harassment would be the way to go
• The Empress has only recently stopped trying to avoid people of the opposite sex because of that.
• Missed her home and her friends.

9th grade

• Went to "Bellevue Christian School" (in Clyde Hill...go figure) instead of Evergreen Junior High (hopefully the worst in the world for the sake of education everywhere)
• Got back into track, but received lousy high jump coaching...e.g. "jump that"...
• Was a genius in English, except for the whole "homework" thing.
• Didn't like people very much
• Always bought a muffin for lunch
• Found out that she would be moving to Wisconsin
• Began to watch 'Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman'--quality TV

10th grade

• Moved back to Minnesota instead of Wisconsin
• Attended Mounds View, the high school that she would have gone to had the first move never taken place
• Having kept in contact with Sarah, they remained friends.
• Because Jenny was not a good friend...they did not.
• Became friends with Jess
• Was a varsity high jumper and finally got better coaching
• Moved three times during that year within the same area
• Two of the houses had hot tubs, including the final destination
• Her parents could not seem to turn the heat past 'warm'
• A girl of larger size stepped on the Empress's foot in basketball...causing her to fall back onto her hand without being able to step back and catch herself
• The Empress, despite pain in her right hand, still made the baskets required of her before others.
• The next day her arm was determined to be fractured, a truly sad sign for those who hadn't been shooting with a broken arm.
• Still obsessed with Superman
• Started to suffer from Senioritis

11th grade

• The first year in five that the Empress went to the same school she had the year before
• Lois and Clark cancelled at the end of this year.
• The Empress mourned the loss of Superman
• Rebounded quickly with the X-Files
• One of the Empress's favorite movies, The Saint, came out in this year.
• Spent most of her time at camp during the summer.
• Realized that her sister did, indeed, have a personality, much to her surprise.
• Got Leona, her '87 Honda Accord--5 spd...very fun to drive
• Did excellently in track, as always
• Took a million hard classes and slacked at the same time...the only real way to learn.
• Her friend Lauren, the horse lover, died in January of that year. Killed by a drunk driver.
• The rest of that year did not go well academically...depressed procrastinators do not do work
• Created the name NakedVirgin this year...divine inspiration
• Took her second photography class
• Girls' Basketball Photographer

SENIOR YEAR--Class of '98

• Senioritis became allowed.
• Could not wait to leave
• Got a new camera--Pentax ZX 50 and a 300 mm zoom lens for birthday and christmas (within a month of each other)
• 3rd class of photography
• Received 4th place at the Minnesota True Team State Track Meet...30+ competitors...obviously in high jump
• All Conference Honorable Mention-similarly obvious
• Spent a lot of time with friends in anticipation of leaving
• Was BEYOND excited to leave high school.
• Took Indian Reservation pictures during a mission trip the summer after the school year
• Some kid wanted the Empress, having seen her for the first time at a graduation open house...but of course she ran out of there rapidly
• Got a speeding ticket for 75 in 55, but was really going like 83...had been a fast trip until that point
• Worked at the Minnesota State Fair selling tickets for the grandstand over the phone. It amused her to be asked to concerts...but it was also a bit disturbing.

Covenant Bible College: First Year

• The Empress attended CBC, the best school in the world.
• There were 87 students
• School of Pranksers...(heaven)
• Met some of her best friends in the world
• Among the Pranksters...the Empress was one of those known as "Master Mind"
• Wrote a classic poem about outhouses for a friend with an odd obsession
• The most loving, friendship charged atmosphere ever
• Naturally, the Empress kept everyone laughing
• Did the best in school that she ever had.
• Did papers right before the deadline...got quite the rush when running down the hall
• No track that year...but broke a Candian's hand in basketball
• Went to Israel.
• Took amazing pictures
• Was baptized (again) in the River Jordan, felt spiritual peace.
• Worked in the kitchen at a Bible Camp during the following summer and made 14 cents an hour.
• It was even worse than it sounds.

North Park University: 2nd Year--Sophmore

• In Chicago
• There was no comparison to the year before (which was a one-year Bible College)
• During this year, the Palace was created
• The Empress went to a dance and was declared "stunning," "amazing," and "beautiful" among other equally pleasing adjectives.
• April 9, 2000 the Palace was declared Angelfire Site of the Day
• Spent her nights staying up and doing very little work
• Missed photography and decided to leave the school

Columbia College Chicago: 3rd Year--Freshman

• Not all credits transferred
• Road tripped to Canada with Joanna. It is sometimes referred to as stupid week for reasons that may or may not be revealed later.
• Spent the summer working and taking pictures of whiny children
• Decided to go to Columbia College
• Rented a lovely apartment
• Had the hugest telephone bill ever seen
• Argued it down
• Met Andey, the crazy roommate from Maine
• Had to put together her own trundle bed because the trundle bed put together people didn't know how.
• Stupid people seemed to flock to somehow get in her way
• Turned 21 on Novemeber 30, 2000
• Had people over, in a hilarious weekend that can be read about in the story I wrote about the weekend.
• Was sick on New Years Eve
• Revamped the Palace for its one year Aniversary

• Realized she couldn't care less about photography and switched back to North Park
• Allowed the Palace to lapse as she focused on more important things...though what those things are is a mystery
• Moved back onto the North Park campus
• Has both the hottest and the coldest room on campus
• Has a mouse in the room that keeps eating her panties