Chocolate Ritual

Materials required:
 On the altar there are brown candles;
 a Tootsie Roll (the great big one -as the athame;) 
 a large glass with milk in it, (the chalice;)
 A small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon;
 a small dish of chocolate sprinkles;
 a plate of cupcakes and
 some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet;
 CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE: 
(Take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast No calories in thy presence 
last. Let no fat adhere to me, And as I will So Mote It BE!
Nestle's Quik where thou art cast Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
 Let all good things come to me, And make my milk all
chocolatey!   
CAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll):   
CALL THE QUARTERS: Mousse of the East, Fluffy one! Great
prince of the palace of dessert. Be present, we pray thee, And 
guard this circle from all moochers Approaching from the East.
Fondue of the South, Molten One! Great prince of the palace of
 decadence. Be present we pray thee, And guard this circle
from all diets Approaching from the south. Cocoa of the west, 
Satisfying One! Great prince of the palace of thirst. Be present
we pray thee, And guard this circle from all carob Approaching 
from the West. Rocky Road of the North, Cold one! Great
prince of the palace of crunchy. Be present we pray thee,
 And guard this circle from all cheap imitations Approaching from the
North.   
MAIN RITUAL: HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):
 Listen to the words of the Mother of
Chocolate; who was of old called; Godiva, Ethel M, Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See,
 and by many other names:  
 HPS: Whenever
you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when your 
checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great
public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen 
of all Goodies. In the Mall shall you assemble, you
who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I shall
 bring Good Things for your tongue. And you shall be
free from depression, and as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have
 chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall
munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises, all in my presence. 
For mine is the ecstasy of phenylalanine
(FEEN-EL-AL-A-NEEN), and mine also is Joy on Earth, yea, even into High
 Orbit, for my law is "Melts in your mouth, not in
your hand." Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop
 you or turn you aside. For mine is the secret that
opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and
 comfy, padding pounds on your hips. I am the
Gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy unto the tummies of men and women.
 Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things
delicious, and beyond death........well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that.
 I demand only your money in sacrifice; for
behold, chocolate is a business, and you have to pay for those truffles before 
you eat them.   SWISS MISS: Hear now the
words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap
 imitations, whose body graces candy racks and finer
stores everywhere: I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying
 softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get
the filling inside of truffles, and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire,
 call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me. For I
am the soul of candy; from me do all confections spring, and unto me all of
 you shall return, again.....and again..........and
again..................and again Before my smeared face, beloved of Women 
and Men, thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded
in the rapture of overdose. Let my taste be within thy mouth that rejoice,
 For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are
my rituals. Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling,
 big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut butter and
chocolate covered cherries all within you. And you who think to seek me,
 know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you
not unless you know the Mystery; "We will sell no chocolate until you
 pay for it." For behold; I have been with you since you
were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the 
land. Messed Be.   
SWISS MISS: Hear now the
words of the Chocolate God, who was of old called Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, 
Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many
other names.   

HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the
 piece that fell on the floor, but looks like it might not have
gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate.
 No matter how you try to resist the call of chocolate, I will hunt
you out and I will become your sacred prey. I am the warmth of
 hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that
leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown. I give
 you, my creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the power of
jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar, and the
 shelter of Haagen Daz when that big date didn't work out.
You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power; the power of a piece
 of chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden,
and the power of vision and magickal sight with which you can spot 
a candy counter a mile away. By the powers of the half
melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge you; by the darkest depths
 of the bottom of the cocoa pot and the lingering smell of
bittersweet chocolate, I charge you; and by the beauty of a
 perfectly swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you: Follow your
heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you. The wealth
 in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy.
Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the
 last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo. Yet you must be wary of
deceit. Eat not of that which is called "Baking Chocolate," for it is
 vile and bitter. Lastly, always remember to leave some
chocolate behind you. Be not greedy, but let yourself be known as a
 connoisseur. Leave a little for someone else. I am with you
always, just over your shoulder, or around the next corner. I am 
the Lord of Chocolate, and when you have reached the end of
your hoard, I will never be farther away from you than that 7-Eleven 
on the corner. I am the spirit of the Wild Child; the Inner
Child who can never get quite enough. If you are a true
 chocolate lover, then your soul and mine are intertwined.  
CUPCAKES & YOO-HOO: (The blessing of the Yoo-Hoo)   
HP: Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark
chocolate. HPS: Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate. 
HP: For both are better than the falsely named 'white
chocolate,' HPS: And neither one is carob. HP: As the frosting is to the cupcake, 
HPS: So the creamy nougat is to the Milky
Way Bar. BOTH: And when they are eaten, they are yummy in truth, for there is no greater snack in all the world than one
made of chocolate.   (The blessing of the cupcakes)
 HP: Frosting is keen, HPS: And the filling is neat. BOTH: Great Goddess!
Let's eat! Feasting and drinking (chocolate liquer, if possible,) music and dance.   Dismiss Quarters. HPS: Oh, ye mighty
goodies of the ______, We thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle And ere you depart for your sweet and
sticky realms, We say unto you, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best."   ALL: "Chooooc-laaate."   (After all
quarters have been dismissed, give a final, satisfying belch at the East.) Close circle.  

 copyright August 1993, John L. Shepard.
Permission is given to post anywhere as long as the 
content is not altered and this notice is attached.
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