Jeff woke up the next morning to find Virginia missing. He quickly got up and walked around the hospital to look for her. He eventually ran into Michael “Are you looking for Ginny?” Michael greeted.
“Yes, you’ve seen her?” he asked anxiously.
“She’s with Freddie.” He smiled at Jeff “Their in Rm 6 of ICU. Come on, I’ll take you there.” He led the way and opened up the automatic doors. “I’ve got an operation this morning, so I’ll see you guys later.” Michael waved goodbye before leaving Jeff.
Jeff gave a quick smile as he slowly entered the room. His heard almost stopped when he saw the scene before him. Ginny was lying on the side of where Freddie lied, while his hand was placed gently on her head. He looked away, not wanting to disturb their slumber. “Breakfast time!” The nurse announced as she walked in and pulled the curtains open, letting the sunshine go through.
Virginia was startled by the sound as she popped open her eyes to see Jeff in front of her. She gave a quick smile and covered a yawn. “Freddie.” She pushed lightly at his body.
The nurse giggled “He’s a deep sleeper, you have to use more strength like this…” she shook him almost violently “Mr. Lam…Wake up!!” He immediately opened his eyes “Well, that’s more like it. Pea soup for breakfast, yum.” The nurse said as she set the tray on his bed tray.
“I thought I wasn’t on any kind of diet?” Freddie asked with a bit of disappointment.
“You’re not but, honey, you just had brain surgery. Most people don’t even eat regular food for months.” The nurse explained.
“Well, I guess I’m gonna have to find an assistant to bribe huh?” he gave Virginia a wink.
She smiled sternly “Well, let me ask Michael if you should be on any kind of diet and we’ll talk about sneaking food in for you okay?”
He smiled and nodded quickly. When he noticed that Jeff was standing in the corner of the room really quiet, he spoke up “Hey, you gonna stand there like a rock or are you gonna give me a hug?”
Jeff instantly put on a smile “I didn’t want to disturb you guys.” He said politely as he gave Freddie a quick hug. “Joanne has been waiting since yesterday to see you.”
“Oh, bring her in.” Freddie said.
“Uh uh…two people at a time.” The nurse warned as she checked his monitor tubes to see if they were still in place.
“Well, I’ve seen you longer. Let’s give some people a chance.” Virginia offered. She smiled as she reached for Freddie’s hands “I’ll see you later.”
He nodded in reply and watched her leave. A smile imprinted on his face eventhough she was long gone. “You love her don’t you?” Jeff asked straightforwardly.
The question surprised Freddie as he looked at him oddly “Why do you say that?”
Jeff smiled a he took a seat next to him “Your actions, your words. I have a feeling she feels mutual about you.”
Freddie shrugged “Maybe, but I don’t want to mistaken it for deep friendship. I must admit that I’ve never felt this way about a girl…except for my girlfriend in high school.”
“Really?” Jeff asked.
“Yeah, but that’s in the past. I want to be sure of my feelings before I make a fool out of myself.” He stopped when he noticed Jeff looked away sadly “I know you care for her a great deal too. You would probably be the perfect candidate.”
“Say no more…I don’t think she needs anymore pressure.”
“Who doesn’t need pressure?” the guys turned to the opening door where Joanne walked in. A smile so big that it surprised both of them. “Hey you…awake so early?” she asked casually.
Freddie smiled “Come give papa a hug.” He said teasingly as he brought out two arms for her. She took them eagerly as they hugged for a few seconds.
“How are you feeling?” she asked brightly.
“Never been better. You wouldn’t believe I just had brain surgery.” He pointed to his bandaged head “This thing is sooo heavy!”
“I’ll bet.” She giggled. Then Joanne noticed that Jeff was being extra quiet “Hey, why do you look so sad? Cheer up, Freddie’s okay now.”
Jeff smiled “I know. I guess I’m just tired.”
“Well, you should go home and rest. I’m sure you were tired running around looking for Ginny last night.”
Jeff nodded in reply “Yeah. I think I’ll take off. I’ll see you later, Freddie.”
Freddie smiled “Thanks buddy.” When Jeff was gone, he turned to Joanne “What do you mean that he was looking for Ginny? Wasn’t she with you guys the whole time?”
Joanne looked confused “No, I guess she never got the message cause she had patients. But he eventually found her.” Freddie nodded slowly while Joanne smiled “What? Trying to solve mysteries already? Don’t worry, I won’t argue with you. It’s no fun if I could win against a guy that has a piece of his head missing.” She laughed at her own joke.
“Better than having half a brain missing.” He quipped. “Oooh, gotcha didn’t I?” he teased.
She smiled “Well, I’m gonna go easy on you for now. Wait til you get better…its war, baby.” She nodded firmly.
************
For the next week, everyone anticipated for the day that Michael would announce what the mass in Freddie’s head was. It was Sunday morning when everyone gathered in Freddie’s hospital room in Intensive Care Unit. Even though he in stable condition, he was kept in the unit for more tests. Michael walked in looking a bit distressed. They instantly knew it wasn’t going to be good news. “Come on Michael, don’t keep everyone waiting.” Freddie spoke up when Michael was gathering his thoughts.
He took a deep breath. “At the time being, they have not confirmed what the mass is. But it’s proven to be a tumor.”
Freddie’s mother gasp “Oh dear Lord. Is it cancerous?” she asked the question no one dared to ask.
Michael shook his head and sigh of relieves were sung throughout the room “But, Yee Gor has to do radiation for the rest of his life. Like I said before, it hasn’t been determined what kind of tumor yet. I will know by the end of the day. Let me know if you need anything.” He told Freddie who nodded at him. He left the silent room.
Linda and her mom couldn’t hold the tears from coming. “Hey, hey don’t cry. At least it isn’t cancer.” Freddie said optimistically.
“Yeah. Freddie’s a strong person, he’ll fight it.” Virginia said firmly.
Freddie glanced at her and smiled thankfully “Yeah, Ginny knows me best. Come on mom, stop crying.” He placed his hand on his mother as he patted it slowly. “I’ll be fine.” He said trying to convince everyone. Don’t look at me like that guys. I’m still alive and better than ever!” he smiled showing everyone how alive and well he was.
“We’ll keep praying for you.” Deana spoke up, tears forming in her eyes too.
“Thank you.” Freddie smiled sincerely. “Now go on, I’m sure you guys haven’t eaten dinner yet.”
“I want to stay with you.” His mother said softly.
“If your gonna cry, I’d rather you go somewhere that will make you not cry.” He said warmly, hoping that she would not take it personal.
“I guess I shouldn’t stay then.” She wiped the new tears.
“Ga Jei, take care of mom for me.” Freddie whispered to his sister.
She nodded understandingly “I will.”
Slowly the crowd began to disappear, leaving Virginia and Joanne left. “Well, who’s gonna be the lucky girl and stay with me?” he asked teasingly.
Virginia glanced at Joanne, who’s eyes were avoiding hers. She knew Joanne didn’t want to leave. “I’ll go.” She offered.
Freddie smiled “Okay. I’ll see you later.” He smiled and gave her a slight wink. When Ginny left the room, he turned to Joanne “Okay, now that she’s gone. You can tell me what you’ve been wanting to tell me.”
She looked up “How did you know?”
He shrugged “Magical powers, I guess. Well, you want me to read your mind now?” he raised his eyebrows teasingly.
She shook her head “No, I’ll tell you….” She paused as she searched her mind for the right words to say “I…don’t know how to say it.” She smiled weakly.
He reached for her hands “Joanne.” He said softly, it was very seldom that anyone would call her by her whole name. It didn’t sound as bad as she imagined “We’ve known each other for a while now. We’ve gone through numerous fights and not to mention heart-to-heart talks. You can tell me anything.” He smiled.
“I..like you…” she stuttered. “I’ve liked you for a long time.” She said more bluntly.
His face fell but he continued to hold her hand in his “Well, I like you too.” He said quickly.
She tilted her head “You know what I mean.”
He looked away “Yes. Unfortunately I do.” He lied back on his pillow “I should have caught the signs.” He sighed softly “You’re a great girl, Jo…”
Tears brimming in her eyes “But you don’t like me that way. I understand.” She smiled as tears trickled down her face. She began to pull her hands away, but he had a better grasp on it as he pulled her back.
“No, I don’t think you understand. Michael said that I will be doing radiation for the rest of my life. Can you imagine what kind of burden that will be? I know you have a big heart and you probably don’t mind the fact that I will be a burden. But I care. You know when I was young, I imagined myself growing up and marrying the most wonderful wife. She would never have to work hard or worry about anything, because I was going to take care of her. Now…yeah, sure things changed and I’m a homosexual. But lately I’ve been asking myself if I really knew the meaning of homosexuality. I think it was my escape from the reality of a heartbreak. There’s absolutely nothing gay about me except for the way I act sometimes. But I do that because Virginia finds it amusing…not to mention strangers. I scare people sometimes and I think its almost like an adventure. Its strange how people stare at you because you’re different. I think its time to be myself.”
Joanne nodded slowly “You’re in love with Ginny, aren’t you ?”
Freddie looked up “Is it that obvious?”
She smiled “Yes. To a third person’s point of view. It looks like she’s the only person that doesn’t know this. I think you should tell her.” She pushed.
He shook his head slowly “I don’t have a right to love anyone. To put that kind of burden and pain on someone that I care so much about? I can’t do it, Jo. I really can’t.” he continued to shake his head.
“Well then, you are going to cause another heart break.” She looked away slowly.
“I’m sorry…” he muttered.
“Don’t be. At least you were honest. I’m just glad you found who you really were until it was too late…” she trailed off when she realized what she was saying.
Freddie didn’t seem to mind “I know. Life is strange you know? One day, you’re happy and living and healthy. The next, you’ve got someone telling you that it’s about to change forever.” He sighed “I’m gonna be honest with you Jo, I really don’t have a good feeling about this result.”
She shook her head “Don’t say that. No matter what happens, remember that you’ve got great friends that are willing to take care of you. All the way.” She nodded firmly.
He smiled “Who would have thought a misunderstanding in a bar would evolve into such a friendship?”
“I know what you mean. Life really is unpredictable.” She smiled warmly.
Chapter 29
Virginia Chan – Vivian Leung
Freddie Lam – Nick Cheung
Joanne aka Jo Hung – Joyce Tang
Jeremy aka Remy Hung – Julian Cheung
Jeff Lai – Louis Koo
Linda Lam – Flora Chan
Michael Lam – Steven Ma
Deana Chu – Ruby Lin
By that night, everyone seemed to be in better moods. They were laughing and joking with each other inside of Freddie’s room. Some of the nurses even had to tell them to keep it down. Ginny left the room quietly at one time when she had to use the restroom. When she got back, she saw Michael waiting outside of the ladies room. “You’re waiting for someone?” she asked.
He looked up, his face grim as he shook his head “Ginny, I have to talk to you. I’ve got another surgery in five minutes and I’ll be back later to check on Yee Gor and talk to him too.”
“What’s wrong?” her heart thumping when she guessed that it wasn’t good news.
“The tumor is cancerous.” He said shortly.
She gasp as she covered her mouth to keep herself from screaming “How? Why?” she was close to breaking down. “Are you sure?”
He nodded slowly “It’s even worse than I imagined.” Tears in his eyes for the first time since the operation. He explained everything to her in five minutes “I know Freddie will need your help more than anyone’s right now. That’s why I felt that you should be the one to tell him.” He patted her on the shoulder while tears fell from her eyes “I’m sorry, it’s a lot of pressure on you, but I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather give this job to.”
She quickly wiped her tears “I understand.” She said calmly, but inside, she was hysterical. She pushed herself to stay focused as she went back inside the room to tell Freddie and the others the harsh news.
When she walked through the door, she heard giggles coming from all sides of the room. It broke her heart to know that it will be a long time before they hear that same laugh again. What she was worrying about was the fact that Freddie might not be able to handle it. “Ginny, it’s your turn now!” Joanne bounced from her seat beside Freddie as she ran to Virginia giggling like a little girl “We’re telling nasty jokes.” Her face fell when she noticed that Virginia’s eyes were red. “What’s wrong?” she whispered.
Joanne wasn’t the only one that noticed, Freddie motioned for her to sit on his bed “Come on, whatever it is, you might as well share it with the group.”
Jeff stood up from his seat, using his hand he reached for her cold hand “Come on.” He coaxed softly.
She responded to his touch as she let him lead her to Freddie’s bed. She sat down softly and the room grew more silent. Freddie sat up and took a hold of her left hand as he gave it a little squeeze. Jeff was about to let go of her right hand when she pulled him back and shook her head hinting for him not to let go. “Michael will be back to give you more details but he told me about the cancer.” Before the elder woman can start crying, she continued “The type of cancer is called Glioblastomas, there are four different grades. The first and second is benignant and the third and fourth is malignant.” Her eyes traveled to Freddie “You were on the fourth level.” She heard his mother burst in tears but she had to continue “The good part is that the fluid inside the tumor did not explode when Michael did the operation. You would have died.”
“Well, why can’t they take it all out??!” Joanne asked angrily.
Remy got up as he put his arms around his sister “Shhh…listen to her.” He coaxed as he pulled her to the empty chair that was Jeff’s.
“This type of cancer is the most deadly of all brain tumors. There are tentacles that cling onto the brain and the scary part is that the color of the tumor is the same color as the brain, so Michael took out as much as he possibly could. If he went further, part of your brain could have disappeared. Because the tumor is located close behind your right eye, your left eye is going to blurry. That can be fixed with some eye exercises, but that blind spot you see is always going to be there.”
Freddie looked away slowly “I didn’t want to frighten you guys.” His heart ached when he saw his mother and sister crying. “What else did Michael say?”
Virginia continued “You’ll be doing Chemotherapy and radiation for the next six months.” She allowed tears to come out as she went on “This type of cancer is very common in men from the age of 40 and above.”
“But he’s only 29!” Joanne cried, still trying to get over the shock.
“Its caused by stress, worries….and other stuff that they have not learned about yet. It’s very hard to determine the cause and to detect it is even harder since it has no pre-warnings or symptoms. Maybe a migraine headache. That was a week before you went into a coma.” She said to Freddie.
He nodded slowly “Well, guys. I think that’s as bad as it gets.” He said lightly but his hands were trembling so much that Virginia had to tighten her grip. “I’ll be fine.” It was the same line that he’s been saying. The only difference is that he no longer believes in it.
The room grew silent for a few minutes as everyone said their silent prayers. Linda soon took her mother home because she couldn’t handle it anymore. Remy and Deana had work the next day. The last three stayed back with Freddie. “Can you girls do me a favor?” Freddie asked.
“Anything.” Virginia said. Joanne nodded, the lump in her throat was growing by the minute.
“I have a sudden craving for an ice blended mocha with tapioca pearls.”
“We’ll get it for you.” Joanne managed to say.
The girls left the guys to have their own talk “I’m sorry..” Jeff said after the girls left, he didn’t know what else he could say to ease Freddie’s pain.
“Well, its nothing you can do about it….” He tried to sound nonchalant but it was useless, the news was too much for him. “I’m just worried about my mom.”
“That should be the least of your worries. I’m surprised that everyone had given up already. At least they sound like they have. Somehow I imagined you to be a lot more strong than you appear to be right now. You’ve gone through more emotional problems than anyone I’ve ever known.” Freddie gave him an odd look “Ginny told me a few personal stuff. I hope you don’t mind. She was so into the conversation and before she knew it, I was informed of everything.”
Freddie fought back the tears that he knew were about to come out “I don’t mind that you know. You’re a good person Jeff. I couldn’t imagine anyone more perfect for Ginny. Can you promise me that after I die, you will take care of her? I don’t believe there has been any guy that she had such a good impression on before.”
Jeff smiled as he shook his head “It doesn’t matter what happen to you, her heart will always have you. There is no one in the world that can replace you, especially me. To be honest, I’ve heard of this type of cancer. If you look at the statistics, it will only bring you down. Why don’t you use Ginny as your motivation for fighting this disease? Have some faith. Why can’t you just admit that you love her?”
Freddie let the tears come out “Because I can’t. How could I give my complete love to someone that knows I can die any time? Can you imagine how horrible it would be for her? I can’t do it to the person I love.”
“How do you know? You’ve never told her and you have no idea what’s she’s thinking or how strong she could be if you ask her to be. Trust me, when you have time. Talk to her. I’m sure she would like to know how you feel. I don’t know what else I can do for you, but I hope that my words have helped in some way.”
Freddie nodded “Yes, they have. More than you think.”
***************
The girls drove out to the drink shop down the street from the hospital and got the drink for Freddie. When they returned they found Michael inside the room, talking to the other two guys. “Great, just in time. Come on in girls, so I don’t have to repeat anything.” He pointed to the empty chairs for the girls to sit on.
Joanne handed the drink to Freddie as he took it eagerly “Thanks. You’re an angel.” He gushed.
She smiled “Glad someone noticed.” How much he missed that teasing tone in her voice.
“I’m about to explain the healing process of this cancer to Freddie. I assume mom is not taking this too well?” he saw Freddie nod solemnly. “I need a strong person that can handle this situation for Freddie.” His eyes were fixated on Virginia.
“Why me?” she asked calmly.
“Because you’re my best friend, you are never out of control and you are the shoulder that can carry tons of weight.” Freddie said coolly. He smiled when she wrinkled her nose disagreeing to his comment. “You don’t want to do it?”
She gave him a stern look “I never said that.” She pulled out a tiny pad and a pen from her purse, ready to take notes for Freddie.
“What did I tell you? Always ready…” Freddie smiled appreciatively.
“Okay, I’ll get started. Jo and Jeff, you two can be backups.” They nodded in agreement “The radiation will start in about two weeks for a whole six months. This type of radiation is basically laser beam that will shoot directly into the part where the tumor is in hope that we can destroy the remaining portion of the tumor. This won’t hurt but there is a chance of brain damage because of the rays of radiation.” He paused waiting for Virginia to finish jotting down the notes. “I’ll give you the specific name of the rays later. Next is the chemotherapy. This is a lot more painful you could say. There are constant tests going on to find the perfect chemotherapy that everyone can handle despite their age difference. I would personally recommend this new one, they don’t have a name yet, but I have faith in the research team. It’s a pill that you take. The second type is done through an injection into your blood stream that flows through the brain. This one will take about two hours each time you do it. Preferably once per week.”
“I’ve heard of Chemotherapy but never knew what it is.” Joanne said curiously.
“Well, its basically poison designed to attack the tumor.” He noticed Joanne’s eyes popped out with shock “Yes, it sounds scary. But in sense, if it does work, the tumor will never return and Freddie will be safe as long as he is careful.” He added quickly “Obviously, if poison is put into the body, there will be major side affects. You will probably go into random seizures, which are normal. It is not deadly and should end in about two minutes. You will probably be exhausted because that has been the case for 98% of the patients. Your head will be very swollen in which I will prescribed a type of steroids to lower the swelling. I think that should be it. Do you have any questions, Yee Gor?”
“What are the chances that I’ll live?” he’s been wanting to ask that since he found out that morning.
Michael reached for his brother’s hands as he gave it a slight squeeze “You don’t need to know. My advice to you is take in the good and leave out the bad.”
“What’s the good?” Joanne asked.
“He’s young, which means his body is stronger, it can probably take the chemo and radiation. You have to be stronger in the mind to fight this type of cancer. Have faith in God and in yourself. Do not think about death too much. Worry about fighting it. Live your life carefully and casually, you won’t be able to work at all. I’m sure that’s good news.” He smiled at his brother, who’s face began to light up at the last line.
“That is good news!” Freddie laughed but abruptly stopped. He thought about the bills “This is gonna cost a fortune.”
Jeff looked up with a smile “That you don’t have to worry about. You’ve got a very gracious lender.”
Freddie opened his eyes wide “You?” he wasn’t aware that Jeff had a lot of money to spare.
“No, of course not! It’s Deana.” When he noticed everyone looked surprise he continued to explain “Apparently, she is a very rich girl. Enough money to spare for three life times. She told me that it’s the least she can do for you.”
Freddie smiled at the generosity of the girl he barely knows. “Write a note for me to give her a call and thank her personally.” He pointed to Virginia to write it down for him.
“What do I look like? You’re secretary?” she joked.
“No, a PERSONAL secretary.” He emphasized.
Everyone laughed at his comment except for Virginia, who didn’t look too pleased. But she soon joined in when they began laughing at her awe expression. “Okay, let’s take off the bandage, shall we?” Michael said.
“Oooh, I can’t wait!” Joanne said anxiously.
“What are you so excited about?” Freddie asked sarcastically as he sat up and let Michael take off the bandages.
“I never knew a bald guy.” She explained, her eyes glued to the falling bandages. When Michael was finished, they were able to witness the half circle perfect stitches across his right temple. “Wow…” she commented at the stitches “It looks like a football.”
Freddie smiled “Thanks, I didn’t know I was a cone-head.” He touched his hair and felt the stubs already growing out. “Feels very good.” He was talking about the stitches.
“We’ll see how well you do an then I’ll take off the stitches in about a week or two.” He gathered his notes “Anyways, I should be going. I haven’t had sleep in the last week.” He let out the widest of yawns.
“Thank you, Mikey.” It was nickname that Freddie seldom used for his brother “I know you’ve been overwhelmed with everything. I couldn’t be more happier that you were my surgeon.” Freddie said whole heartedly.
“It was my honor. Now I know how small your brain is.” He gave him a wink before leaving the room.
Virginia dropped the notes in her purse as she stood up and snuck out with Michael while Joanne and Jeff were admiring his stitches. “Michael…” she whispered.
“What is it?” he looked surprise that she had a question.
“I know you didn’t want to tell Freddie, but I like to be prepared for everything. What is his life expectancy?”
Michael sighed “I didn’t want to crush his heart, but the truth is this chemo and radiation is only helping to stretch out his live twice the expectancy. Two years, max.” he said bluntly “I don’t want to disappoint him even more.”
Virginia covered her mouth as she cried for the 100th time that week. “No one’s ever lived through this cancer?” she was hoping the answer was yes, but by the look on Michael’s face, she was going to be disappointed again.
“No. But there are miracles that happen. I am praying for it to be Yee Gor. He needs a lot of faith, Ginny.” Michael put a protecting hand on her shoulder “I know you are his motivation, I can tell in his eyes. Be strong for him.” He left her leaning against the wall outside the door as she cried her eyes out.
Chapter 30
Virginia Chan – Vivian Leung
Freddie Lam – Nick Cheung
Joanne aka Jo Hung – Joyce Tang
Jeremy aka Remy Hung – Julian Cheung
Jeff Lai – Louis Koo
Linda Lam – Flora Chan
Michael Lam – Steven Ma
Deana Chu – Ruby Lin
For the next few weeks, Virginia became Freddie’s guide to healing. She was there when he needed her. Michael finally released him home after a long and dreading two weeks. Everyone would often come to visit him while his mom continued to urge him to come home so she could take care of him.
He would always decline lovingly so she would understand that he meant no harm by the declination. She finally understood after a few conversations with her son. He was a lot more comfortable at home.
Because of the fact that he can have a seizure any time on any day, they were reluctant to have him stay home by himself. Eventually everyone came up with a schedule to work around Freddie. His mother and Linda had the morning shift after Virginia went to work. She cut her hour down to 5pm instead of the usual 7pm. The afternoons, Deana and Remy dropped by until around 1pm and that’s when Joanne came by. Sometimes Jeff would fill in the night time when Virginia had to go to stay at work.
Freddie tried his best not to feel like a burden, but it was difficult since everywhere he turned one of his friends or loved ones was in his face asking if he was alright. He even started a little journal writing since he had nothing else to do. In it was his most explicit and secretive feelings. Things deep down that Virginia didn’t even know about. He called her Gin after his best friend:
“Gin,
Three whole months has passed. Can you imagine? I have one year and nine months to go. Ginny thinks I don’t know my life expectancy, but I looked on the internet and found out the longest is two years. Considering my age and health, I’ll give myself two years. Although I pray to God every night that I would die an old age, with Ginny by my side. I can tell by the look in her eyes every time she looks at me that its killing her inside. How could I cause a person so much pain? There is no way I could tell her how I really feel. Wouldn’t that be adding more wood to the growing fire? Yeah, I’ve been picking up some new phrases from my girl. MY girl? Now why would I call her that when I’m not even sure how she feels? I know Jo and Jeff both told me practically the same thing, but from the way Ginny acts, it doesn’t seem anymore special than it was before. Anyways, I don’t plan to tell her at all. What difference does it make that she will ever know? It won’t change anything, I still have to die. But, I should get back to life now. I’m still trying to keep it as natural as ever. Until tomorrow night, my friend.”
He closed the journal and placed it on his shelf along with other books that he owned. He walked outside to get a drink and found Virginia sitting up on the couch as she watched the television aimlessly. The mute button was on and she was watching some sort of cartoon that he didn’t recognize. “Hey, sleepy head. Shouldn’t you be in bed?” he asked as he plopped down next to her.
She smiled as she leaned on his shoulder comfortably “Can’t. I had five cups of coffee today and you know what caffeine does to me.”
“I see. Well then I can join you. I can’t sleep myself. Maybe, we’ll just sleep out here?” he asked.
She smiled “Sure. Go get some thin blankets in that extra room.”
“What extra room?” he looked confused.
She sat up and stared at him unbelievably “You’ve lived here for a almost two years and now you’re asking what extra room?”
He rolled his eyes “Well, if you weren’t so secretive about everything, maybe I would know.” He laughed when she stuck her tongue out at him. “Come on, show me.” He pulled her up as she led him to the room behind the kitchen.
“See?” she opened it and appeared a room as big as his. It was filled with old cardboard boxes and a closed closet with blankets and some pillows.
“Well, I’ll be…” he muttered as he looked around “I always thought this was the garage.”
She laughed “Is that a side effect from your medicine?” she teased while she pulled out the thinner blankets for him. “By the way, I never asked how the chemo was going.”
“Well, do I look like a cancer patient?” they walked back into the living room to watch the mute television. “Just because my head is bald. To be honest, the worse thing that I have encountered is the locked knees. Michael is prescribing me with some potassium and magnesium medicine to control it. I felt a little tired once in a while but that’s only natural. But I might just die of boredom. Everyone is in my face 24/7!”
“Even me?” she asked softly.
“Well, I don’t mind a pretty face.” He flirted.
She tilted her head with a wide grin “I think that was the most heterosexual thing you have ever said to me!”
He shrugged his shoulders “Really? Well, get use to it, baby because you’ll be hearing more of it.” He gave her the best manly and flirtatious voice ever.
She burst out in giggles as she covered her mouth “Don’t…no…please….you’re killing me.” She held onto her stomach in pain.
“Well! I’m glad you find my manly voice amusing.” He sounded hurt but she knew he was just joking.
She stopped laughing as her face grew serious “Hey, so what are you now?”
“Human, like I’ve always been…well, actually, more like entrapped with poison and radiation. Put the microwave next to me and I’ll cook the frozen pizza for you.” He tried to make light of the situation.
“Stop. It’s not funny. You know what I was trying to ask.” She said more seriously. It was the question that was burning inside of her three months ago.
“I’m….still gay.” He said uncertainly.
She looked at him strangely “Are you sure?”
He smiled “Never been more sure in my life.” He lied.
She nodded slowly “I see. Well, good for you. At least all this hasn’t changed your beliefs.” She patted him on the shoulder “Okay, have fun out here, I’ll be asleep on my warm bed.”
“Hey, I thought you were joining me? What happened to your caffeine?”
“It was burned off from all that laughing. Thanks, you’re a great help!” she said brightly before returning to her bedroom.
She didn’t sleep right away, instead she reached for her journal inside her bottom drawer and began to write. She didn’t realize how long she was writing until she stopped to look at the time. It was for a long hour. She let out a short stretch of the arms and back and replaced the journal to it’s original place.
************
Six months had past since Freddie was diagnosed with Cancer. It was the day that Michael was to do more testing to see how the chemo and radiation reacted to his body. The results were not promising as he sighed and turned to the group “Well guys, don’t be discouraged but the tumor is still there and it looks like his body isn’t taking the chemo too well. There’s no harsh side effects, thank goodness, but it looks like your immune is not allowing the chemo to go to your brain. We might have to try a stronger dosage. Maybe twice the amount.”
“Wouldn’t that be harmful?” Joanne asked, concerned for Freddie.
“Not really.” Michael looked thoughtful “Because this is the newest chemo that’s out in the market, which means it’s the strongest they have available. If his body is fighting this chemo that means it’s not working. So we try a stronger one and hopefully it will make a difference.”
“You mean, if we see side effects it mean that its working?” Virginia asked.
Michael nodded “Exactly. Although it is not good to have them, but that’s our only way of detecting it through your body.” He said to Freddie.
“I see.” Freddie nodded slowly. “You think the stronger dosage will help? Tell me honestly.” He asked his brother.
“I don’t want to give you false information. But you know we all will be praying that this will work.” He stood up “I’ll set up the appointment for the stronger dosage now. You guys relax a bit.”
“I sure can, but wait til Deana sees the bill. You’ll be sorry that you agreed to help.” Freddie joked.
Deana smiled “A friend of Remy’s is a friend of mine.”
They looked at Remy “A friend of Jo’s is a friend of mine.”
Jo laughed “My turn? Okay…A friend of Jeff’s is a friend of mine.”
“A friend of Ginny’s is a friend of mine.” Jeff smiled at Virginia because she was the last on the list.
“I guess I’m stuck with you Linda.” The group laughed hysterically for the first time since the diagnosed day.
Linda shook her head “Did you guys realize that was the first time we’ve laughed together since…” her eyes diverted to the ground.
“You’re such a mood spoiler, Ga Jei!” Freddie scolded. He smiled at everyone “I feel like ice cream. Anyone?”
Everyone replied with scattered ‘yes’. They headed out to the closest ice cream parlor they could find. Everyone tried to make light of the situation as they talked about everyone but his disease. Even then it couldn’t help him take his mind off of the problem that was growing.
SIU BING LIBRARY