I've grown so in these past years. I've tasted sorrow, so thick,
and bitter
that the flavor took a long time to leave my mouth.
It's aroma lingered in the air, making it impossable for me to consume
any
thing else.
It took time for sorrows essence to leave me alone. And once it had
begun
to drift away, I; myself struggling with the guilt left behind; started
to be!
Now, I am truely apart from it. It lingers still, slightly, in the
shadows
of the darkest night. It peeks around doorways now and then, in places
that it should never go.
Sometimes, a fragrance fills the air still, one to bring a shiver to my
soul,
But now, unlike before, I can close my eyes, inhaling it's bittersweet
taste,
and make it go away!
The growing is not complete, yet, it feels as though it is. It has
taught
me, that thick sorrow; how to look at life.
Now I know......
weather it is from the sorrow, or from the thing that brought the sorrow;
I may never be sure; That love, glorious and total does, in all of it's
power and light; exist.
That if; while our life winds down and closes off yesterday: we are lucky
enough to run into, and stay with, the love we have looked for, and captured
within our most needful hearts.
Then we are more fortunate for having had the blessed luck.
But growing?
I have done some! I have expanded my existence to include the out
side world.
I have let in those others, the ones that before I wouldn't let myself
see.
They are the same, yet; there is a difference somehow.
Weather it is in my seeing, or the way they see me. That is a question
I will
not be asking, not any more.
I now have reached a better place. Finding myself watching the things
around me,
not with the old disdain, but with contented pleasure.
I feel it course, as blood courses, through the vains and valvues of my
heart, but
unlike a pulse beat, caused by a rapid heart, speeding on from excitement
or fear.
It is like ......... It is like ........
When all around is silent,
as with a deaf ear.
I see things in a light; in a mannor of speaking; that before this, I did
not see at
all.
Now, in this light, a bright and wonderful thing has been born, and;
I have evolved!
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Shadows
At the beginning of twilight, before the moon shines bright.
I see the ghosts of memories, that haunt me in the night.
They enter from the distance, of long forgotten dreams.
They bring with them the promise, of broken plans and schemes.
I close my eyes so tightly, to make them go away.
But spirits out of yesterday, have plans to always stay.
They drift on ever silent, on loudly running feet.
They bring to me a sadness, that is bitter and so sweet.
They cloud my every judgement, in every move I make.
They desolve every option, and any chance I take.
I can not live without them, these spirits in my mind.
I need to make them go away, for they are so unkind
****************************************************************************************************
Closure!
I need
you now as always, I'm wishing you were here.
I curse
you as I'm sleeping, and dreaming that your near.
You
didn't keep your promise, to protect me through the years.
You
left me with such heartache, I'm crying bitter tears.
We should
have grown old together, instead, I go alone.
In the
dreams that we created, in our love, and on our own.
I know
I said I'd love you, untill the end of time.
But
I have to go on living, the future, it's only mine.
I need
to say goodbye now, to the love you held for me.
I have
to, for my heart breaks, with each memorie I see.
You'll
always be a fixture, implanted in my soul.
I can't
forget the lessons, that I will always hold.
My darling,
please believe me, it's hard to let you go.
More
of you is within me, then you will ever know.
Because
you taught me well dear, I now can surely be,
One
that can love someone else, the way that you loved me.
So close
your eyes in slumber, sleep peacful through the years.
No longer
will you be the cause, of any of my tears.
4/19/95
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