Ellie Lee - Vivian Leung Siu Bing
Luke Foon - Louis Koo Tin Lok
The day was perfect, clear blue sky, not too warm and with a slight breeze blowing on the hills. He walked to her grave, he's been there a thousand times. The familiar steps up the hill, matching gravestones lied parallel to each other. Never having to count the head stones, he instantly knew which one it was. Stopping in front of her grave, reminded him once again how much he missed her. Kneeling down to lay the bouquet of white roses, her favorite. He gave a simple smile as he sat down and began talking about his day. Its been over a year now and he still can't seem to tear himself away from his usual routine to visit her grave every other day after work. Leaning on her grave as he talked about more stuff, his sunglasses hiding his tears that formed everytime he came there. Finally, he just broke down and cried. "God, how much I miss you!" he whispered in anger.
His anger still raging as he remembered the day the hospital called him. "Are you Mr. Luke Foon? Im afraid we have bad news." He still blamed himself for that day. If only he didn't ask her to buy him some cough drops, he wasn't even sick for goodness sakes! He just wanted her out of the house so he could fill the house with balloons and roses to suprise her. That was the day he planned to ask her to be his wife. The happiest day of his life turned tragic from one day. A car hit her from the back in the intersection, two other cars coming from both sides slammed into the body of her car. She died instantly, she didn't even have a chance.
He went to the bar that night, a few blocks from his home. He didn't want to drive because he knew he was going to get drunk. It was Friday afterall. The bar was busier than usual, filled with so many people. But he didn't care, never once looking at anyone except the bartender, who brought him his beer. Cold beer, he had about 10 before his eyes gave out. His vision was bluring uncontrollably, yet he didn't stop drinking.
Suddenly a girl walked in, looking around for her friends as she spotted them. Waving as she walked over to give them something...he couldn't see that far. Bam! he fell of the stool. "Are you okay, sir?" the bartender seemed to be the only one that cared about him.
Waving his hand as he clumsily stood up on his unsteady feet. The girl looked familiar...he's seen her somewhere. He sat there for another hour, waiting to approach the girl. She left earlier than her friends, walking out by herself. He quickly followed her, he was surprised to see the road she walked was the same one he walked with his girlfriend over a year ago. She didn't seem to notice him following her as he carefully wobbled his way up the tiny hill to an apartment structure. It was the same one his girlfriend lived in. He followed her inside and watched her push the button on the elevator. She finally saw his face, he looked very drunk but she contained her fear so he wouldn't do anything to harm her. Taking a confident stride as she stepped out to the 5th floor. The same floor his girlfriend lived on, taking her keys out quickly as she walked to 5C. Rushing in her home as she tried to close the door, seeing the guy standing outside. He seemed to be staring at her. He pushed through the metal door and then falling on his feet.
"Who are you?" her voice trembling in fear as she stepped back from the intruder.
He crawled back to the doors as he slowly closed it and locked it. Holding onto the door knob, he pushed himself up as he shook his head to clear up his eyes. Blinking a few times as he stared at the frightened girl. "Ah Kwan? You're not dead?" she was a splitting image of his girlfriend. Reaching for her as he came closer.
The scared girl pushed him away "Get out of my home!! I'm going to call the police." she reached for her phone near the couch.
He quickly pushed her hand away as he grabbed her hands, holding it behind her back. "No! Im not leaving you again!! You can't go anywhere!! Why, why did you leave me?!" he pushed her against the wall as he violently shook her over and over.
The girl was crying by now, her tears falling down her petrified face. "Please don't hurt me. If you want money, I can give it to you. Just please..." she begged him.
His voice calmed down "I don't want anything, Ah Kwan. Just don't leave
me again."
She could smell the wretched alcohol from his breathe. 'Who in the world is Ah
Kwan? Probably a girlfriend that dumped him.' She was more scared of what he was
planning to do to her. "Please don't hurt me." her quivering voice
seemed to run straight to his heart.
Looking at the doorway to her bedroom, he pulled her into the room. "Come on, I think we never got our chance to do this." his mind was taken over completely by the alcohol. He was totally hallucinating, he was positive the girl before him was Ah Kwan. She never really did die, it was all a dream. A vicous dream. He pulled the girl to the bed, hovering over her.
Her tears and pleadings seemed useless now, whimpering as he began to kiss her. She turned her face away everytime he reached for her lips. She was shivering from fear as the realization of what he was about to do to her. He mistook it for her being cold as he pulled down the blanket and covered their bodies with it. She was wearing a skirt, so it was easy access for him as he grazed her legs and thighs. "No...please don't." she knew it was too late. He was going to rape her.
Eventhough he was as gentle as can be, she was still in pain because she was a virgin. He quickly fell asleep within an hour. She layed there, feeling disgraced as her body was taken over by a stranger. Her tears had run out, thoughts of what just happened played over her head again and again.
When he woke up from a different scent of flowers, he told himself 'Ah Kwan doesn't use lilac. She liked roses.' Holding his head in pain as he got up from the bed, its been an hour since he fell asleep. 'What happened?' he thought, his head still spinning as he attempted to get up. His pants? What in the world happened?! The girl. He remembered, looking around frantically, where was she? He found her in the corner of her room, balled up around her blanket. Walking over to her slowly as the realization of what happened came over him. She was crying, he could tell. "Miss? Are you alright?" He couldn't even see her face.
She turned herself to face the wall as she clenched her teeth "Get out." she said coldly.
Putting up his hand to show her he meant no harm "I....Im very sorry. I thought..."
"GET OUT!!!" she cried out this time. Breathing heavy all of sudden. She began to weeze.
'Damn, she has asthma.' he thought. "Do you need help?" he tried again. He felt horrible but what can he do? The deed was done.
"NO!!!" her weezing got worse as she crawled to her dresser and pulled out the drawer. Taking out her inhaler as she squeezed a puff and then the next into her mouth. Taking a deep breath as she looked up at him "Get out before I call the cops." her voice was threating.
"Im...so sorry." he managed to blurt out before he grabbed his pants and left her there crying again.
She fell asleep in the corner of the room from being so tired. The next morning she woke up, it seemed like a vivid dream. She looked around at where she was, realizing that she wasn't on her bed only reminded her of what happened. "Oh God." she put her head down on her knees, once again tears rolling down her pale face.
He stayed awake the whole night in his room. His best friend who was his roommate wasn't home that weekend. The girl. 'I wonder how she is.' he thought. Covering his face with his hands as he cried out angrily "AHH!" How could he ever do such a thing? A Kwan would never forgive him, he couldn't possibly see her grave now. The guilt would be too much for him.
Three months had past since the raping incident. She was concentrating on her work more so she could leave the past behind her. When one day, she felt sick in the stomach. Her boss made her take a day off to see the doctor. He wouldn't hear of her coming to work sick the next day. "Ellie, do you know what's wrong with you?" her doctor asked in concern.
"No." she said shortly. But she knew exactly what it was, she was pregnant. How could she ignore the baby growing inside of her?
Her doctor has been taking care of her since she was 10. She knew exactly when Ellie was lying. "Do you know who the father is?" Dr. Lam was concerned. She's never seen Ellie with a boyfriend.
"No." her face was as calm as can be.
"You mean?" the doctor hoped in all the world that she wasn't rape.
She nodded her head slowly. "Yes."
"Did you call the police?"
"No. I was in shock for a while." a month to be exact.
"Are you going to keep this baby?" Ellie looked at the doctor, expressionless. Like it never occured to her to have an abortion. "I know some good doctors that can perform it for you. Three months is the best time to do it. The baby hasn't begun to form yet."
Shaking her head slowly. She's been debating the idea since she felt the baby inside her. Her mother had left her when she was 8, she died from cancer. She was about to have her own child in 6 months. The baby already had feelings, she could tell, how could she kill her own child. Looking up at her doctor "Im going to have it. I've given it a lot of thought." She left the doctor's office that day feeling lighter, like she made her a good decision.
It took him three months to gather up the courage and face his problem. He was going to see the girl he raped three months ago. Taking a deep breath as he stood outside her apartment. Knocking firmly, the lock opened and the door creaked open revealing two elderly couples. Confused, he asked them "Do you have a daughter? or a grandaughter here?"
The old lady smiled "No, its just us here."
"Was anyone living here before you?"
"As a matter, a young girl lived her before us. She moved out two months ago."
"Thank you." walking away from the apartment building, he was more depressed than ever. He's never going to find her now, his guilt was growing by the day. Going to work was just a distraction for him now.
"Luke! Earth to Luke! Anyone home?" his partner waved at his face when he dazed off again. "Come on, we have to write the article, its due today and you know who will have our necks if we don't finish."
"Jim, why don't you finish it? Im not feeling too good. Tell the boss lady that Im gonna go home." he got up quickly not waiting for Jim to ask him any more questions.
She took a cab back to her apartment. It had a beautiful view of the beach from her bedroom window. She would much rather wake up an hour earlier to work then to stay in that apartment where that guy.... Changing into her jeans and t-shirt as she tied her hair into a high poiny-tail. picking up her little black knit bag as she walked to the beach. A little fresh air would be nice. She strolled down the beach as she looked over the sand. There were sea shells everywhere. Suddenly, she had the urge to make something out of sea shells. It was force of habit, Ellie loved to design new creations, thats why she went into designing clothes. Dropping the sea shells into her knit purse as she continued down the beach.
Luke sat on the beach as he looked out into the ocean. Its been a while since he came there, Ah Kwan always loved it. He tried to avoid everything that reminded him of her. But it was useless, they've done too much together. His thoughts were interrupted by a girl that walked by. She looked to be around her twenties, very petite but her simple features was what attracted him. He watched her for a while, noticing that she was picking up seashells. He got up and walked over to her "Miss? Can I help you?"
Ellie looked up at the familiar voice "Uh..." he didn't look familiar though. "Sure." he seemed nice enough, anyways, she needed some help. "Can you pick up these sea shells for me?"
Admiring her open personality as he shook his head. He wandered off a few yards down picking up every sea shell he saw. After five minutes he ran back to the girl "Here." he held out his hand showing about 100 seashells.
She smiled sweetly as she picked out a dozen of the kind of shell that she wanted. "Thanks!"
"Wait a minute?" she was about to walk further down the beach when he stopped her. "You mean to tell me that Ive been picking up these dirty shells for five minutes and you only pick out 10 from a hundred?" his voice was teasing but he looked upset.
Ellie quickly caught on "Well, you picked up the wrong one. See?" she pulled out a handfull from her knit bag to show him the shells he had were different.
Rolling his eyes "Oh, sorry." a hint of sarcasm as he ran off to another part and picked up some more sea shells. She smiled at the guy as he skipped back to her after a few minutes. "Now don't tell me these are not right." He showed her the shells he had in his hands.
"Thats right, but...they're the wrong size." she said simply. Ellie was a perfectionist when it came to her hobbies and work.
He flipped his hand upside down, dropping the sea shells to the sand. Shaking his head as he chuckled. "Why you picky..." his face lit up when he noticed a huge sea shell a few feet behind her. Running over as he picked it up "Now this is a real sea shell!" he came back to her side as he showed off his prize shell he found.
She wrinkled her little nose "What are you going to do with that?"
"Well, what are you going to so with those?" he pointed to her bag.
"Im making a Wind chime." she smiled proudly.
His jaw dropped in shock "You're going to make a wind chime?" he couldn't believe she was that creative. He had two left hands when it came to creating anything. "Well, how about you put this one in the center? You know, have the little ones dangle to the side?" he used his hands to create a circular motion, showing her how the chime should look.
"With that?" she shook her head "No, it'll ruin the look." she began to turn and walk, while he quickly came to her side. "Nope." she continued to shake her head.
Luke put his hand on the top of her head to stop it from shaking. "Look, Ive helped you for a whole 15 minutes, the least you can do is keep this shell. Hey, if you do, I'll continue to help you, okay?" he pushed the huge shell to her as he ran off to collect more shells.
Ellie looked at the huge thing with disgust as she tossed it behind her. Walking closer to the waters as she found more shells. Turning back Luke saw her by the waters as he ran to her like an excited little kid. "Here...some more for you." he didn't wait for her to hold out her hand as he opened the knit bag she dangled across her shoulders where it hung on her hips. "Hey, where's the big sea shell?" he asked when he didn't see it. She wasn't holding onto it.
"Uh...I don't know. Didn't you have it?" when he gave her a stern look and stood up to look for the shell. She began to sneak away further down the beach.
"Hey! Its right here!" he picked up the shell and waved it in the air. When he turned around, she was a few yards down the beach. Quickly running up behind her "Hey! Where do you think you're going?" he put his hands on his hips.
"Im sorry, do I know you?" she gave him a puzzled look.
"Very funny. You know me...the guy that helped you pick about 1000 shells earlier? I never even got a thank you." she was teasing him and he knew it. Dropping the big shell into her purse.
"No one was helping me. I think you got the wrong person." she began to walk away.
"Hey, my name is Luke, by the way." he was late for his dinner appointment with his friend. So he didn't have time to continue their little game. "What's yours?!" he screamed out when they were too far apart.
"Ellie!" she cried out, never turning her head around.
'Ellie' he smiled to himself. 'A cute name for a cute gal.'
The two met at the beach again the next weekend. It was by accident but it seemed like it was planned. This time, they were even more comfortable with each other as they talked more and he told her about his job and she told him about hers. Within a another week, she had invited him into her home. Showing him the unfinished shell chimed that she talked about. He was amazed as he gushed over her work "This is absolutely beautiful!! I must...must have it!" he turned to her. Not expecting her to say yes to his question.
"Sure, after Im done." she got up to pour him a cup of tea.
"You're serious? I was just kidding you know." his eyes were wide opened with surprise.
"I know you were. But Im serious. You gave me that..." she pointed to the big shell which was now displayed over the television. "its only fair that I give you something else."
"But you had to take time to make this. You won't feel bad about giving it to me?"
"No...of course not!" she enjoyed giving her little creations away more than making them. Its always nicer to have someone appreciate it then for her to leave it in her closet or something.
"Well, hurry up. I wanna hang it on my balcony!" he teased.
They went out to dinner a few times a week as both began to get use to each other. She couldn't possibly get involved with this guy because of the baby inside of her. Her stomache was going to get big pretty soon and she would finally have to tell him about the baby. Luke grew more attached to Ellie as they spent more time together. He noticed her tummy getting bigger but he figured that was because of all the restaurant hopping they did throughout the week.
After another month, he knew she was pregnant. It wasn't possible for a girl to grow bigger on her stomach and not anywhere else. He decided to ask her when he was over at her apartment washing the lettuce for the salad, they were going to eat it with spaghetti. "Hey, you ever gonna tell me about the father? Or are you planning to suprise me on our wedding day?" his humorous personality was so touching at times. They often joked about marriage because they saw each other more then their friends did.
She giggled lightly "Actually, I was waiting for the baby to tell you himself."
"So its a boy?" he raised his eyebrows.
"Yup, I found out the other day." she sighed. He sensed it wasn't meant to be funny.
He stopped washing the lettuce as he turned to her. "Look Ellie, I don't know what happened, but I assume the father left you. So if you need any help, I will be more than happy to help you out." he was being so sincere. But it was more out of guilt from the time he raped that poor girl. He never did stop searching for her, but he didn't know where to start. He would just stand in front of her apartment building hoping to remember that night. But he was too drunk to even remember her face.
"The father did leave me." she turned away from him so he couldn't tell that she was lying. He had a special skill she called 'seeing through someone'. "But I don't care. I still want this baby." her voice sounded a little harsh.
Luke immediately sensed it in her voice as he took a hold of her slim shoulders and spun her around "Ellie, Im serious. If you need someone there, for the baby or for you. I will be here." he said it firmly. "You cannot deny the fact that we have something going on. Don't tell me you didn't feel a little jealous when I checked out that girl on the beach earlier."
She smiled as she recalled the little incident. She was so upset that she embarrassed him pretty bad. "Yeah, that girl believed me though. Too bad it scared her away." she shrugged her shoulders.
"You told her I was gay and that she could turned me back to normal!!" thinking about it made his face turned red with embarrassment.
"Fine, yes, we have some sparks, but it doesn't make it okay for you to take the responsibility while that jerk ra...ran away." she stopped herself in time. If he knew she was raped, he would leave her.
"But I want to." he insisted.
It made Ellie more suspicious. "Why are you so persistant in helping me? Are you ever going to tell me about your ex girlfriend?" She was getting upset again. She remembered asking him about his past love life and he blew up at her saying it was none of her business. That was over a month ago but she was patient enough to wait for him to come around.
"I don't want to talk about it." his voice was calm but she knew he was upset.
"Okay." she held up her hands in defense. "Fine."
That little argument ended but the grudge was still remembered. For the next few months, Ellie went to the doctors and Luke would always appear by her side. Even when she asked him not to come. Although deep down she knew his support was exactly what she needed. He even went with her to the breathing classes for pregnant women. Their tension slowly burning away as they began to enjoy each other's company again.
A few weeks later, Luke made up his mind to tell Ellie about Ah Kwan. It was time, their relationship was too deep to leave her out. He brought it up at dim sum at a crowded restaurant. "I want to take you somewhere." he said through the noise.
She looked up in confusion "What?" she cried out.
Shaking his head as he said "I'll tell you later!"
After they finished eating, they took a cab to the cemetary on the hill. Helping her walk up the steps as he led her to his ex-girlfriend's grave. "Why did you take me here?"
"You wanted to know about my ex-girlfriend didn't you?" Stopping in front of her grave as he pointed "This is Ellie Lee. She's my new girlfriend." he smiled proudly "And this?" he rubbed her round belly "This is her son. But Im going to play the part of the father until she finds a replacement."
Ellie smiled at him as she looked down into the grave for the first time. "Lam Hao Kwan?" something familiar about the name gave her chills. "How did she die?"
"It was a car accident." he explained what happened. Still to that day, he couldn't help but feel responsible for her death.
"Honey, its not your fault, its not like you wanted her to die. Its all in the hands of God. Don't blame yourself, God knows you've been doing it for too long." she smiled comfortingly at him. "What do you call her?" she didn't know why asked that but it kinda came out.
"Ah Kwan." he looked nervously at her grave as he knelt down "Im sorry. Ive taken so long to come and visit you. But since that day...I couldn't face you anymore. Ellie, Ive never told you this but I raped a girl about 7 months ago. I didn't mean for it to happen but it did and now I can't even find her to apologize. Im sure she wouldn't want to see my face again." he stopped when he realized he was rambling on and on. Looking up at Ellie, he noticed her face turned pale. "You okay?" he was instantly by her side.
She felt her heart skip a beat when he said that name 'Ah Kwan'. She was in total shock. Here was the greatest guy in the world in her eyes. He turned out to be the guy that took her through three whole months of torture. "You...you?"
He looked at her with full concern. She was taking it a lot harder then he imagined. But it was a normal reaction when you found out your boyfriend raped someone. "Im sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you. I couldn't even handle the situation correctly and I just didn't want you to be upset." reaching out for her hands but she quickly pulled away.
"You! You were the guy that raped me?!" it finally came out. She backed away from him as she shook her head "I can't believe this."
"What are you talking about?" he suddenly counted the months. She was about 7 months pregnant, but she said the father left her. "You lied about the father leaving you?" he asked.
She continued to back away, still in shock. Not realized that she was about to topple over the edge of the walkway. There was no bar to lean on. Suddenly her foot slipped against the moist dirt as she screamed out "Ahhh!!"
His reaction was quick as he reached around her waist with his long arms and pulled her in safely. "Ellie, are you okay?" he asked in concern.
She pushed him away "Get away from me!" turning around as she walked quickly down the steps. He knew she was too upset to talk to him. She needed time to think it over.
After a few weeks of not hearing from her, he began to worry. What if she left again? He tried calling her home but he would catch the machine instead. He must have left about 100 messages by now. After a long day of work, he decided to go to the beach for a walk. He stood there as he remembered that day he officially met her. She looked so adorable in her tshirt and jeans. Her home was only across the street. Turning around to see if she was home, he noticed the curtains covering the window. There was no one there. He got up and walked across the street to the apartment. He knocked on the door carefully, but no one answered. Reaching under the mat for the spare key, but she had taken it away knowing that he knew exactly where it was. He stood up and tried the doorknob, it was open. Turning it slowly as he looked inside. There were colorful balloons all over the ceiling and the room was lit up with tiny candles placed everywhere. The scent of lilac filled the air as he looked at the flowers in the vases placed neatly on the floor.
She appeared by the bedroom doorway. Her tummy well rounded, she was dressed in a maternity red velvet shirt. With her black slacks, she looked great. Smiling as she walked over to him "I know you didn't want it to happen this way. But I'd like to throw in my own touch."
He looked at her confused "You forgive me?" he was sure she wouldn't want to see him ever again.
"If I didn't, you be dead right about now." she took his hand in hers as she knelt down on one knee.
He quickly knelt down to where she was "What are you doing?" he pulled her up.
"You can't even let me do this?" she laughed as she let him help her up. Her knee was hurting too much.
"Its my job." This time he knelt down "You know I never knew that I could possibly love anyone more than Ah Kwan. I know there's no excuse for my behavior that night. But I was so drunk and I missed her terribly. I dranked til I couldn't see anymore. Until you came in the bar. When I squinted my eyes, you looked exactly like Ah Kwan. But then again I was drunk. And you ended up living in the exact same apartment as Ah Kwan did. I made myself believe that she wasn't dead and that she was right in front of me. I tried to find you and let you turn me into the police. But when I came up with enough nerves to face you, you were long gone. I know Im a coward and I won't be mad if you think Im scum. But Ellie, that day on the beach when we first met. I couldn't help but forget my worries for that whole 15 minutes and I realized it was because of you. I never did believe in love at first sight, but I found myself gushing over you to my co-workers the next day. They all laughed at me saying that I was in love but I knew it couldn't be after meeting you for 15 minutes?! I was a believer the second time we met, it was like your face was imprinted in my mind. Maybe its all fate, I really don't know. But Im positive, with all my heart that I want to marry you."
Tears slipped slowly from her face as she watched him pull out a ring from his pocket and put it on her fourth finger. "When did you get this?" pulling up her hand to admire the rock.
"You won't believe me." he smiled "I bought it the first day I met you. I know you probably thought it belonged to Ah Kwan but after she died, I threw the ring into the ocean. I couldn't bear to return it. It had a special meaning. Just like this ring does." he stood up as he embraced her "You didn't answer me yet."
"I had alot of time to think for the past few weeks. It was the hardest days that I had to live. I missed you so much that I cried for hours. But I was still mad about the situation. In the end, my thoughts cleared up and I asked myself 'Do you love him?'. My answer was so quick that it scared me. It was yes. I planned this for days." she looked around the beautiful decorated room. "I heard your messages, all 84 of them. Yes, I counted."
"So..." he was still waiting for her magical words.
"So yes, my answer is yes. How obvious do you want it to be?" she giggled as he picked her up and quickly dropped her on the couch.
"Oh my gosh, I'll do that when you lose the baby." he pretended to hold his back in pain. They giggled like little children as he hugged her affectionately.
Their wedding was sweet and simple, they didn't want to wait for the baby to be born so they got married within 5 days of the engagement. She was close to 9 months pregnant when they walked down the aisle. Her tummy fully developed as she wore her white wedding gown. They didn't care what gossip would start, they were getting married.
Ellie gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They named him Angel for he was the gift that binded them together. Luke stopped visiting Ah Kwan's grave after the wedding ceremony. Not because he wanted to forget about her, but because he had finally let go of the past. She would always have a peice of his heart, there was no doubt. But Ellie had the rest of his heart, he wanted to be the most devoted husband and father.
**Sometimes life can seem a little ruthless, but if you keep your chin up. The sun is bound to shine at you some time in your life.**
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