~ Zachary ~
~ Jacob ~
~ My Angels ~
Zac and Jacob were wonderful babies, they were the greatest children a mom could ever want.Not only were they quiet but they were always happy even as Jacob got older he usually had a smile on his face.
Zac and Jacob were not your ordinary heathy children, though on the outside they appeared just fine, they had a terrible heart disease, and at times their oxygen saturation ran in the 40's-60's, of course neither child let it show, they continued to remain happy most the time.
When I was told when I got pregnant with Jacob he would not have this heart disease cause there was only a 3% chance out of 100%, inside I just knew and when that ultrasound confirmed I was correct, that Jacob had this same heart disease, I went home and cried, and kept asking God why.I was so upset I cried for 3 days and was so scared Jacob would not make it past infancy.
I was so happy when Jacob lived past infancy, he was such a strong little guy, but I knew each day was a blessing to have him. I did have him for 3 wonderful years and am very thankful for that, but I will be the first to admit that each day is a battle for me, I wake up in the morning and sometimes do not want to face the day without my angels here with me.
Although my boys had this horrible heart disease that took thier life's, I am greatful I still had them this heart disease did not make them different really it made them special.They could do anything a healthy child could do.
I think it is amazing how much strength a child has, they dont complain often of thier heart disease or cancer, or any medical problem, they are usually happy and take it day by day.
Losing my children had been the most horrific experience of my life, I think my strength comes from knowing they are in a place of no more pain, and even though it is hard to face the days ahead, I know my daughter needs me and i take it day by day, but if I said the pain goes away, I would be lying as it never goes away, just with time it gets easier to go on I think. Though that does not mean I do not pray for one more day with my children to hold them and hug them and tell them I love them. I think many parents would admit that they ask for that one more day with their child.
I have had so many people tell me how strong I am and how well I am doing and sometimes I just want to cry and say I am not as strong as you think for I think about my kids every day and cry, I miss my children like crazy and it hurts.
When a child passes, it is so difficult, after all, our kids are suppose to out live us, the parents, and as I said the pain will always be there, it just gets easier with time to deal with. I am by far a medical expert on grief, but after losing 2 children would say I have been down that rocky road first hand, and if I could offer any advice for parents who have lost a child, I would just say, take it day by day.
My 2 angels were the world to me and not a day passes I dont think of them and want to be with them.They were (are) so very special to me and my heart will always hold a place for them. I am glad they were my son's and I know one day I shall be with them again.
~ In Memory of Zachary and Jacob Oakes ~
~Site Map~
