The ineffable joy of forgiving and being forgiven forms
an ecstasy that might well arouse the envy of the gods.
Elbert Hubbard
Ritual of Forgiveness
There comes a point in time when you realize that life has not gone the way you wanted. Your job sucks. Maybe you cut someone off and felt bad about it. You should have gotten the paperboy a gift for Yule. Why did you forget that co-worker's birthday?? Why can't I get out of this rut? You should have finished that project you started last year. You should have...you should have...you should have....
After a while, all that beating up of your soul has got to hurt. Each bruise, each thump against it drags you down like an albatross around your neck. You feel heavy. You feel tired. You just...don't feel at all maybe. It is time to let that albatross go. After all, if you were drowning...wouldn't you drop everything to rise back to the surface to get air? I know I would!
I created this ritual one day when I realized that while I try to forgive everyone around me...I had forgotten the most important person of all. Me. Yeah, me. I kept telling myself that I wasn't perfect. That I was only human. That life isn't fair. But I never believed myself when I said it. Then one day, when I felt so awful that I dragged myself home with a headache, an eye twitch, and barked at my family I realized something had to give. And that something was the anger at myself. Really really REALLY let it go. I had to forgive myself and believe it. Deep down. Really and truly believe it. So I thought about it and this is what I came up with.
At first I was going to call this page the Ritual for Forgiveness, but I realized that implied that I had to ask someone to forgive myself. Well, that defeats the purpose of this whole ritual doesn't it? That one little word "for" gave the impression that penance would be needed somehow versus just allowing myself to realize that I have suffered enough and to let go. This is the one moment of time where I was going to allow myself to forgive myself and not ask absolution from someone else. And so I changed the semantics of the name of the ritual. Subtle, but an important point in my mind.
Now that I have done this ritual, I can tinker with it as I feel the need...like when I do it in conjunction with Samhain (a time of looking back over the old year and preparing for the new). I will add incense, soft music or whatever. I will write out and then burn my doubts and fears as part of that ritual. But the very first time should always be just you. No props, just you.
 The time for this ritual is when you realize you need it. And believe me...you will know.
Pick a day, any day. Any time of day, 4pm is just fine. It has to be when you feel you need this, not when the moon is "just right" or some such. If you are starving, you don't wait for the perfect time to eat do you? You just do it!
You can choose to cast a circle, but you already are the sacred space. The first time I did this I used nothing but myself. No incense. No candles. No paper, pens, matches, music. In fact, it is best to have nothing that would distract you from this. Turn off the tv, phone, radio and computer. Find a quiet spot. The point of this is to throw your soul a life jacket so find a place to do this...but if one of your stressers is your trashed living room then just shove some stuff on the floor and sit down on the couch. If you are starving, do you clean your fridge first or just eat?
Now, the whole point of this exercise is to be honest with yourself. No delusions. No blame. Honesty. I forced myself to look down into my soul and clean out some cobwebs. It was not pretty. It was not fun. But it was necessary. You have to dredge up everything, so you might want to do this in stages. I don't have horrid things in my past that need a therapist, so I will assume you do not either. If you do, then get a therapist since some things cannot be handled by just you!
Okay. Now it's time. Sit. Center yourself. Look within. And tell yourself honestly why you are mad/sad/livid/stressed/upset/tired/fed-up/cold/hiding/irate/pissed at yourself. Be brutally honest. But it has to be about you. Not that some friend has better stuff than you and you are jealous. Unless that jealousy is ruining your friendship and you want that jealousy to stop. It's all about you baby...take off the rose colored glasses and really see what is hiding inside. List it off the cuff, then sit and think of more. Dig deep, don't be shy. Remember, you have to clean out the wound before it can heal. Cry. Pace. Rant and rave. But be honest. Yeah, I was in tears. Sobbing. But if I can do it, you can too. Eveything you wish you did differently. Everything you wish you could change. All of it. Take as long as you need. Then. and only then. When you run out of things to say about yourself. Sit back down. Wipe your eyes. Sniffle a bit....Look within. And forgive yourself. For all of it. Every last stinking bit of it. No qualifiers. No hedging. Just simple forgiveness. That's it. Let it alllllll go. Forgive yourself for just being you. Say it, "I forgive myself". Mean it. Believe it.
When you belive it, sit for a bit. Relax. That was rather draining wasn't it? But you feel better now. You feel stronger now. A bit tender inside, but at least you can see the light within again. Take back your strength. Take back your joy of life. Take back all that is good within you. When you are ready, get up and go back to living your life secure in the belief that you can choose now to live life happily.
To flip through the pages of my BOS faster...
|
Brightest of Blessings