"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window."
Stephen King
Super Pagans
Is there such a thing as a "Super Pagan"? You know, one of those ultra Pagans...who has ALL the books, All the crystals and All the answers? Or are we really looking to the wrong image to guide us? Drawing on my Christian heratige, I remember hearing stories and seeing representations of Saints. These were people who went above and beyond the calling of their faith and became symbols of what the ultimate Christian should become. They would become the standard others could aspire to. As a child, I always wanted to become one of these wonderful people. Heaven must be extra special to these people. The world must be extra wonderful. I realize now I could never aspire to become one of these exhaulted individuals. I doubt too much, and question everything else and know that the Christian God takes a very dim view on those who questioned him. I have left this old faith and went on to establish a new one. But the lingering doubts remain.
When I first started this new spiritual path, I tried to read everything I could. I became a Pagan sponge, sucking out every kernal of information I could from as many sources possible. I pondered over every sentance, wondering if this person knew just what was really expected of me. I keep searching for the answer to "Why", even though I know it to be "because". I wonder if I really need to go dance under the stars and find that lightning struck log for an outside altar, or if as an apartment Witch I am still a "Pagan" and entitled to the Gods/Goddessess attention. Is there such a thing as a Super Pagan? Or is it all 6 of one and 1/2 dozen of another. This is the all-encompasing question I have to answer for myself.
I begin with looking through all the popular authors. Starhawk. Cunningham. They all give what I need to do, but do not always answer "why". Crystals and herbs seem so wonderful to use, and have their own spiritual behaviors but why do I not want to always use them? I would much rather search out the blue of the sky, the inky blackness of the night, the yellows and reds of fall leaves and feel the noon-time sun on my face. I mean...that is still Pagan stuff...right? To me it is, and no ritual I have done can compare with the chill morning air of fall, or the first snow of winter. These seasons that surround us...are the ultimate grand rituals. What better way to greet the Horned God than to say "Good Morning" to the sun? How about telling the full moon how lovely She looks this evening? What about picturing the Dawn as a beautiful young women dressed in rose and gold who playfully chases away the night and leads morning into view? Are these not the ultimate expression of Divinity?
I do not have all the answers, and I still have to face the facts I cannot remember what color candle to use when seeking answers. I do know I use rose quartz for peace and white candles encompass all the other colors. I have wondered if the Gods roll their eyes when I grab that white candle, and smirk that I am not using a new one and am instead relighting an old one. I feel a pang that I may not be "worthy" in some unknown way. Then I see the blueblue afternoon sky. I see the silver moon. I taste wonderful wine or eat fresh bread. And I realize I am being foolish. I realize I am sending my petty concerns onto the Gods. And they don't play that game. They care beyond human concerns and petty feelings. They want me to succeed, using whatever method will work for me. They know my body is temporary and that my soul shines in a light more blinding than the summer sun, and wait patiently for me to realize this.
Super Pagans DO exist, but not in the form I was always searching for. They exist as the leaders of the Pagan community as well as those who perform no ritual and simply admire the setting sun. They are in apartments, dorms and houses. Some camp outside so they can see the stars overhead, while others worship away from the bugs and instead pull out coffee tables. Six of one and half-dozen of the other. Each recieves their God/Goddess' blessings because these people believe in what they are worshiping. To all those who memorize what colors to use and which crystal, I am in awe. I am lucky to remember my phone number. BUT! I know that we are worshiping as equals, each in our own way and that in my version, the Gods are thrilled to pieces that I question the "established order". I mean, after all, why else was I allowed to be here?
To flip through the pages of my BOS faster...
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Brightest of Blessings