Poems
Special Angels
There are special angels in Heaven
that are part of me.
It is not where I want them
but where God wants them to be.
They were here but just a moment
like a night-time shooting star.
And though they are in Heaven
they aren't very far.
They touched the hearts of many
like only angels can do.
I would have held them every minute
if the end I only knew.
So I send this special message
to Heaven up above.
Please take care of my angels
and send them all my love.
~Author Unknown~
What makes a Mother?
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God
today.
I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him
say.
A Mother has a baby this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother when your baby's not with
you?
Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their
choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need
to stay.
I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath, cleared his throat and then I saw a
tear.
I wish I could show you what your child is doing
today.
If you could see your child smile with other children
and say,
We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life
and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight
here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for
me.
I learned my lesson very quickly, my Mommy set me
free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep on her pillows where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in
her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.
So you see my dear sweet one your children are ok.
Your babies are here in my home and this is where
they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me until your lesson is
through.
And on the day that you come home, They'll be at the
gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling
in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of right from the start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with me one day, and know you're
the best one!
Please, see me through my tears
You asked, "How am I doing?"...
As I told you, tears came to my eyes...
You immediately began to talk again,
Our eyes looked away from me, your speech picked up,
And all the attention you had given me went away...
How am I doing?
I do better when people will listen to my response,
Even though I may shed a tear or two
For I so want their attention;
But to be ignored because I have in me a pain
Which is indescribable to anyone who has not been there...
I hurt and I feel angry.
So when you look away,
I am again alone with it...
Really, the tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They're just Nature's way of helping me heal...
They relieve some of the stress and sadness.
No, you're wrong...
The memory of my children's death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
It's just that my tears make my pain more visible to you...
But you did not give me the pain...it's just there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless?
You're not, you know.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
You've helped me more than you know.
You need not verbalize your support of my tears...
Your silences as I cry is my key...do not fear.
Your listening with your heart to
"How are you doing?" helps relieve the pain,
Because I allow the tears to come and go, I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases things I've been wanting to say aloud,
And then there's space for a touch of joy in my life.
Honest...when I tear up and cry,
That doesn't mean I'll cry forever - maybe just a minute or two
Then I'll wipe the tears away, And sometimes you'll even find me
Laughing at something funny ten minutes later.
When I hold back my tears, my throat grows tight,
My chest aches and my stomach begins to knott up...
Because I am trying to protect you from my tears...
Then we both hurt...Me, because I've kept the pain inside
And it's a shield against our closeness,
And then you hurt because suddenly,
We're distant.
Please, take my hand...and I promise not to cry forever...
(It's physically impossible, you know.)
When you see me through my tears...then we can be lose again.
You never said "I'm leaving."
You never said "Good-Bye."
You were gone before I knew it.
And only God knows why.
A million times I've needed you.
A million times I've cried.
If LOVE alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a special place,
no one can ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone.
For part of me went with you,
that day God called you home
~Author Unknown~
I never knew
I never knew what faith was,
till I had to live by it.
Because I lost you.
I never knew that what I believed could be so shattered.
Until I tried to pick up the pieces,
after you left.
I never knew that who I was and where I was going
could change so quickly,
because of broken dreams.
I never knew the grip of despair could hold so tightly,
and shake the core of my being.
Till you left me.. silently.
I never knew how profound silence could be,
till I spoke your name to friends and
no one said a word.
I never knew how long a night could be,
till your leaving left my body hungry for sleep
that just wouldn't come.
I never knew I could love so deeply,
and completely.
Because of your being.
Until I loved you,
I never knew.
written by Lori 2/9/99
The Cord
We are connected
my child and I
By the invisible cord
not seen by the eye
Its not like the cord
that's connected us 'till birth
This cord can't be seen
by anyone on earth
This cord does it's work
right from the start
It bonds us together
attached at the heart
I know that it's there
though no one can see
the invisible cord
from my child to me
The strength of this cord
it's hard to describe
It can't be destroyed
it can't be denied
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
can hold any weight
And though you are gone
though your not here with me
the cord is still there
But no one can see
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline
as never before
I am thankful that God
connects us this way
A mother and a child
Death can't take it away
~ author unknown ~
The Elephant in the Room
There's an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet, we squeeze by with, "How are you?" and "I'm fine"....
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything -- except the elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk.
It is constantly on our minds,
For you see, it is a very big elephant.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please, say their names.
Oh, please, say "Matthew, Trace and Bryce" again.
Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about their death,
Perhaps we can talk about their life.
Can I say "Matthew, Trace and Bryce" and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, you are leaving me
Alone... in a room... With an elephant.
By Terry Ketterling created using the name Barbara
Oh Mother, my mother
I touch your tears
Invisible fingers
Soothing your skin
I know you think of me often
In the day, in the night, in your dreams
Going into an empty nursery
Knowing I'll never be there
But I am . . . in your heart
In your soul, I shall always be
For you gave so unselfishly
Of yourself.
Inside of you, you created
Such a world for me
A world of laughter, of love
Of sadness, of sorrow
Every emotion people come to know
You shared with me.
And even though I may never
Feel your arms around me
I felt your heart beating,
Like a lullaby, singing me to sleep
And your spirit giving me a safe haven
Already protecting me
Nurturing me
Preparing me for things to come.
But sometimes the journey
Of life pulls souls apart
And yes, I had to go on
To another place.
I wish I could stay
I wish this were a decision
I could make
And I know you do too.
Know this wherever you are:
I will always remember
That yours was the first love
The first joy, the first soul
I will ever know
You gave me the courage to go on in my journey
I hope I can do the same for you
Your heartbeat will always
Call me to you.
Love - your child
~Author Unknown~
Links
Tyce Matthew's birth pictures
Tyce's first year of life
Tyce's first birthday
Matthew, Trace and Bryce
Triplets ultrasound pictures
