The Doll above is from: Expanding Your Imagi-Nation.com
Matt came out of the bathroom about 20 minutes later, wearing faded jeans and a white silk shirt, and found Angela at the window looking out at the rain, she was dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a gray WWE sweatshirt, her hair was pulled gently back and she looked sicker then she had minutes ago, her eye’s still puffy from tears. Matt was surprised to find Colleen sitting on the already made bed with Benny, who looked up at him as he appeared from the bathroom. “Morning Matt.” Colleen smiled as Matt grinned at her and pulled his long brown hair into a neat ponytail. Angela hadn’t moved and she made no acknowledgment of Matt’s presence. “Angela said you were going with her to the doctor.” Colleen said looking at Matt as he leaned against the back of the couch and nodded. “If she still wants me too.” Matt said softly as Colleen smiled at him. She sighed glancing in Angela‘s direction and raised her eye brows, obviously clueless to the bit of a disagreement they had had earlier. “I’m gonna take a ride up to the mall today, to do some shopping, I’ll be back to make you both some dinner. Your dad said he wouldn’t mind looking after Benny for the day, I’m gonna go drive Benny over to your dads now then.” Colleen smiled at Matt, and went to speak quietly with Angela. Angela still didn’t move but she smiled a bit at Colleen and Colleen touched Matt’s arm calling to Benny as she turned to leave. Matt glanced after her as Benny obediently followed. Matt frowned staring down at the floor as he waited and after a moment he heard the front door open and close, and he knew they were alone once more. Matt didn’t know what more to say to her. “We better go.” Matt said softly as he watched Angela who just continued to stare out into the gloomy rain. Matt stared at her a long time and knew he wasn’t mad at her he was just at a loss and he hated seeing her so hurt and confused. Matt frowned as he moved over towards her. “Ang you gotta talk to me….. you can’t shut me out like this… you gotta tell me what I need to do to help you through this thing!” Matt urged as he wrapped his arms around her and felt Angela’s tense stance crumble immediately and felt her relax into his arms. “Just hold me Matt…Just hold me!” Angela whispered desperately as she turned and snuggled into his arms. Matt held her gently as she looked up at him not knowing anything else to say. “I love you so much Matt……. I love you and I‘m sorry!” Angela whispered as Matt smiled and leaned down and kissed her lips softly. Matt couldn’t help but wish she weren’t sick because he knew if she weren’t he would do much more then just kiss her…. Things he longed so badly to do with her. He sighed holding her gently as he slowly kissed her more deeply incredibly happy suddenly that she was still here! That she was alive! “I love you baby…..” Matt whispered hugging her as he kissed her again gently. *** Matt’s mind wandered, his thoughts threatening to consume him. He knew he was worried and concerned. Angela had been pacing Dr. Burke’s office for the last 10 minutes unable to relax unsure of what news the doctor would bring when she came to see them shortly. “Angie babe relax.” Matt said softly trying to be assuring when he didn’t feel so assured that what the doctor would tell them next would be at all good. “Relax?” Angela repeated knowing she hadn’t been able to relax since the day she’d found out she had cancer. “Yes! Relax!” Matt said as he got to his feet and reached to pull her close to him. Angela didn’t protest but snuggled against him, “Thank you for coming here with me.” She said softly as she glanced up at him. Matt grinned, “I would have come with you whether you asked me too or not but your welcome.” Matt whispered holding her. She was shaking and Matt frowned trying to understand how nervous she herself must be. “Ang, whatever Dr. Burke tells us… its not gonna change anything okay? I’m not going back to work until your better! I don’t care what you say, no matter what argument you decided to use to try to get me to leave you again to go back to work, I won‘t go. Not this time! My jobs important to me, I love wrestling…but I also love you…. And I’m staying with you through everything, I won’t leave your side from here on out understand?” Matt promised staring down at her as Angela slowly smiled at him. “I don’t want you to sacrifice your own job because of me Matt!” Angela said softly touching his cheek. Matt sighed, “Vince already told me to take however long I needed. He wants me to be with you so you can get through this and get better and he expects you back in the ring as soon as you feel up to it!” Matt chuckled as Angela finally smiled. “Well I’m just as equally anxious to get back into the ring…” Angela admitted biting her bottom lip gently as she looked up at Matt. “I’m eager to see you back in the ring entertaining the crowd, and kicking some ass too!” Matt smiled as Angela blushed smiling at him. Matt grinned, “The only thing I wouldn’t look forward to would be the part where I’d have to go back to arranging to meet with you in a deserted hallway or in a dark corner in order to have a few precious moments with you! I hated the schedule we had, it was so hard to see you…. Now I can see you whenever I wanna…” Matt whispered as Angela smiled leaning over to kiss him softly. “I love you so much!” Angela whispered against Matt’s lips. Matt grinned kissing her softly back praying he‘d be able to kiss her everyday forever and not have to worry that at any moment he could loss her. Angela was pacing yet again a few minutes later when the door opened and Dr. Burke appeared smiling from each of them, as Angela came to sit in the chair beside Matt’s own. “Good morning.” The woman smiled as she looked from Angela to Matt. She was tall thin, red headed doctor with long hair, and she forever had a pleasant smile on her pale face. If she didn’t always wear a long white doctors coat she might have even vaguely resembled Lita. Matt grinned nodding at her as Angela reached for his hand. “Hi Dr. Burke.” Angela said softly, and Matt glanced over at her to see she was shivering. He sighed as he looked back to the doctor who seemed to be studying the two before her. Dr. Burke flipped open a folder and scanned the page quickly. “How have you been feeling Angela?” She asked closing the folder quickly and sitting back in her big desk chair her eye’s on Angela. Matt looked at Angela as she bit her lip shrugging, “The same, just tired, other then that I feel fine Dr. Burke.” Angela said softly. Matt couldn’t help but feel like Angela was waiting to hear the worst. Matt squeezed her hand gently trying to instill some sort of strength into her once again. He wanted her to have hope the way he did. Dr. Burke sighed throwing long red curls behind her shoulder as she looked from Matt to Angela again. “I supposed your both waiting to hear what we should do next?” Dr. Burke asked as Matt nodded and Angela let out a deep breath shaking her head obviously bracing herself for what Dr. Burke would say next. Dr. Burke sighed, “There’s no point in retrying chemo…. Your body’s obviously just going to refuse it.” Dr. Burke said as she opened the folder again and flipped through some papers before she folded her hands on the big desk in front of her and eye’d Angela. “I only have two options to offer and I doubt you’ll like either.” She said sighing as she watched Angela frown taking a deep breath. “What are the options?” Matt asked staring at Dr. Burke as he gently squeezed Angela’s hand again. Dr. Burke glanced at him and sighed sitting back again. “Well…. There are some experimental drugs we could try…. But there’s no promise any of them would stop, shrink, or not further spread the cancer…. So I think trying them seems like a waste of time.” Dr. Burke said clearing her throat as Angela rubbed her forehead and Matt nodded knowing it would be pointless to allow Angela to endure more pain when it wasn’t positive if a drug could help her. “What other option do we have?” Matt asked softly squeezing Angela’s hand as he glanced at her and then stared at Dr. Burke. She sighed frowning, “The only other option we have right now is surgery to remove the cancer and hope everything goes well! Without chemo, which isn‘t working the only way to save Angela‘s life is through this surgery which is risky in itself.” Dr. Burke said softly as Angela released Matt’s hand and moved over to the window staring out again into the rain. Matt stared at her a moment and frowned rubbing his own head. The silence was to intense and Matt let out a deep breath sighing as he looked back up to Dr. Burke. “What are the risks?” Matt asked softly. Dr. Burke stared at him and then glanced over to Angela who was still staring out into the rain. “There could be complications during surgery as with any operation… there’s no guarantee all the cancer would be removed, some could still be left behind, and she could possibly one day have a relapse….” Dr. Burke said softly. Matt was silent for a long time and then he glanced over at Angela whom he noticed was silently crying, tears silently ran down her cheeks, he frowned staring back to Dr. Burke, “By relapse you mean she could be at risk of having cancer all over again?” Matt asked staring at Dr. Burke who nodded gravely. Matt frowned rubbing his head, he was tired and at a loss. “We have no other options?” Matt asked staring at the woman. She sighed flipping through more papers, “Other then the drugs, which seems a ridiculous waste of time, surgery is all that we can do.” Dr. Burke said softly looking from Matt over to Angela at the wind. “What’s the chance that Angela gets cancer again?” Matt asked softly trying to consider everything. Dr. Burke cleared her throat. “I know your both obviously and rightfully so concerned, but fortunately Angela’s cancer was discovered fairly early, and she’s obviously a healthy woman to wrestle the way she does, her cancer hasn’t spread very much, and it’s mainly contained itself in one area, but it will slowly begin to kill her, chemo didn’t help her any it only aided in the cancer… if she doesn’t have the surgery…. The cancer could spread, and then it just a waiting game.” Dr. Burke frowned as Matt closed his eye’s and felt himself fight back a few tears of his own. “Then I guess I have little choice. Do I?” Angela whispered from the window and Matt looked over at her. “Ang are you sure you wanna go through with this?” Matt asked staring over at her. Angela shrugged, she was right she didn’t have much of a choice, Matt rubbed his head as Dr. Burke shook her head, “Are you sure Angela?” Angela looked down at the floor as she turned to stare at Dr. Burke. Then allowed her eye’s to linger on Matt‘s. “I have no other choice… if it can make all of this go away and make me better then the risks are something I’ll have to deal with when they come…. I have to do this.” Angela said softly as a tear fell from her eye’s and she quickly wiped it away staring at Matt, knowing he hated her tears. Matt sighed as he got up and pulled her close to him. Angela snuggled into Matt’s arms crying softly as she clung to him. Where would the future bring them? *** Around 4pm… Matt pulled the car into the driveway a few hours later, after he an Angela had, had a quite lunch at a café in town. Matt looked over at Angela who was staring out the window into the softly falling rain. “Come on, I’ll make you some coffee and put you to bed.” Matt said smiling at her as Angela grinned. Her surgery was scheduled for early next Friday morning and they had spent a good hour discussing the procedure with Dr. Burke earlier that day. Matt was going to do his best to make the next week the most wonderful week Angela would ever have, especially because it could be her last….. Once inside Matt locked the front door and hung up his leather jacket. Angela took off her wet shoes and left them by the door. She sighed looking around, as she leaned against the wall. Matt looked over at her studying her bleak sad expression. “What can I do to make you feel better?” Matt whispered still feeling at a loss willing to do just about anything to try to make her feel better, to take away the pain. Angela looked up at him grinning, she reached up and pulled her hair gently free as it fell around her. She grinned again walking towards the living room. Matt looked after her and sighed following her into the room. She collapsed onto the couch and closed her eye’s. Matt walked over and sat on the arm of the couch, the fire place was still burning brightly, and the flames were warm, they had been in the rain and were damp so the warmth felt good. Matt stared down at Angela as she stared into the flames. “Talk to me Ang.” Matt whispered as she looked up at him meeting his eye’s. “What do you want me to say Matt?” Angela asked softly watching Matt as he pulled his own hair free and ran his fingers through it. Matt shook his head as he got up and walked to the mantel leaning against it staring down into the flames. “Say anything for Christ sake…. I don’t know… I don’t know what you want me to do, I can’t try to help make you feel better if you don’t talk to me!” Matt said softly taking a deep breath frowning. “You really wanna know what you can do to make me feel better?” Angela asked staring at the dark shadow of Matt’s muscular back. “Yes!” Matt said as he turned and stared at her. Angela took a deep breath and got to her feet walking towards Matt, she stopped a few inches from him and look up into his eye’s. “Swear to me whatever I ask for you’ll do.” Angela whispered as Matt shook his head. “I won’t promise to marry anyone but you or anything like that Ang… I won’t!” Matt insisted staring at her as Angela grinned slowly. “I know that, so I’ll never ask again. You really wanna know what you can do to make me feel better?” Angela asked again softly. Matt nodded, “Yes.” Matt said softly staring down at her, her eye’s sparkling as the flames danced across them. Angela sighed, “Swear to me you’ll do whatever I ask!“ Angel said softly. Matt sighed, “Yes!” Angela shivered staring up at him, “Kiss me…” Angela whispered staring at Matt’s confused expression. “Kiss you?” Matt said staring down at her. Angela nodded, slipping her arms around his neck and moving to make the space between them disappear. “Kiss me Matt and don’t stop… keep going like nothing’s wrong, keep kissing me and continue and let everything else happen along with it… pretend I’m not sick! That’s all I want, I want you to make me feel normal, stop treating me like your afraid to touch me…. I ache for your touch so badly…” Angela whispered closing her eye’s a moment and then staring at him, “I need you! If you hurt me believe me I’ll tell you, I‘ll stop you, but your hurting me more by not daring too…. Kiss me Matt please and don’t stop!” Angela whispered snuggling against him as Matt stared down at her feeling incredibly excited by her urgent whisper, by what she wanted him to do, but still knowing how sick she was. Matt’s mind raced, he wanted her as he always did but she was very sick. “Ang,” Matt said softly taking a deep breath as he stared down at her, “Your sick, I don’t wanna do anything to hurt you…” Matt said softly meeting her eye’s. Angela frowned as she pulled away from him and walked towards the doorway. She glanced back at him and then turned and disappeared. Matt frowned he rubbed his head as he fell onto the couch. After a few moments he heard the bedroom door from upstairs slam shut. Matt rubbed his head and he laid back and closed his eye’s. Was he pulling away from her…? He loved her more then anything and now knowing that he might loss her soon made him love her more and more. Was she not talking to him about what she wanted him to do to make her feel better because he was pulling away from her? Was he purposely trying to keep his distance from her? Matt sighed heavily feeling himself explode with confusion. The last time they had slept together was the night she came home to tell him she had cancer, she had needed him so much and he wanted to make her feel anything but scarred. Matt’s mind raced and he thought about all the nights since then when he held her, he would hold her until she slept and then he’d pulled away knowing if he didn’t let her go he’d be tempted to wake her and do more then just hold her or kiss her. Angela was right he had pulled away from her. She was sick and he was afraid if he touched her he’d hurt her more which was the last thing he ever wanted to do. But what if that’s what she really needed? Matt felt so confused, there were so many emotions running through him all at once. Matt decided he had a lot of thinking to do. He went out onto the back porch and sat in the hammock for a while watching the rain, listening to sound of the distant waves beyond the grass of the yard as the waves beat against the beach onto the shore, the sound was relaxing, and it made all the thinking he was doing a little easier. Matt closed his eye’s and felt the breeze blow through his hair. Matt opened his eye’s at the sound of a nearby voice and the sound of a barking dog. He looked up to see Colleen leaning in the doorway from the kitchen. “How’d it go?” Colleen asked staring at him. Matt hadn’t heard Colleen’s van pull up the driveway, he was confused for a moment and then looked up at her, “How’d what go?” He asked staring at her as she reached to the side table and tossed a Frisbee out into the yard as Benny leaped down the back steps of the porch and raced after the Frisbee. Colleen glanced back at him as she watched after Benny, “Angela’s appointment, what did Dr. Burke say?” Colleen asked wondering what else he thought she’d be referring too. Matt nodded running his fingers through his hair, “Well,” Matt sighed frowning, “She has to have a complicated surgery next Friday to try to remove the caner, Dr. Burke said there‘s no point retrying chemo.” Matt said softly feeling sick at the reminder of the surgery scheduled for the following week. Colleen frowned, as Benny came back up the steps and dropped the wet Frisbee onto the porch. Colleen sighed as she reached down and tossed it out again as Benny took off after it. “How’s she taking it?” Colleen asked as she shut the sliding glass door and sat in a chair beside the hammock. Matt sighed, “Better then I think I would be. But she was pretty upset” Matt said softly as Colleen grinned. “Where is she, asleep?” Colleen asked staring at Matt. Matt sighed again, “I don’t know she got mad at me earlier and went upstairs and I had a lot of thinking to do, so I didn’t go after her, I don’t really know what she’s doing, she could be asleep, but I doubt it. I don‘t know what to do anymore, I‘m so confused.” Matt said running his fingers through his hair. Colleen sighed as Benny came back and she took the Frisbee from him and tossed it again as he took off once more. Colleen watched after him knowing that they hadn’t seemed very unhappy earlier this morning with each other and it didn’t seem like it was any better now. “Anything you feel like talking about?” Colleen asked softly glancing up at Matt. Matt sighed grinning at her, “Too much.” Matt said softly lying back as he watched the rain continue to fall. Colleen smiled as she looked around the yard. “You should go talk to her you know.” Colleen said softly as Matt looked over at her and sighed. “Yeah, I know.” Matt mumbled frowning, knowing Colleen was right. They sat silently for the next few minutes and Colleen sighed, “Well I have a date tonight, have you and Angela eaten yet?” Colleen asked as Matt looked over at her and laughed amused. “You have a date?” Matt asked sitting up as Colleen blushed. “Yes I have a date, you make it sound like it’s an impossible thing to have happen!” Colleen smiled as Matt grinned. “Who is he” Matt asked as Benny came over and Matt took the Frisbee throwing it far out into the yard as Benny barked and darted back into the lawn after it, rain pouring down on him. Colleen smiled, pushing long strands of curly brown hair behind her ears, “His name is Peter…. I meet him at the hospital when I took Angela there on Saturday, he’s a nice guy, very cute…. I was upset because I was scarred not knowing what was wrong with Angela and he was nice and he’d was trying to comfort me. We’re going out to dinner. I was just gonna change and cook for you two and then go out.” Colleen said as Matt’s smiled widened. “You haven’t wanted to go out with anyone since your divorce from Joe!” Matt said teasingly. Colleen sighed, “I know but, I just figured now that your home, you’ll be here with Angela and I can spend one night having a nice fancy dinner with a handsome, and sweet guy.”Colleen said smiling at him, “I have to move on at some point anyways!” Colleen added staring out after Benny. Matt chuckled, “Is he picking you up? I wanna meet him!” Matt said smiling. Colleen smiled, “No, he’s working late, I’m meeting him at Monty’s for dinner.” Colleen said staring at Matt smiling. “Ohh Monty’s this is serious!” Matt said chuckling. Colleen grinned, “Tease all you want!” Colleen laughed smiling at him. Matt grinned, “I think that’s cool that you meet a nice guy, Angela and I will be fine, I hope you have a really good time.” Matt said smiling. “You don’t want me to cook?” Colleen asked staring up at Matt. Matt grinned, “Nah, that’s okay, we’ll be fine, go get changed and have a nice night.” Matt said smiling as Colleen grinned and got to her feet. “You know I’m around if you do feel like talking.” She said softly looking back over her shoulder at him. Matt sighed grinning, “Yeah I know, thanks. Now I expect you to be home no later then midnight and no kissing!” Matt said is his best father voice teasing her more. Colleen laughed, rolling her eye’s as she slid open the door and smiled back at him, “You better go talk to Angela.” Colleen said softly. Matt sighed thinking for a moment and then nodded as he smiled up at her, “Yeah I know….. Have a good time.” Matt said smiling at her as she stared at him a moment and disappeared inside leaving him to his thoughts. Matt sighed lying back down as he thought of how to approach Angela now. Benny came back and apparently was tired out and he dropped the wet Frisbee onto the porch, shook his golden fur out, and laid down, stretching himself out. After a while Matt went inside and opened a can of dog food and feed Benny some dinner. He went into the living room and noticed that Colleen was just pulling out of the driveway to go meet her mystery man. Matt grinned it was nice that she found a guy who from what she had told him seemed like a great person. Matt paced a while staring into the flames debating what he should do now. He stopped and stared into the flames for a long time… Angela’s word’s echoing in his ears, “….pretend I’m not sick! That’s all I want, I want you to make me feel normal, stop treating me like your afraid to touch me…. I ache for your touch so badly…!” then for her to say that, “….If you hurt me believe me I’ll tell you, I‘ll stop you, but your hurting me more by not daring too….!” Matt frowned, he always wanted her, whenever he looked at her he had to fight the urge to grab her and have his way with her… but it was different now, she was sick, he didn’t want to hurt her. What if he gave in to the temptation and it hurt her and she needed him to stop… what if he couldn’t? Matt felt confused, he closed his eye’s knowing he ached for her just as much as she had said she ached for him, if he hurt her she’d make him stop, he’d have to make himself stop, but he realized he was hurting both of them by not touching her at all… he wasn’t helping her by pulling away from her, especially when she needed him the most…. Matt sat for a few more minutes arguing and reasoning with himself and then he sighed decided the hell with it, she made him swear he’d do whatever she asked, and he hadn’t. he had lied. He had to make it up to her. He sat for a few more minutes and sighed, smiling, an idea of just how to make everything right again stirring in his mind as he returned to the kitchen. *** Angela was sitting by the window fresh tears falling down her face as she started out into the rain. Matt wasn’t coming…… She had watched Colleen come and go…. Where was she going? It had been almost over 3 hours since she had fled from the living room angry with Matt for not wanting her, angry at herself for needing him the way she always seemed too. It wasn’t that she had expected him to come flying after her, but she had hoped he’d come, if for nothing more but to simply hold her. But what was she really angry about? She knew she could never really be angry at Matt. She was angry because she should have known it was typical for her to finally find happiness to have it fade away in a mere few months due to a horrible set of circumstances she couldn’t even control or prevent. She was angry because she had cancer and because she was sick and because she didn’t want to die, she wanted to live and be with Matt forever and it just wasn’t fair!
