The Ringmaster
In life's journey, many want to understand as part of healing as we grow and progress exactly what lessons we are here to learn as part of addres-sing-life. One way to do this is to look for overall central themes that occur repeatedly. We all have these themes if we will only take the time to look.
I had long forgotten this story. Remembering it was important to bring some level of peace to me amidst the chaos and apparently unrelated events of a lifetime and those apparently unrelated events which seemed to escalate in frequency and sometimes even in severity.
The tool that brought the memory to the fore was at a meeting where I had my first, albeit elementary, introduction to hypnosis many years before I met Richard Zarro and learned about Holographic Hypnosis and Futureshaping, his trademarks.
I am, as a microcosm, only a reflection of the macrocosm, or the events of the planet, universe and so-on.
It was the end of my Kindergarten year. Our class was going to put on a program with the first grade in the small suburban public school within walking distance of where I lived. The program was to be a circus, complete with clowns and animals played and dressed up for the roles by various students. In short, all the acts one would expect to see at a major circus held, when I was growing up, under the big top.
Me? I wanted to be an elephant. I have no idea to this day why that role so fascinated me. All I remember is that was where I believed I belonged and I remember how fervently I wished I would be chosen to to play that magnificant, intellegent animal. Looking back, I realized I coveted that role! (Sometimes when retelling this story, only remembered about 15 years ago while I was first learning about hypnosis and experiencing my first "regression" and I'm now 64+, I jokingly comment perhaps that is the reason I am considered "overweight").
No, that was not to be as the elephants had been chosen and the teacher was choosing other roles. As I remember the events, I remember how terribly hurt and disillusioned I was from this chain of events.
Eventually, everyone but me was chosen for some important part of the circus. I saw my teacher looking around and reading all the signs that had been handed out as the individual roles were "awarded". I had no sign to proudly display.
Then, as if by sudden revelation, my teacher realized there was no ringmaster. I, who had not been previously chosen, would become the ringmaster. How disappointed I was. Oh, well, at least I would be a part of this important project. At that age and full of disappointment, I did not realize the importance of the ringmaster to the circus.
The ringmaster announces each act as it appears in the center ring. The ringmaster has a director's role and determines what one will see, much as the director does of a play or movie, how the individual roles and even the story will be played out.
After many rehearsals, that fateful anticipated day arrived and the next day Summer vacation would begin!
All were in the costume of their part. I wore the the familiar tall, knee high black boots (the tops of which were made of cardboard or paper), white pants, a bright red sash around my waist, a white top and long-tailed jacket of bright red and the black top hat. I had also a makeshift "whip" much the same that is used to drive horses. It had a long handle and the "whip" was almost equally long. It was almost as tall as I was. I did not have to practice using it. It was only a prop to be held and not used. In fact, I suspect that the rope part had been fastened securely with tape to the handle so it could not be used.
"Ladies and gentlemen" I announced to the waiting audience, "in the center ring, are ...." and I would indicate, lions and tigers, acrobats, etc. Each act in turn was proudly announced in my "ringmaster" voice. I remember as I relived the memory actually thoroughly and increasingly confidently enjoying each successive announcement and my chance to step forward and be heard. Although I had no special tricks to perform such as the various acts, I was the only one visible in the total show and therefore had an important role!
At last, I heard myself expounding "Ladies and gentlemen, in the center ring appearing and performing for your pleasure are the elephants". To this day, almost 60 years later, I have no idea where the following thought came from. I remember lifting the whip in the direction of the elephants and directing them by moving the whip in a circular motion that I wished them to turn in a circle. I heard my teacher in an awed whisper tell the person standing next to her that this circular motion was not part of the show and "look, they are going in circles to her direction". I was elated.
The show was a success! I had had an important role. I might have been the last chosen, I still had learned I felt good in my role and about the recognition from the teacher.
And so my life has been. I am frequently the last chosen as a child in sports events, in this particular program, in most things in life as a matter of fact. I have fulfilled my "role here" and learned to be alone but not lonely most of my life. I have learned to ignore that others were chosen before me. I have been interested in many studies, have forsaken much that others commonly engage in to study and learn about "let go and let God" as is my birthright with five of the ten known planets in Gemini. I have learned that the Universe, God or whomever will do what is necessary for my dreams to be fulfilled. All I have to do, in some instances, is to ask. These lessons have not always been easily undertaken or understood at the time. I have not always succeeded in the manner I or others believe to be successful. However, I like to believe that some "higher" force whispered to me to move the whip in a raised circular fashion, causing the elephants to take their cue from me. I believe the lesson in life's lessons of this role is what the ringmaster means to the circus performance. Amongst other purposes, he calls your attention to what is occurring.
And so, I have learned to value at least that part of who I am. In sharing my story, my wish for you (a central theme of this website) is that you value who you are. I hope and pray we both succeed in this thought.
