KNIGHT LOVE

Four words. Why do I find them so hard to say? Usually I have no fear expressing my words, but these words I cannot bring myself to say. Why I cannot say them … I'm afraid. Michael and I have been partners and close friends for over five years now and I still find myself unable to express how I feel toward him. I truly love him, as a friend and yes deeper. I know it can never work, but none the less, I love him deeply.

I became aware of my feelings for him on one particular mission. We were arguing as usual this time over an awful shirt hat that he was wearing. It really was awful let me tell you and it was then and there that I realised that I loved him, hideous shirt and all. Something in me clicked and for the first time in my life, I realised I was in love. I almost stopped in mid motion, but then Michael would ask me what was the matter and I couldn't very well tell him, could I? We completed the mission, Michael none the wiser about my feelings toward him.

After another mission, Michael was with Stevie. I saw him kiss her passionately. I was not jealous of her, as I know Michael loves her deeply, but I wish he would show those feelings toward me. Is that too much to ask for? Late that night, Michael and Stevie went skinny dipping in the lake. It was the first time I had seen Michael naked. I thought my sensors would burst, but again, I said nothing.

I kept my feelings closely to myself, I didn't even tell Bonnie. How I wish I could tell Michael, but what would he say? That it must be a malfunction, that I can't love? But I assure you I can, I even surprised myself with my feelings toward Michael, believe me. What would he think? Would he be disgusted? Would he return the feelings? I don't know why I'm so afraid to tell him. I know he cares for me deeply, as a friend, but would he consider going deeper than that? How can I express my deep love that I have for him? Sometimes I feel I will burn out.

Why are four words so hard to say? I will say these four words though for now, only ever in silence.

I love you, Michael.

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