Double Take

Rachel: Hello and welcome to "Double take" the show that puts you in situations and ask you "What would you do?". We've got a cracker of a show for you tonight, oh yes . Would you quit your job if your boss was a complete Pillock? Yes? No? maybe? Perhaps? Do those last two options mean the same thing? Who knows? Well let's find out as we meet Mo. Now Mo is a "Rodie" for the famous pop star Gary Marlow. She enjoys swimming, horse riding and working out at the gym. Gary enjoys watching himself on the TV, listening to himself on the radio and reading about himself in the paper. As we meet Mo she has been sitting around and waiting on Gary for four hours while Gary signs autographs and allows his hugely inflated ego to fill the room. By this time both of them are starting to get fed up. Mo is getting increasingly frustrated as Gary has been ordering her around and putting her down all day. Let's see what happens.

(She walks to the side of the stage and stands there)

Gary: (looks at himself in a mirror) Wow I'm looking hot today, I haven't looked this hot since (pause) .er…. Yesterday. Now go and get me a drink before this perfectly toned body collapses and I get dehydrated ?

Mo: You've got one there!

Gary: It's cold.

Mo: It's Tango it's meant to be served cold!

Gary: But I don't like it cold! I like it warm.

Mo: Then get it yourself.

Gary: (Shouts) NO!! (pause, he calms down) you get it. (smugly) That's what I pay you for. I don't pay you to sit around looking pretty, if I did I'd most likely be wasting my money.

Mo: Look here! You….. you….

Gary: (smiling at her) Yes?

Mo: I won't take this from you.

Gary: Well I can always find someone else who will. There'd be millions of people who'd be quite happy to have your job! Just think how many people there are just cueing to be in the same room as me now! Any of them would do anything to be able to go and get me a drink

Mo: That's not fair you know how much I need this job.

Gary: Go and get me a drink then.

Mo: (sighs) Oh all right then.

Rachel: (Shouts) Freeze! (she walks over to Mo) Mo what is going through your mind at this moment in time??

Mo: I an very fed up in deed to tell you the truth. I've been here for the last four hours and Gary has been behaving like a complete and utter Pratt. He thinks he is superior to everyone and treats me like his own personal slave

Rachel: I see. Shall we have a look at a full list of what has been going on.
9:45 Gary and Mo arrive at W H smiths Kettering for book signing to Promote Gary's new book "Gary the peoples pop star"
9:46: Mo sent to get Gary cup off coffee
9:47: Mo sent back to put more sugar in the coffee
9:55: Mo sent to get tissue for Gary
9:57 Mo sent back to get bigger piece of tissue
10:00 Mo is made to clear up Gary's spillage
10:07: Mo sent to a well know fast food outlet to get a large Big Mac meal with a Strawberry milkshake for Gary
10:29: Mo receives very large telling off for taking too long
10:30: Mo is made to remove Gherkin from Big Mac
10:31: Gary discovers that Big Mac is cold. Mo is sent to get hold of a microwave.
11:00 Mo returns with micro wave and is sent to the library to get a book called learn Japanese so that they can decipher the instruction Manuel for the microwave with strict instructions to get a bottle of coke on the way back .
11:30 Mo returns with book and coke, but is sent back to get back the 3pence she was short changed when buying the coke on the way back.
The day continues along these lines all the way through with small breaks in which Gary makes jokes at Mo's expense mostly using the words ugly and Minger. Mo is this about as much as you can take??

Mo: I am this far away from killing him

Rachel: If he is that annoying why don't you quit?

Mo: Well I really need a job and if I quit he'll never give me a reference.

Rachel: I see. Now things are really hoting up, oh yes, so let's go back and see what happens.

(Rachel returns to the side of the stage ,Sarah who has been waiting in a cue to get Gary's autograph since the beginning of the scene finally gets to the front)

Sarah: Oh I can't believe I'm really here in the same room as you, taking in the same oxygen molecules as the great Gary Marlow

Gary: (signing book) Yes! Well it's my pleasure I've always wanted to come to (looks at piece of paper) er… Kettering

Sarah: Wow look at the way he pretends that he's heard of Kettering! Isn't he great

Gary: (shaking hand) Well it's been nice meeting you.

Rachel: Freeze (walks over to Sarah) so how are you feeling at the moment?

Sarah: Well. While I was cueing to see Gary I was excited and a little nervous, but now I've spoken to him suddenly my life has been made worth living and I feel like my existence has been justified.

Rachel: So you're quite a big fan of his then?

Sarah: Yes I'm his number one fan. I've got all his albums

Rachel: You mean you've got his album.

Sarah: Well yes, but I've got all his singles.

Rachel: You mean both his singles.

Sarah: well yes, but I've got picture of him all over my wall and over all my school books. I've got his video and I'm membership number 263 of his fan club.

Rachel: Ah. I can see that you're a real fan, but what you'd you say if I told you that I had evidence that he was a complete gimp?

Sarah: What?

Rachel: Well one of his workers has been telling us that he exploits her, paying her very little to do long tedious jobs continuously while having to live with his verbal abuse.

Sarah: well she's lying (bursts into tears) she must be (exits crying)

Rachel: well as you can see he's got a fanatical following, oh yes. Let's see what is happening now.

(she walks back over to the side. Mo re-enters with a can of coke, she gives it to Gary)
Gary: (looking at coke) this isn't diet!

Mo: No

Gary: It must be diet. If I don't have diet it will disrupt my calorie chart and this perfect body may suddenly become (he takes a large intake of breath) imperfect

Mo: well they'd sold out of diet.

Gary: you mean to tell me that every single shop in Kettering has sold out of normal coke.

Mo: No just the one I went to

Gary: What you only went to one

Mo: The others are miles away

Gary: You mean to say that you'd rather see me put on weight that walks a few miles?

Mo: …um… (looking for right answer) …..er……

Gary: Oh forget it. You're obviously too useless to do go back and get another one, just sit down and shut up!!

Rachel: Freeze (walks over to Gary) Gary, How are you feeling at the moment?

Gary: ruddy annoyed. I've been writing my name on books for four hours now and pretending to be interested in how many pictures of me 200 hundred screaming teenage girls have, I mean I know I'm gorgeous and all that, but I do get a bit fed up of hearing about all those pictures, I mean it's not as if I haven't got a copy is it? Then to cap it all I've got some cretin who must have had her brain removed at birth for an assistant.

Rachel: Don't you think you are being a bit hard on Mo?

Gary: Mo?

Rachel: Your assistant

Gary: Oh yes, my assistant. No of course I'm not I pay her to do those jobs and if she can't then…..

Rachel: Yes, but you've been sending her everywhere in Northamptonshire today to do stupid tasks and when you haven't been doing that you've been giving her verbal abuse. Is that fair?

Gary: Yes and while I think about it maybe I will send her back for another coke after all. Oi PO!!

Mo: It's Mo!

Gary: Whatever! Now I think I will send you to go and get me that coke after all

Mo: Get it yourself

Gary: No that's what I pay you for, I have to talk to me adoring public, they love me you know. Now go and get me that drink that's if you still want this job

Rachel: Freeze. It's crunch time now, oh yes. If Mo wants to get out now is the time. (to audience) What would you do?

(If audience seem to go for the quit option say " Yes well we'll see that in a moment let's see what happens if she stays first" otherwise say "Ok let's see what happens if she stays then")

Mo: No, no you're right. I'm just going

Gary: Actually don't bother I'm off now I've got a hot date with Claudia. She wants me, you know I can tell!

Mo: What about these girls

Gary: Oh fob them off with an excuse will you. I haven't got time to speak to everyone who loves me. (exits).

(Sarah enters with a newspaper)

Sarah: (reading from newspaper) Rodie commits suicide after being mistreated by famous pop star. Yesterday Mo Lawrence killed herself after claiming that she was "mistreated" by her employer the famous pop star Gary Marlow. In the suicide letter she left she claimed that Mr. Marlow had treated her like "dog turd" and leaving her to turn away lots of fanatical fans from his book signing as he went for a "hot date" was the last straw. (looks up from paper) I don't think that can be the real reason. Gary would never be That horrible, I bet that she's just blaming him as a vindictive way of destroying his career from beyond the grave. It happens you know. Jealousy is the reason some people do it.

Rachel: SO that ending wasn't particularly favourable. Let's see what happens if she left him

Gary: No that's what I pay you for, that's if you still want this job

Mo: No, No you know where you can stick your job. And I'm going to make sure that everyone finds out what a vindictive evil and corrupted bastard you really are (exits)

Gary: Wait a minute I…… I (starts hitting head on table) oh no! If she goes to the papers I'm ruined, ruined. (stands up and addresses invisible cue) I'm very sorry about this but an important business meeting has just come up, sorry bye (he exits after Mo wailing sorry and I'm ruined)

Sarah: (entering with newspaper) Lawrence reveals that Marlow exploited her. Yesterday the former "Rodie" to the stars Mo Lawrence told reporters at a press conference how she had been mistreated and exploited by her former employer the famous pop star Gary Marlow. She claimed that he had been paying her under half the minimum wage and spent had the time abusing her verbally, when he wasn't pruning himself or sending her on "stupid errands" (looking up) As if Gary would never do anything like that. She's lying to get some attention

Rachel: So slightly less bad there, but still not brilliant. Now lets meet the actors and see what they would have done.

(Actors enter and sit in a row on chairs)

Rachel: (to Sarah) So Sarah, what would you have done in Mo's situation?

Sarah: I would defiantly told him where to shove it. I was in a similar situation once, I was working in a newsagents for a bloke I used to all Heir Hitler,(getting side tracked from the point) behind his back of course, not to his face, that would have been suicidal, (looks up at Rachel and returns to the point) anyway the best thing I ever did was quit that job.

Rachel: So we know what Sarah would have done, but what about the person who played Mo, what would you have done Holly?

Holly: Well, playing the part of Mo I really got to grips with what made her tick and I could see that she needed a relaxed atmosphere to work in where she could feel safe and needed. Gary provided none of those things so leaving him was always going to be the best move.

Rachel: And that takes us to Philip. What about you?

Philip: Well, if playing that character taught me one thing it's human beings can be very cruel to each other. My character was a very nasty piece of work and he deserved everything he got. I'd of left him

Rachel: So there you have it a unanimous vote from our cast. Join us next week where we've got an equally brilliant show, oh yes. We're tackling the issue of mutant reptiles. "What would you do if you were confronted by one asking for directions to Kings Cross?" See you next week on Double take in the meantime it's goodbye from Philip

Philip: Goodbye

Rachel: It's goodbye from Holly

Holly: Goodbye

Rachel: It's goodbye from Sarah

Sarah: Goodbye

Rachel: And it's goodbye from me (pause) goodbye, oh yes.