First off, Dave, you can take your "barbed wire enema" and shove it up your ass. I know there has to be plenty of room. Now, for the important stuff...

Where the hell are you getting this so-called "virgin thing?" I'm pretty sure you're referring to Rhonda's question about pain during intercourse, tight pussies, and whatnot. Hmmmm. Interesting, considering that NOWHERE in that question or in my response is the word "virgin" mentioned or even referred to. Therefore, where the fuck are you getting your information? But, just for the pure pleasure of making you look like an idiotic ass (which you do quite nicely all on your own, by the way), I'm gonna go ahead and reply to your extremely inaccurate observations and assumptions.

First off, I do not "gush like Niagra Falls" when I see a shirtless guy. In all honesty, just the thought of seeing you without a shirt just makes me all dry and shriveled up inside.

No shit it's gonna hurt the first time a female has sex. I never said it wouldn't. And I don't care if a guy is small, average, or large when it comes to their penis size--it hurts like hell (in varying degrees, of course, depending upon size, arousal, etc.). And for the LAST FUCKING TIME--I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT YOUR SUPPOSEDLY ABOVE-AVERAGE PENIS SIZE!!! I do not want to see it, I do not want to measure it, I do not want to hear about it. So shut the fuck up before my inferiority complex theory about you and your penis size is further validated. And fucking a Krispy Kreme donut? Man, that's just sick and pathetic. No wonder the only girls you can get are mail-order brides. Go visit this article on how to make an artificial vagina using a plantain banana. I have yet to read it, but I'm sure you'll find it useful in one way or another.

This next part is for you and Josh both (since you both can't seem to refrain from commenting on my supposed virginity): You know nothing about my sex life. NOw the rest of this is just for you, Dave: You know nothing about my daily routine and any guys I might meet or date. Yes, I'm online a lot--and that would be because my computer is always on and I am always signed on to IM. But if you had half a brain you would realize that about 70% of that time I have an away message up. And that would be because I'm taking 17 hours of classes and working 20-30 hours a week. Yes, I do find time to answer the questions submitted to us--most of them only take about 5 to 10 minutes to answer. Some of them (like this one) I work on during psych or astronomy (I never pay attention in either of those classes so I figure I might as well get something productive done).

Dave, until last Saturday, I hadn't spoken to you since August. That's been almost three months. A lot can happen in three months. A lot has happened in three months. I haven't bitched about not meeting anyone or not getting any in a long time, mainly because I have been meeting people and because my (sex) life isn't as boring as everyone seems to think it is. For you to automatically assume that I haven't met anybody or gotten any action is completely asinine and presumptious of you. You really have no idea what you're talking about so I would appreciate it if you would just shut the fuck up and leave my sex life out of any further questions/comments you might make on this site or in conversation. The purpose of this site is not to be a discussion of Aubrey's sex life, but a discussion forum on everybody else's sex lives.

Oh, and one last thought--no, I've never tried to "run and jump on a Slip 'N Slide without water," but that is a very interesting analogy. You must have some personal experience with that, right? Because you seem like someone who would try to "run and jump on a Slip 'N Slide without water." Maybe next time you should pull out that vat of KY you have wasting away in your closet and put it to use instead of raping the Krispy Kreme donuts.