Entry 000003; 09.05.01

I Quit.

I'm just gonna give up on friends ENTIRELY. Having friends is such a pain in the ass. Most of them don't even know how to fetch the paper.

Today I was talking to orgasmic and i finally got fed up with the way he's been treating me so i asked him what the deal was. He said he feels awkward around me because he thinks i'll get upset if he mentions his girlfriend around me, and if i realize he'll never leave his girlfriend for me.

Since when i have a i been a gigantic moron? Moreover...since when have i demonstrated my ability to be a gigantic moron around him? I KNOW she exists. I KNOW that he won't leave his girlfriend for me. And it's true I was upset about that. Over the summer. But maybe about as upset as you'd get when you realize that the people inside the TV box aren't really there, they are just images. What i was really upset about was his ability to just dump me as a friend, and what really upset me was that i was possibly right in thinking that he would only be friends with me when i'm screwing him. This idea, he has yet to prove unfounded.

So i give up on friends. all friends. Most of them only talk to me if they need me for something, and ignore me the rest of the time. Friends like orgasmic not only treat me indifferently, or as if they wish i wasn't around, but they also don't even know what the hell is going on. and the fact that they don't know what the hell is going on only further demonstrates the fact that they don't listen to me and dont' give a shit about me enough to pay attention.

I'll just stick with writing as my friend. the worst writing does is come back to haunt you when you become a better writer. Like that best friend you made at summer camp who you meet again a few years later, and you realize what a giant loser they are. Or some [most] of the stories on my antiques page, which i wrote in high school and junior high.

I repeat. I quit.