Entry 000006; 09.08.01

the breakup went well, i think

SO...i am far too tired to discuss all the second thoughts that are poking at my brain right now. so i'll just go with a basic rundown of the day. sorta

drooly and i have been planning to "breakup" when he goes to school (next week) since about last spring. so it wasn't really a shock or anything. and we didn't break up about any real angry issues...sad issues, pathetic issues, and a couple of ridiculous issues were the main concern. But we both still love each other, and we both still want to be together, on some level. but i know it's unhealthy to be in a romantic relationship any longer, so i think it's best if we just ... split apart a little.

i wish he was still here so i could hold him. i can't tell you how many times tonight i looked over and thought "this will the last time i..[insert whatever i was doing at the time here]" but, as i said, it's probably healthier and better this way.

We celebrated the breakup today by cuddling all day. it was a sweet way to go (i want to avoid saying "ending it" because it sounds so final, so cold) just like our time together was...sweet. our relationship was the stereotypical kind of head-over-heels in love high school sweetheart story that you always read and hear about on TV. and i'm glad that now i remember only the good things (there really weren't any bad things at all actually.) and most of all, i'm glad i got that experience, and i'm glad i got such a wonderful wonderful boy, and i'm glad we didn't do any horrible un-fixable damage to each other, and i'm so glad i got a chance to love him, that everything was so perfect (or at least i remember it that way).

there is only one problem. logically i know going back to him would be such a bad idea. and i know that getting back together would ruin everything we ever had, and everything we still have. but little thoughts in my brain keep poking at me and saying "Wait,..WHY did we break up again? aren't these all trivial issues?" however, i think we both did our best, and we both tried to fix the little things that eventually got into the way. we spent a lot of time on it, and we gave it our best. and now we can look back and know at least we tried as hard as we could.

Really...i can't express how greatful i am that i ever got a chance to love drooly.