Entry 000019; 09.23.01
Ok. I have had some of the wierdest, most surreal last couple of [days? hours? weeks?]. I think it's mostly from lack of sleep. But I think it might be a full moon or something, because I think everyone is acting so out of whack. I can't keep what time it is in my head. Things that happened (according to other people) as yesterday morning seem like a week ago. I've been walking around in a half-daze of 'no sleep' for a (couple of days?).
I suppose perhaps I should work chronologically. But the thing is that time has meant so little to me in the last couple of days. I don't even know when the last time is that I wrote in my journal? Was it yesterday? The day before? A week ago? I could check, but why ruin the feel? I guess I'll just go through things by what pops up in my head.
I keep waking up covered in this thin, slimy film of sweat. It's disgusting. But I'm so tired. Everytime i sleep, it's only for an hour or two at a time. I think this directly contributes, if not causes, the lack of concept of time. It's like this deep, bone-tired wearyness in me. I feel drained. When was the last time I actually slept a full night? I think all during the weekdays, I tried to sleep as much as possible, but I know I was doing a lot of studying for my exams last friday, and I had labs. I remember taking a really wierd, strangely long and disturbed nap on thursday. Perhaps this is when it started.
This morning, I think, I woke up to find my arch enemy in my bed, his arm draped over me and his face buried in my shoulder. How the hell does one react to something like this? I had no idea what to do. So i said, "Whoa....um...OK..." and fell back asleep. I think this was probably the best course of action at the time. I wasn't capable of much reasoning this early in the morning.
Last night (I think), I hung out with just Bill and it was....strange. I've never hung out with just Bill before. But strangely, I had a really good time. This is equally as wierd as waking up next to your nemesis. Because last year I had points where i just couldn't stand Bill at all. And now I think I actually enjoy his company. And I like him best when other people aren't around. This is so strange, since normally, he always made me feel uncomfortable in the group of people I hang out with at WPI. I dunno man.
It seems that everyone is sad. Or something. most everyone has been having trouble with something or another. And I want to help everyone, and fix everything for everyone, because well, they are my friends, and I care about them. i have a list, complete with solutions and everything. I think I'm going to start with the easiest to solve, and work my way through. It will give me something to do. I wish my friends could all be happy. I know this means they wouldn't talk to me as much, and they wouldn't really need me there for them and therefore, I wouldn't feel quite so important, but I'd much rather see them all happy.
I miss drooly. And it's wierd, because i think he was over yesterday morning, but it feels like 4 days ago at least.
i'll finish this later. i loser power now. bye....bye
later...
So... drooly... bill... nathan alexander... Houxby. Yes I don't think I've spoken about Houxby yet.
Houxby came over early Sunday morning. We went for a walk and I talked about my odd weekend with her to try and sort things out in my head. She talked about adam and her plans for the future. It was nice, just to sit there in the shade for a while and just talk with her. We decided to go on an adventure, so we got in the car and decided to drive until we found a place interesting to stop at, any exit off the highway. We ended up at the Natick Mall. We had a pretty good time. I bought myself a couple of presents to make up for the shabby way I've been treating myself lately. By the end of the day, I was twirling around and singing to myself. Houxby does that to people.
When I got home, I visited Rookie and Jill for a little while, and then went back home and fell dead asleep. Between 8 o'clock labs, drooly's, arch enemies, and whatever the hell else i've been doing, I haven't really gotten any sleep since wednesday.
All during today, I've been just doing normal stuff, and suddenly THE THOUGHT will enter my head, and then i will just halt, and say "what?! WHAT?!!?". The THOUGHT, of course, is the arch enemy thing. but it's not even the arm over me thing, or even the fact that he's in my bed. it was the HUGGING. oh that's so WIERD! you're Not Supposed To Hug Your ENEMIES. the world is fucked.