Oh. I guess that explains it then.

I guess this is the end to my wierd week. This grand finale. This wonderfully messed up enlightenment.

I was so happy. The nathan thing was wierd. But i've seen that coming since last year. Not like i wanted it to happen so much as I just saw it happening, which means it was bound to happen. Things do that to me a lot.

Mostly, i was so happy because of what I didn't see coming. Becoming friends with Bill was something that I saw as impossible, something that never would happen in a million years. I thought, that if something as strange and spontaneous as that could happen, maybe I really wouldn't live my life exactly as I see it all the time. Maybe my life wouldn't be a tedium of work, maybe there would be some surprises. Life gets so boring, so useless when you see everything that is going to happen ahead of time.

I was also happy because I finally had friends here. Or at least A friend. I was so happy that I had misjudged Bill, that he really wasn't all bad, that he was capable of being someone who would hang out with me and enjoy my company, someone to talk to.

I spent all last night with Bill. He kept pleading with me to make out with him, but I didn't take it personally because I knew he was just horny. When he tried to kiss me, I shot him an upper-cut. (It's not like i didn't warn him--and it wasn't hard, I felt bad for him). I think this is about when he actually realized that I wasn't going to makeout with him. Immediately proceeding that, I realized he didn't really want to be my friend at all.

I told Bill about Nathan sleeping in my bed. He took that to mean that I was easy, I was having a wierd week and that means he could get some cheap hookups out of it. Huh. When I realized what was going on, everything inside me just fell to the ground, kind of gray and dead. I asked him if the only reason he was being nice to me this week was because I he thought he could use me for whatever he wanted to use me for, and unfortunately, his answer didn't surprise me that much.

So I was wrong. Everyone really is exactly how I understand them to be. My life really doesn't have any turns towards that which I couldn't comprehend. Bill doens't care about being my friend, and never did. It was my fault for falling for it. I should have known it. I guess I was just desperate to have someone to talk to and someone to hang out with here.

So Bill realized he wasn't getting any cheap entertainment out of me. And I realized that I was being had. I sat there a while, sulking, wondering if what had just transpired really had occured. After a few minutes, Bill left me and went to do whatever he does, and a few minutes after that, I left for home. I thought about just stopping in the middle of the street and wait for an unsuspecting truck to hit me. Of course, that would never happen though, since that would be too spontaneous, something I would never see coming. I would fail even at trying to kill myself to get out of this ridiculous play my life seems destined to lead.

Listen to me. I sound all angsty. Gross. I think I'll go kick me some ass. Even if I get my ass kicked itself, I'd rather feel anger than just this ridiculous foolishness. It's not like me to fall for some stupid prick's false words to get into my pants (not like anyone else has ever tried before). And it's also not like me to sit in my room and cry. It IS, However, very like me to get some big fucking weapons and rip some shit up.