Entry 000032; 10.15.01

Oog. My goodness how time flies when you sit there for TWELVE HOURS debugging a PIC lab. Ie-yaa.

Oh hey cool. It's my birthday. whoop-de-doo.

I don't feel any different. Perhaps tommorro I will notice something different. I hope I remember. As I get older, my birthday becomes more and more downplayed. The only reason I remebered it was coming up was Nathan and Drooly always mentioning it. Wierd.

I feel mildly guilty. I've been slacking off a lot in not writing anything this past week or so. I can feel it too. I tend to get...I don't know, dragged down a little when I'm not writing. however, I have been creating a ridiculous amount of one-lined text documents that are littering my desktop with ideas for stories, projects, etc. Hopefully (probably not), I'll get some time to weed through them and find something good to start. I vaguely remember a few onmious dark fictions that might be fun to play with.

Finals week. Part of the reason I slaved over this lab. I really hope I pass the course, I so do not wish to do this again. That is, if I even stay here. And this is sort of an important class to take, seeing as how it's the intro to computer engineering one. (my major).

::Thinks:: Nothing has been up lately that much. I've been talking to davey a lot, which I enjoy immensely. Also on thursday, I found out about an Orbital concert 15 minutes before all my roomates left for it. I went, it was good. I'm kind of...sad..I guess that no one cared to tell me about it. But at least I got to go. And I can't really blame anyone. I mean I was the person who decided to lock herself in her room for the rest of the year, forsaking friends and all that.

Speaking of which, it's going quite well. Not looking for friends puts a new spin on not finding any friends, I feel less like a failure. Also, I'm growing more and more fond of waking up alone, thought I do enjoy having people around. I like it when Nathan comes over and does his homework, it's comforting to have someone in the room. It's like how I used to turn on my TV and play a tape and not pay any attention to it, it was good background noise to make me feel less alone.

I'm still not sure about this entire transferring thing. If, by some miraculous...thingie, I find some friends here, or I decided I'm much better off without them, or Nathan stays and I can just hang out iwht him, and if I do well this year, and the entire "project" thing stops looking so scary, perhaps I'll stay. But there are so many factors against worcester and so few for it. The only reason I LIKE it here right now is the cheap, wonderful apartment (i don't know what it is, i just really really like my little ghetto space) and the fear of transferring, paperwork, applications...etc. Also the fear of trying what i want to fall back on (say, writing) and failing miserably at it. Where the hell do I have to go from there? I suppose I could continue my engineering education at Northeastern...but it's so much worse. And so much more expensive to live there. And I don't know of any guys I would be able to live with. Living with Alicia sounds like tons of fun, though I know how we get on each others nerves sometimes. And living with Houxby would be great, though sometimes after a long day with her I feel kind of numb in the brain. It's all the interruptions mostly. I can't say a sentence without her interrupting me. It's frustrating. And I dunno, living with girls in general...It all seems very disturbing.

So I guess I'll go to sleep, and see if I wake up feeling any older. If i talk to you tommorro, please remind me it's my birthday.