Entry 000045; 11.87.01

Fake Entry

I’ve been feeling really lonely lately. I’m not sure why. I had Nathan sleep in my bed again last night, and you know how that is, but it’s not enough. Maybe I’ll call some of the people I hung out with last year and hang out with them. Just to relieve stress and all. Study study study study. I wouldn’t mind doing it so much if I thought I was learning anything. It’s tedious. It’s boring. It’s schoolwork.

Oooog ::intense burger king cravings:: I don’t know why. I hate burger king.

Real Entry

Now more than ever, I want my Drooly back. Right now he’s the only boy that I can think of who doesn’t treat females like shit, or think of them as pieces of meat, or find himself attracted to people based on good looks and sluttiness.

When I talk to Anton online, I feel like vomiting.

I warned him last night. I told him not to trust me. I told him I’m going to start being impetuous and act according to my instincts. My instinct says he’s slime. I’m acting on that. He thought I meant I was going to climb into bed with him and rip his clothes off. Disgusting.

The only thing I have to work on is keeping myself from spitting on Anton when I see him. It will take willpower, control, and a wonderful talent for acting. I suck at acting.

I keep thinking of those lines Anton keeps repeating. Those sighs. Anger keeps on flaring up in my belly when I think of the asininity (yes that’s a word, I checked it out) it takes to think that I would fall for that bullshit. My body tenses with anger and adrenaline over the fact that so many people insulted me enough to not only think of me as a girl, but that they think of me as an “easy” girl. “Oh look,” they must think to themselves. “She isn’t all that pretty and she has a horrible personality, I’ll bet she can’t get a date to save her life. She’s probably really desperate and easy.”

And I hate and I hate and I hate and I hate. Never will I sink to being desperate and easy. Especially not to the level of this scum. I’d rather swallow broken glass. And I hate. And I hate. And I. Hate.

5/8