Entry 000068; 12.08.01

Drooly says he keeps getting confused because I tell him we shouldn't be together (for his own good) and then I'm always asking to see him.

Drooly says it's not good for him to be so confused all the time

Drooly says it's a pain to always be wrong

So I guess everything I'm doing I'm doing wrong. I keep telling him we shouldn't be together, for his sake. I keep telling him that he should go and find a girlfriend, go and have fun, for his sake. And then when I get sad because he's not here, that is me being cruel.

So I guess the best thing (for drooly) is for us just not to talk anymore, not to see each other or contact each other anymore. That's what he says anyway, that if he doesn't see me then the feeling of lonliness will fade away.

He asked me if I would be happy with those terms. I didn't answer. Because he gets so mad that I answer with things that I know are a lie but I know will make him happy. So instead of lying, I'll just keep quiet, and he can still be happy. Because the most important part is that he's happy. A good person would sacrafice thier happiness for someone they love. Right? So if not talking to him, not confusing him, not getting upset when he dones't think of me will end in his happiness, then that's what we need to do. That's my punishment for not being consistant. I should have lied to him to tell him things to make him happy, which I did. But the mistake I made was to let myself become weak, to show my true feelings about everything. Then it just renders all the good things null. It's selfishness. So if I don't talk to him, then he won't know I'm upset, so then he won't be confused, so then he'll be happy.

He'll be happy.

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