Entry 000076; 12.14.01

More Nightmares.

The paralyzing kind. The ones where I'm awake and still don't have control over my brain. I'm still shaking.

They're different this time. Completely different plot, completely different horror. All I can do is thank god that these ones aren't about Marcus. They aren't crushing saddness. They're just horror. Fear. And not crushing.

I should call myself lucky. But, would you?

I'm frantically looking up phone numbers of people to call, searching for people online to IM. I even left a message for Ook to call me. This is how badly I need someone to talk to to get my mind off things. To be mentally hugged. To stop those goddamn nightmares.

Should I, really, call myself lucky?

The despair doesn't set in until you realize that there is no one you can call, no one you can talk to. You have no friends left.

I still insist that I don't care. And I don't. I don't. But I would like someone to talk to. I would like to have someone whom I can call at 3AM and have htem drop whatever they are doing and come help me. I've done it for other people before, why not?

And all I can do right now is just sit here and pray that someone comes soon, because there's no one to save me this time. And what happens if one of these times, I can't save myself?

I'm terrified to go to sleep, but I'm so tired. I have no idea what to do and I'm too tired to figure it out logically.