Entry 000086; 01.14.01

Ok. ...okokok...I've been a lazy little duck and I haven't written in a while. I apologize. Now, on with the story.

Let's start out with the old news. Nathan is acting like a human being and has, for the time being, adopted a less moronic policy. He no longer sleeps with the girl creature, he sleeps with me.

Sleeping with Nathan will never be like sleeping with Drooly. Nothing will ever be like sleeping with Drooly. That dead=like comfort, that absolute feeling of complete and utter rightness, I don't think that can happen at any other time and place and with anyone else than when I was with Drooly. (Let's ignore the snoring, the blanket hogging, and the heft of Drooly limbs upon me - Let's just focus on falling asleep next to Drooly anyway).

However, I am actually enjoying sleeping with Nathan now. I'm not exactly sure why, and i'm a little afraid to question it too much, for fear that I might stop liking it. (Perhaps not feeling like I have no choice?)

Wierd things occur on this strange night in January. Let's first aside that Guy is in my social psych class, and that is super cool, since we got to play a giant game of guess who. This was, however, unfortuantely easy, as there were only three boys in the class who sat next to girls (And Guy is a Girl's Guy). So now I have a friend in my SP class. Super American Cowboy Cool.

This sounds corny and wierd and stupid, but now that my brain is less fogged up with schoolwork and stupid shit like that...I can think again.

I got no sleep last night. Nathan ground his teeth every five minutes, and I had taken a mutant nap that overthrew my tiredness beforehand. I finally got a powernap an hour before my first class (After Nathan and his teeth left).

I woke up with a phrase filling the front of my brain "Something's Happening." Something, apparantly, was going on. Or was going to go on. I could feel it. Sure, I could say this in retrospect to an awesome day, but the thing was i was planning to write about this feeling before the awesome day started. By the time I got out of my first class, I had forgotten all about it. (I left notes about the dream on my computer which I IMed to myself--which have mysteriously dissapeared)

I had to write a paper for class today. It wasn't one of my best, but it wasn't horrible either, and had a charming little theme. On the first day of class, the proffessor said, "You will know your paper is good if people argue with you. You will know your paper is great if someone comes up to you at the end of class and talks about your paper, perhaps invites you to a cup of coffee to talk about it."

I read my paper aloud to the class, and the class became dead silent. You could hear crickets chirp, if there had been crickets chirping. "Oh gosh..." I thought "This either went right over their heads, or this paper sucked some ass." Since no one had any questions on clarity, It struck me that my paper sucked some ass.

The girl who looks familiar (I think she might look like someone I went to high school with, but she looks more familiar than that) said hi to me after class, and said she really liked my paper.

Well. Goddamn. My day is made.

Wait. Gets Better.

I thanked her, and told her how I had noticed her arguments in class were the really only intelligent ones I had heard. When I said this, I sort of shocked myself. I previously had no intention of telling her what I had been thinking during class (and it was true I was thinking she was really smart and made a good argument when she was talking previously). Maybe her complement shocked the truth out of me. Either way, we walked away from the building together, talked for about a minute or so, and she invited me to hang out with her and a bunch of her friends tonight.

Did you HEAR THAT? She INVITED ME to hang out with her and her FRIENDS. Yes. Yes indeed. I am so popular. I am the proverbial man. I AM THE MAN. And yes...the dream was right...somethings going on. Though, I had completely forgotten it by then.

Coincidence? My gut tells me as such. Yet.

So I walk home beaming. My plans include telling anyone online, calling anyone I can think to call, and jumping up and down and telling Robert all about my good news. I don't mean I walk home beaming. I mean i FLOAT home beaming on a big cloud of happy dust. BEAMING.

When I get home, I worry a little...What happens if she cancels? What happens if the entire thing is a flop, if she decides she really doens't like me after all? What if I freak her out?

Not to fear! She IMs me about an hour or so later. (After I have recieved much taunting and being made fun of by Nathan and Robert for my excitement) So we are to meet at 9:45 in front of her building, and then go to some Frat thing and hang out or something.

Frat thing. Erg. I'm still up, I'm still excited...but...frat?

And eventually, I go visit her. Her friends are cool. Girls, but cool. Not like, super cool like alicia style, but I could see hanging out with them if I wear a girl persona. I quickly have to shift gears into such a thing when I realize what group I'm in, and it feels a little awkward, a little uncomfortable. "Am I doing this right?" I think, "Do I look like a girl to them?" It occurs to me only after a little while about how strange it should be that I should feel awkward pretending to be a girl.

Such is the life of the Ashia.

Apparantly, the plan is to go to some party at a Frat house. Oh boy, I am thinking. Images of me sitting in a couch being bored, pen poised over the mini notebook I brought with me float through my head....large frat boys vomiting beer, vodka and strange substances on my shoes.

Imagine my relief when I get there, and find that the frat we are at is the one and only one which everyone in it is actually decent. All the guys I know from that frat are really nice guys, and The Ashia feels a little less worried...though...I wasn't as worried as I think I normally would be before that. I'm not sure why, not yet.

As soon as we get there, Mo (that's the girl from lit class) introduces me to a photographer named Kaes. Neat. Yeah I shall say hi to him, and follow her around all night, that's the plan allright. However, I sit next to him and ask him what kind of photography he does. Somehow we end up talking for about fifteen minutes about photography, and I find out this kid is not only capable, he's really cool. Thre's something about his face too that is familiar. Perhaps wierd balances of chemicals going off in my head...strange omens in the morning, strange familiar faces all over the place.

I excuse myself after a while to go find Mo. I want to try to hang out with her a little so she can get used to me, so we can become friends. I track her down upstairs, in a flirting conversation with a boy who had come with us in the group of people, watching from the doorway a group of girls on thier knees doing blowjob shots.

Funny...I think. I know how to do those from my mom. I try to think of what kind of context would create the occasion for my mom to demonstrate to me how to do a blow job shot (a woman whom I have never seen even touch hard liquor in my entire life) ...and I can't think of anything.

Mo, evidently, is locked into a courtship dance with her friend there, and I cheer her on, and resign myself to sitting on a couch, watching these girls swing thier heads back and suck down...whatever the hell they were drinking. "Maybe I should have stayed downstairs and talked more to that kid" I think.

I don't even have a minute to get bored before Kaes then shows up and sits right next to me. Immediately, we're talking about photography. He lights up a clove and for about...three and a half hours, we sit there on the couch as he lights each new clove with the old one, a mist of grey smoke washing over me. It doens't make me sick, which is good, since now I know it's not tobacco in cigarettes that makes me sick, and I can stand cloves. Right before I actually leave, I notice I didn't even get tired from being in such a large group of people for such a long time, not even a bit. Too much of me is locked into talking with Kaes. While we are discussing various things, and I am becoming very very happy at having found a new, intelligent friend, I'm staring at his face trying to figure out what it is that is familiar about him.

Imagine my confusion when it occurs to me that it's his mouth "his mouth is dangerous." Again, nonsensical blathering that comes in from the same place the "somethings going on" from this morning. (Which I still haven't thought of since first period Probablity class).

Imagine my horror, for a moment, when I realize that Ook's mouth is sitting on this boy's face. Immediately, I recognize the expressions, the pressing of the lips, the lips themselves, the teeth, everything, it's Ook's mouth, and it's right there. Right within biting distance. There it is, that mouth that I loved once... the mouth that caused me once to swoon in a chinese supermarket as I remembered it months after Ook left me, shocked by the clarity of his face, most importantly, his mouth that I had never been able to picture in my mind before. After that day in the market, I promised myself I would not picture his face in my mind ever again. It hurt too much. It haunted too much.

And there it was. But on Kaes' face, it looked more gentle. This boy won't bite me I'm thinking. And all at once, it becomes ok, safe again, but still...unnervingly the same mouth

I finally force myself to tear myself away and towards the car and then home. I enjoyed talking with him. And I fully plan on talking to him tommorro, he's going to come over and help me with some photography stuff. Oh this!! Can you imagine? Can you? Two new friends in one single day, it's all I could ever ask for! I can't wait to call my mom and tell her I'm happy. i'm happy I'm happy I'm happy. She always has to deal with my sobbing choking calls at the bad times, she deserves to hear happiness too.

When I get home, I spent about 10 minutes stripping off clove smoke-soaked clothes and answering IMs from all tonight. And then it occured to me "Somethings Happening". Well. Holy shit.

37/79