Entry 000097; 01.29.01

In a perfect world, I would have no temper.

Indeed. And in a perfect world, my brother wouldn't be dead, world peace would be a realistic idea, and communism would work. People would be polite, and when you ask them nicely to do something once, they'd do it.

Too bad about that. The entire lack of a perfect world. So while I am forced to expect less than humane behavior, others will be forced to accept my less than calm methods of spewing anger like a firehose.

In my literature class, there is a guy. Everytime he speaks, I have to slowly count to ten and hold myself very still, sometimes 5 or six times in a row, to keep myself from wanting to kill him.

It's the way he talks. His shirts. The things he chooses to discuss and the way he doesn't listen to the people he's talking to.

Does everyone do this? Does anyone do this?

I'm less angry than my mother, but that's not saying much. I still have years to grow. Small children to annoy the fuck out of me.

I am a mutant anomoly. Females shouldn't be this agressive, this out-of-control of their temper.

Does everyone in the world look as stupid to you as I think they do? Do they think slow? Act in blindingly inconsiderate manners? It HAS to just be me. I can't see how the crime and murder rate isn't at least 80% of the population.

The sad part is how pathetic it makes me. I have to be in control of everything that interacts with me. How ironic that the only thing I can't control is myself.