Entry 000109; 02.20.02

"Oh god," I thought. "I can't breathe."

It was like they tore the scene out of my head and adapted it for the screen. I was sitting there trying to suck in air and trying not to sob, watching this movie, this movie this fiction as if it were something that could never happen. It made me hate whoever put that goddamn scene in the movie as if this was TRIVIAL. It made me wonder where the hell they got their ideas.

"When I was six years old, my brother swam into the ocean and never came back."

It's like being caught with a murder weapon in your hand. It's like they dragged his body out of the ocean after 13 years of decay and forced my eyes open and made me stare at it. What's worse, they had the same scene over and over...three times. Symbollism and all that shit. Torture. Fuckers.