Entry 000139; 06.27.02

During occasional divine moments of clairity, I find my behavior and emotions alien and overdramatic - illogical mostly.

I often wonder why it should be worth all this trouble just for the same of not being alone. I've been alone before. And while it was undesirable, sometimes even miserable, it was nothing like this. I did not spend my days in an eternal static - wondering when the next fight will begin and wondering why I bother to fight at all, since nothing is ever resolved.

Unfortuantely, these moments occor sporadically and rarely. They are fleeting images of sense and perspective that are so quiet they are swiftly overtaken by incoming ideas and notices. Yesterday's moment of clairity was overriden by the bubble thought of how much I detest handicapped toilets. It is so difficult to go to the bathroom and so much more unpleasant when one's feet cannot touch the ground.