Entry 000152; 01.03.02

My kids are gone.

Nathan took them to chicago yesterday morning. Suddenly, there was nothing to do. There was nothing to cuddle with, so there was no reason to return to bed. I cleaned the house, but I found one of Eip Top and Pot Pie's toy mice under couches, on my desk, in bags of paper...Everytime I found one, I'd just stand there with it in my hand and cry.

Thier absence hurts a surprising amount.

I knew I'd probably get all weepy when I packed them up to leave...I mean, they're my kids and I'll never see them again. Out of the corner of my eye, I keep seeing Pot Pie standing on the sink. Or Eip Top curled into a ball on the blankets. I hear things going on in the kitchen and I get that warm feeling knowing that they are out there, and then a really hurty feeling when I remeber that they aren't here anymore. I keep hearing Pot Pie's little mewws...the kid she makes when she rolls over when she's sleeping, or when she wants to you to pick her up. I've fallen asleep three times since they've left, and every time, I ache because there is no little warm fuzzball to curl around, and it's even worse when I wake up expecting to feel thier wieght on the bed and then realize they aren't there.

I can't even figure out what to do with myself. I've attempted to start several of the projects I planned for myself, I try reading, I try napping, I try everything, and I just end up giving up and thinking, what is the point? My life is so much emptier without my kids around to keep me company. I don't even have a Nathan around to comfort me. Somehow I don't feel as if that would make much of a difference.

I want my bunnies back. ::sniffle::