Entry 000162; 02.24.03

OK so I admit that I have been very lacksidaisical ( i love that word shut up yeah that's how you spell it) in updating. But now that I have four jobs, shoots with Tia, and countless other projects, things get hecticastical.

Over the weekend, I went to mom's. I worked for her Saturday, and I was going to go straight to Julie's house to do a shoot with Tia. On my way out the door, Julie called to tell me Tia was already asleep. Arranging shoots with five year olds is REALLY difficult. Anyway, they came over the next day for a baby shower my mom was hosting for my cousin Natalie. I got lots of great pictures of Tia & Co.

Anyway, the father of Natalie's illegitamite(sp?) child's family is a hoard of whale-people. The guy's mom and Natalie's mom came over the night before to help decorate. Natalie's mom, Aunt Paula, her other daughter Jessica (who is a sweetheart I adore) and my mom ended up doing all the work while the fat orca-grandmother sat there watching. THEN she said to my mom "I need to keep some things in your fridge for tommorro" and my mom was all like "umm...okkkaaay" thinking it was a little wierd. THEN the woman is like "ok I need you to cook all this stuff tommorro morning." to my mom. So my mom lends her house out, and this woman not only is unappreciative (and bitchy, later she told my aunt Paula that mom's house was too "small and cluttered"), she also assumed my mom would do all the cooking too.

Of course, she didn't even show up one minute early to help out the day of the party. The woman's family was so fucking gigantic I couldn't believe it. I don't mean quantity, I mean VOLUME. Each member of the family must have wieghed in at LEAST 300 pounds each. They actually had to shrink in thier shoulders and put thier arms out in front of them to get through doorways. I say one "girl" whom I thought to be around 36 years old before I looked her in the face (she's probably like 14) who didn't fit her fat ass on a folding chair to the point of having the equivalent of one normal-human leg on each side sticking out. I never saw the girl without half-chewed food pouring out of her mouth. Oh christ it was disgusting. As soon as each one of them showed up, the first thing they did was pile onto the seats. They didn't bother to help out while my mom was still scrambling to clean up and get the food set out. They didn't walk around and mingle. They Just sat down and stayed down for the entire party. By the way, the only food left on the tables of food was a plate of vegitables and some salad. Fatties.

later...

That asshole. That FUCKING asshole. He's doing it. He's actually leaving to go to Italy for a week and a half. Even though I told him how much it upset me that he chose to leave the country for one of the few times he has time to spend with me. Even though he promised he'd have tons of free time during C term to make up for it (he didn't). I didn't actually think he'd go ahead with it, not REALLY, because I coudln't possibly believe someone could be that insensetive. But now it's only a couple of days away and yeah he's still going for it.

And yes, I know I'm being selfish. I should be happy that he gets to do tons of fun stuff and whatever the hell he wants and he shouldn't have to think of me. But why SHOULDN'T he have to think of me? I wash his dishes, clean up after him, do his laundry, fold, wash and all. I cook his food, I do tons of crap so he doens't have to think of it, and he doesn't even have the decency to spend time with me when he has a vacation. And he isn't going because of singing. This isn't about singing. This is about Going to italy to hang out in nightclubs. He doens't even LIKE the people in glee club. He doens't even have any idea what exactly they are doing there. He just wants to go, even though he's gone before, because it's cheap. After making me feel bad about him spending lots of money for my birthday, and telling me about it. After I spent all this time and effort doing all this crap, and he decides to waste what little money he has not in say, getting a car to use so he doesn't have to use mine. Or spending time with me, his girlfriend, whom he never sees and spends all of her time doing crap for him, instead of those fucking assholes in glee club who don't even give a shit about him. ITALY IS NO GOING ANYWHERE. He only has a VERY small amount of time with me, and he's wasting it. He even knows how much it upsets me that he goes away for his vacations and leaves me at home alone. I can NOT believe he is actually doing this. YES, YES I KNOW i'm supposed to be FINE with it. YES I KNOW that it's my job to make sure he's happy and not complain about it but what the FUCK. Regardless of whether I have a right to complain, or I have a right to be upset, I'm upset. And why isn't it his job to make me happy too? Why can't he just spend time with me instead of in that fucking MQP lab and with that fucking fag club? And no, I don't fucking believe that he spends 10 hours a day non-stop working. Why is it that everytime I talk to him, he's taking a break? Why is it that everytime I used to visit him in A25, he was taking a break? Because he's not thinking of me and thinking about how much work he should be doing. He isn't thinking of me and thinking about how he should be getting his physics done beforehand so he doesn't have to say "sorry ashia i can't hang out tonight i have tons of homework due tommorro." He isn't thinking of this shit. He's thinking "oh man I work so hard. Ashia should be greatful that I come home and spend half an hour with her at night before I go to sleep. He's thinking, "oh well I should only do what is convienient for me to do, otherwise asia isn't a very good girlfriend to demand things of me that isn't what I want to do. Well fuck that. Yeah, I could go to china for the summer and spend 700 dollars and yeah that would be REALLY fucking cheap, and I've never even BEEN to china and I would LOVE to do something like that, but you do think I would even mention it to him? Hell no. Because then he'd feel obligated to tell me that I should go. And then that would be ME leaving HIM behind while the time we have together is running out.

FUCK I AM SO FUCKING HATE.