Entry 000173; 10.12.03

So many things make me feel lazy...somehow.

You know when you are doing so much crap you just don't have time to sit and think and realize how much you are actually getting done? And then later you realize you really weren't getting anything done at all?

Well no of course you don't because you have enough time to waste to read this.

The point is I'm busy. And in those few in between moments when I'm not eating while driving on my way to school or falling asleep while trying to brainstorm stupid ways of mailing styrafoam torsos covered with pictures of naughty bits in the mail, I'm starting to realize that life is going on and I still have failed to do anything.

Yeah I am saving up money and yeah I'm getting an "education" and yeah I'm learning crap but I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that I missed a huge chunk of life and it's just a little too late to start being irresponsible and have some fun.

This is the first time I've felt old and while that is stupid, since I'm only 20, it's also kind of creepy and sickening because I really regret doing all those things I did to make sure I'd never regret...like studying and not punching people in the face.

So as a new birthday quarter-life crisis, I make a list of resolutions

1. Punch more people who deserve in the face.

2. Study less.

3. Be less responsible.

4. Be less dependable.

5. Make absurd plans for the future that you know will lead to horrible mistakes, and then follow through.

Eh I don't know. This sounds lame and quite frankly after the first resolution I was just reaching for something else to put down so I could justify the "1." I put in front of it.

So in this issue, I state that my life feels like a giant waste of cautiousness and thinking-ahead, which I am just getting plain sick of. 21 years and I don't even have a cat. I mean what does that say about the accumulation of so many years? What have I been doing all these years? (If you answer that question, please leave out 3rd grade, I spent all of that watching Full House and for that I am profoundly sorry, to all of you).

So if you are trying to think of what to get me for my birthday, (and you had better be) then just do this for me: figure out how to make my life more meaningful, full of amusement, fun, and life, and generally less regretable from now on. And please do so in a manner that requires little to no effort on my part.